Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 96E653FA0F for ; Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:32 +1100 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 32400-03 for ; Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:20 +1100 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 59.167.250.138 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=59.167.250.138; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (ppp167-250-138.lns2.syd6.internode.on.net [59.167.250.138]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id A2C8F3FA0A for ; Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:15 +1100 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.211); Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:16 +1100 Thread-Topic: Ethics are everything Reply-To: Message-ID: <3b3f301c61edd$0c2e6290$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcYe3QwsbIHFUeKpTY2iTJCkUUpoiA== From: To: Subject: Ethics are everything Date: Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:16 +1100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_3B3F4_01C61F39.3F9EDA90" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.326 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 21 Jan 2006 22:50:16.0777 (UTC) FILETIME=[0C30D390:01C61EDD] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_3B3F4_01C61F39.3F9EDA90 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 178 - 23rd January,2006 Go to our website Here * Welcome Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * Special Feature * Thought of the Week * All You Need is Love * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * About Us Welcome Warwick I felt more than a little awkward as I walked toward the bank. I shuffled up to the counter the teller said, "Can I help you Sir"? "May I talk to the Branch Manager"? I replied. "What is it in reference to"? she enquired. Somewhat embarrassed I said, "Aw, it?s too difficult to explain." Seeing that she wasn't going to get anywhere, she fetched the manager who took me into an interviewing office. I sat down and fumbled with my wallet. "Er, a number of years ago, I came into the branch with some overseas currency leftover from our Asian Music Tour to exchange into Australian currency. It was a pretty complex set of transactions and I ended up with more money than I should. At first I put it down to the luck of the draw, but then I realised that the bank had made a mistake. My conscience has prodded me to give it back, so that's why I am here today." The more I talked, the more puzzled the manager became. Her eyes got bigger and she quickly said, "We have no paperwork on those transactions. I will have to go and speak to my superior." Her body language said it all, "Eek, what do I do . . . I've never had this happen before, what will I do, what will I do?" I don?t know who she spoke to, but she came back and said, "We would have written that debt off by now, but if you want to do something, you can give it to one of our approved charities." What a pity, I thought to myself; that the Fatherhood Foundation is not on their list. The good news is that the money that was overpaid has gone to a good cause and I walked out of that bank with a clear conscience. Why am I telling you this? Two years ago I read a book by John Maxwell, 'There's No Such Thing as 'Business' Ethics'. When the New York Times best selling author and businessman was asked a question on business ethics, his response was, 'There is no such thing. There's only ethics.' Maxwell asserts there's one ethical standard for all behavior. And you might be surprised by what it's based on. Did you know that a variation of the Golden Rule exists in every major religion? In 'There's No Such Thing as Business Ethics', Maxwell shows how people can live with integrity by using the Golden Rule as their standard-regardless of religion, culture, or circumstances. Along the way, he delves into the desires of the human heart, reveals the five most common causes that get people off track ethically, and teaches how to develop the Midas touch when it comes to integrity. When I read that statement, two years ago, I suddenly remembered a relatively small overpayment of money by my bank. I have always told people that I love truth, but to be really truthful, I think I must love money more. I love the feel of it. I love what I can do with it. I would love to have a lot more of that crinkly plastic multi-coloured stuff, even if it is devaluing daily. I got to thinking that John Maxwell was right when he said, 'The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitude.' That's the day I decided I loved truth more than money. My brain said, ?But what about all the bad experiences you have had with banks. Remember all the times they either robbed you or double crossed you. Believe me, I could tell you some horror stories. That's when my conscience said, 'Two wrongs don't make a right Warwick.' Unfortunately that was two years ago. I am also a very good procrastinator. Two weeks ago when I wrote in fathersonline that we need to love truth, I decided I had better 'practice what I preach'. Part of my challenge was forgiving the various banks, and my bank in particular, for their many and varied transgressions. Is it any wonder that radio personality John Laws was paid truckloads of cash to say nice things about banks! Forgiveness frees the individual and the truth is always liberating. I went out of that bank a lot lighter that I went in, in more ways than one. What has this story got to do with fatherhood? Everything! You must become the change you seek. Your children will become what you are. That's why I'm working on myself, but it does seem very costly at times. Lovework Don't be another Enron or HIH, as a father and a family, and collapse from the inside out due to lack of integrity. If necessary, go and make things right with others and set the record straight. Deal with your own irregularities and your children will begin to deal with theirs. Uphold the gold standard in your life. Ethics are everything! Yours for acting in integrity Warwick Marsh ________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads If you want your child to accept your values when he reaches his teen years, then you must be worthy of his respect during his younger days. James Dobson back to top Laughter Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room and then suddenly he froze in his tracks. He heard a loud voice say: "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!" the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead in his tracks again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", the parrot said. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot:"What's your name?" "Clarence," the parrot said. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus." back to top Single Dads Once again I am writing the single fathers column even though I'm not a single dad. My regular writer, Tony Miller of Dads in Distress, is inundated with the pressure of trying to answer thousands of phone calls and emails. Many are from men who are at the end of their tether and about to commit suicide. Tony said to me, 'I just can't cope, most of my volunteers have disappeared and the government is giving us very little real support. You will have to give me time out for a month or so.' My back-up is Roland, who was happy to fill in for the next month. Roland rang me this week and said, 'Hey Warwick, I am flat out getting ready for a big court case next week, two in fact. I can't do it this week.' One is with the Family Law Court who is allowing the education department to override a father's wishes and the other case because the Child Support Agency has deemed his income despite the fact that he was not able to register his car and therefore could not go to work even if he wanted to. The reason he was not able to register his car was because of their onerous payment system which left him with less money over a 6 month period of continuous work than if he was on the dole. Now they are threatening to take his house and land away from him which will force a loving father, his 18 year old daughter, who now lives with him, out on the street, along with his 80 year old mother whom he cares for. Another travesty in this saga is that his children could well lose their inheritance, which will then be sold for a song. The bloody-mindedness of the Child Support Agency and Family Law Court continually amazes me. How a government agencies can operate in such a manner, in a free and democratic country like Australia, is mind boggling. If Roland's story was the first of its kind, I would think that the whole thing was made up by some Hollywood producer who had taken too much acid. The sad fact is that countless men have told me very similar stories about the actions of the Child Support Agency and the Family Law Court over the last few years. All of them can't be wrong. Where there's smoke there's fire. Even John Hirst, an academic of note, was surprised by the lack of justice within the Family Law Court. He called it the 'Kangaroo Court'. The reality is that I have known Roland for almost 30 years. He is a man full of integrity. He has worked as a vice principal of a school, is a teacher by profession, is a regular churchgoer and is a deeply devoted and caring father, even though he sees his children only every second weekend and half of the school holidays. When I asked his permission to run his story he begged me, 'Please Warwick ' I don't want my children to know what I am going through. For the last 8 years I have never spoken about these matters with my children, nor do I want to start now! I want my children to grow up in a stable home environment, full of love, even if mum and dad are separated. I want them to grow up to love and honour both their mother and father. I don't want them to have to take sides. I don't want to put them through the pain and mental anguish that this conflict is causing me. Perhaps I would just prefer to slip away, even though it would break my heart, than cause unnecessary upset for my children.' I countered rather strongly, 'Roland, there are men all over Australia who are going through what you are going through and who want to commit suicide and end it all because they feel just like you. They feel that they're damned if they do fight for justice, and damned if they don't. They love their kids and they would often prefer to quietly slip out of their children's loves than make a stand against injustice and for their children, because they would prefer to be wrong than hurt their children.' Then I repeated to Roland what I say to all men caught in this situation, 'You must make a stand, you must let your story be known, even if you aren't successful, because one day your children will want to know that you did. One day your children will love you for it, even if they don't understand it now.' Roland choked back the tears and reluctantly said, 'Okay Warwick.' So this week's story to encourage single fathers comes to you at great cost, reluctantly, but hopefully. This story is replicated thousands of times across this nation. We must do something about these continuing injustices. If we don't, who will? Warwick Marsh __________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh is not a single dad, but he is passionate for positive reform in Australian Family Law so that there will be a reduction in the harm caused by fatherlessness in this nation. back to top Special Feature Study Finds that Marriage Builds Wealth -- and Divorce Destroys It Seattle Post Intelligencer January 18, 2006 By Stephen Ohlemacher - Associated Press Writer WASHINGTON -- Marrying for money, it turns out, works. A study by an Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries - and stays married - accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a person who is single or divorced. And for those who divorce, it's a bit more expensive than giving up half of everything they own. They lose, on average, three-fourths of their personal net worth. "Getting married for a few years and then getting divorced is clearly not the path to financial independence," said Jay Zagorsky, whose study divided married couples' assets so they could be compared with singles. Zagorsky, a research scientist at OSU's Center for Human Resource Research, tracked the wealth and marital status of 9,055 people from 1985 to 2000. Those people have been participating in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which has repeatedly interviewed them about various aspects of their lives since 1979. The participants are now 41 to 49 years old, making them the youngest of the baby boomers. Zagorsky cautioned that results could be different for older and younger Americans, who have faced different attitudes about marriage, divorce and living together without marriage. Zagorsky's study, which is published in the current issue of the Journal of Sociology, defines wealth as the total value of a person's assets, such as real estate, stocks and bank accounts, minus liabilities, such as mortgages. A big reason married people accumulate more wealth than others is simple economies of scale - one household is cheaper to maintain than two, Zagorsky said. Divorce reverses those benefits, he said. "Divorce looks like one of the fastest ways to destroy your wealth," Zagorsky said. David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, said people become more economically productive after they marry. "They work harder, they advance further in their job, they save more money, and maybe invest more wisely," Popenoe said. "That's because, one can speculate, they are now working for something larger than themselves. They are working for a family." Zagorsky showed that single people slowly accumulated wealth during the study, going from a median of $1,500 at the start to $10,900 in the 15th year. Married people accumulated wealth much faster, accumulating 93 percent more than single or divorced people over the life of the study, Zagorsky said. People who divorced started losing net worth four years before their divorces were final, Zagorsky said. That could be because they had separated before divorcing, forcing them to support two households, he said. The study found that men fared better than women after divorce, holding about 2 1/2 times the wealth. However, in dollars, it added up to a difference of only $5,124. "While men come out slightly ahead, divorce destroys wealth dramatically for both sexes," Zagorsky wrote in his study. back to top Thought of the Week Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them. John Maxwell back to top All You Need is Love All You Need is Love By Warwick Marsh I am convinced that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Women know this instinctively. Men need to discover love daily and share it with the 'love of their life'. The greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love his wife. In some ways this is the hardest thing a man can do. This is the way to become a great father. Herein lies the challenge. Very few men rise to the occasion, me included. 'Man Overboard', Michael Kiely's book, is not written for women it is written for men. It is the best book on marriage written for men I have ever read. Having a successful marriage is one of my major life goals. The sad truth of the matter is I fail fairly regularly. Still I will not give up, because I know the pain of growing up in a broken home. I have experienced that pain first hand. I remain utterly convinced that we should never allow our children to experience that sort of pain. That is one of the reasons we do the work of the Fatherhood Foundation. I have read every book on marriage I can get my hands on. My wife has done the same. Both my wife and I are passionate for the cause of love. My wife has read 'Man Overboard' and she thinks it is a 'great book for men 'on the subject of marriage. The greatest book that Alison and I have read on marriage is called 'The Mystery of Marriage' by Mike Mason. The only problem it is too mystical for most men. It is also very deep. Men need a simple, short to the point book with lots of headlines. Women love the full story. Men love headlines. 'Man Overboard' is full of headlines and short Quotations. Michael's book will be a huge hit if we can get it to men. Men can be hard to reach on these issues. They often don't think about their relationship until their wife is walking out the door. The best way to reduce divorce is to help men not only love their wives but to actively express that love on a daily basis. Men have to become the 'love leaders' in the marriage relationship if the marriage is going to succeed. 'Man Overboard' provides the practical keys to help a man 'discover love' daily and share it with the women of his dreams. Michael Kiely would like to make this e-book available to our readers, free of charge. His main goal is to help others have a better marriage. All I ask is that you email him and tell him if you like it. He needs feedback. He is open to your ideas. Every comment you give will help him refine his book and his marketing plan. We need to make a concerted effort to save more marriages from breaking up. Men are often left out of the equation as far as resources go. Most books on marriage are written for women, because they are the only ones that buy those sort of books, because they care about their relationships. Remember if you like this book remember to email your thanks to him. We all need encouragement!! Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers 'Man Overboard' by Michael Kiely is a breakthrough book, designed to help men rescue and renew their marriage relationships. Michael has been married for over 30 years, has three children and a background in business and marketing. He shares with his readers how he rescued his own marriage when it went into crisis mode. 'Man Overboard' is short (100 pages), filled with headlines, valuable insights and quotations and doesn't beat around the bush. Warwick Marsh, founder of the 'Fatherhood Foundation' says, 'Every man should read this book if he is serious about staying married. It is easy to fall in love, but you have to fight to stay in love. Michael Kiely's book will give you keys to win the battle of love and save your marriage from destruction. 'Man Overboard' will help to keep the 'love fires' burning, but beware, this book is only for the brave. The fainthearted should not read this book.' To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline (which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely: michael@newhorizon.au.com with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in the subject line. Don't miss out. This offer will not last. Make sure you give Michael some feedback on his kindness in giving you a copy, free of charge. back to top News & Info Amazement for Tony Article in Coffs Harbour paper, 19th February 2006 Dads in Distress founder, Tony Miller, was amazed on opening his mail recently to receive a letter of congratulations for being nominated for Australian of the Year Awards. Recently the National Australian Day Council announced the State and Territory recipients for each awards category who now progress to the national level of selection. Unfortunately Mr Miller's nomination was not successful this year, but he said it was an absolute honour to be nominated and that he was extremely humbled. 'Just to be nominated and from a divorced dad?s standpoint, it just shows how far we have come in acceptance of divorced males,' Mr Miller said. 'It proves that just because you are divorced you are still a valuable member of the community. Unfortunately lots of men lose sight of that. It is why I started Dads in Distress.' The letter Mr Miller received was signed by chair of the national Australia Day Council, Lisa Curry Kenny, who thanked him for his contribution to making Australia a better place to live. He also received a certificate to acknowledge his nomination. Sexual Integrity in Inverell Warwick Marsh has been invited to speak at a public meeting in Inverell, NSW at a forum on Sexual Integrity organised by a local citizen?s action group. The meeting will be held at 7.30 pm, Inverell Town Hall, Tuesday 24th January 2006. Other speakers include former prostitute Bronwen Healy, Brisbane and a video presentation of Dr Mary Anne Layden, keynote speaker at the Sexual Integrity Forum conducted by the Fatherhood Foundation, Parliament House Canberra, August 2005. For more information phone Gary White on 02 6721 0513 ________________________________________________________ CFS Luncheon Warwick Marsh will also be speaking at 1 pm, Wednesday 15th February 2006 on 'Sexual Integrity, Fatherhood and Family Law Reform'. This function will be held at the Theatrette, NSW Parliament House, Macquarie St, Sydney and is open to the public. To RSVP please phone Jonathon Flegg on 02 9230 3340 __________________________________________________________ MEDIA RELEASE, 20th January, 2006 Anti Family Forces Hi-jack New Family Relationship Centres Men's groups can't say what they really believe, but Social Worker and Family Counsellor, Ms Matilda Bawden did. "Lesbians are setting the Federal Government's Family Law reform agenda", she said. Labelling the Federal Attorney General Phillip Ruddock's new Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Bill as un-genuine and a betrayal of the trust and hopes placed by Australian families in the Federal Government and the Liberal Party, at large, Ms Bawden said, "Non custodial parents have wrongly been led to believe that, unlike many since the 1995 Duncan amendments under the Keating Labor government, these reforms would be meaningful and convincing". Ms Bawden's comments come in response to complaints by non-custodial parent groups that they have been frozen out by the Attorney General's Department from fair and proper representation on the Community Services and Health Industry Services Committee (CSHISC) Steering Committee. Non-custodial parent groups have had their expectations for shared parenting outcomes in the Family Court raised with the promise that the Industry Skills Council's, Family Counselling, Family Dispute Resolution & Children's Contact Services Project Steering Committee will be developing the professional standards and competencies for working with families undergoing dispute, separation and divorce. As part of the promised reforms, many of these mediators and counsellors will be employed within the newly touted Relationship Centres, however, Ms Bawden believes that the standards and competencies have not covered the critical issues the Federal Government promised they would. Ms Bawden said, "I am deeply concerned that we now have a predominantly lesbian, anti-father culture and world-view of families determining the competencies and standards towards which family counsellors and mediators will aspire when working with children and their parents during the family breakdown process. Sadly, most hetero-sexual women are probably blissfully ignorant of this influence. There is almost no father-friendly representation on this Committee and certainly NO evidence to show it is even sympathetic to genuine shared parenting or joint residency outcomes or ideals." Ms Bawden points out, "Of the 60 modules contained in The First Draft Industry Qualifications and Validations, not one contains so much as a whisper (must less passing reference to) shared parenting. What is more, the Committee is saturated with representatives of organizations which are on the record as being opposed to shared parenting." Ms Bawden is available for comment on 0412 836 685, anytime. __________________________________________________________ Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation I like the article by Robert Martin entitled - 'Nobody Understands'. He sums it up, oh so well. Someone from the 'outside', who had never been through the loss of his or her children due to separation, would be completely at a loss to understand the actions of the other parent and further more the actions of the Family Law Court. I think that this transition from 'normal life' to that of a Single Dad is a major and sharp learning curve. In real terms no one can truly prepare for it and, in most cases, the net effect is too often to loss the plot in the first few years. One?s values tend to change very profoundly for ever.... I just felt that the title says it all, sadly. Regards, Clive Purt Perth - Western Australia _________________________________________________ Dear Fatherhood Foundation I am a female domestic violence victim. I almost got killed in December and have being doing a lot of research on domestic violence recently. I read that some states have actually charged serial batterers with hate crimes against women. I was just reading The Jane Doe website. The article was about abused and murdered men and the reasons why domestic violence was heavily pursued against men and not women. I agree that some of these women are acting in self defence. I also agree that there are men that would not lift a finger to hit a woman and would suffer abuse from her. I have to say that I support your cause. Domestic violence is not a hate crime against women. The fact is that men for the most part are physically more capable to be dominant over women. While researching the statistics a thought occurred to me. My abuser was an only child. His family was well off. They were not rich, but his father had a very good job and worked a lot of overtime. He kept his family in brand new homes and they had anything that they wanted. My abusers mother stayed at home with my abuser. She basically acted as if having one child was so stressful that she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She either yelled and screamed at him or just gave him anything he wanted so she would not have to be bothered. So he became accustomed to getting whatever he wanted. That was the beginning of his control issues. As a teenager he again did whatever he wanted with no supervision what so ever. It was easier for Mommy to totally ignore him versus using her energy and time to monitor his behaviour. He is still the same way. His parents have separated and his Father acts as if his son is perfect and still gives him anything he wants when he throws a fit. On several occasions I nicely tried to hint about the abuse. I could see that it angered him and he would rather stay in denial. To complicate matters he would make comments like "you know how she is", "you better leave her alone", and "you have a bad relationship." Comments that would indicate I was at fault and encourage more violence. The bottom line is my abuser has always been a spoiled rotten only child brat. I was just curious as to how many women abusers have the same characteristics. I can't find any statistics, but if something like this were a factor then it is not a hate crime and it would account for women being just as aggressive as men. If you know of any statistics that would support my theory please let me know. If not, please make this an issue and find out. Good Luck with your cause. Lynette lynetteandkids@earthlink.net Editor's Note: Can any of our readers help with this request? back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Help me to be honest in a dishonest world. Help me to tell the truth even when I don't want to. Help me, because I don't think I can do it on my own. The truth scares me too much. back to top About Us Mission Statement & Help Us! Mission Statement The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families. Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving. That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation. Life is also about relationships. That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation, please mail your cheque or money order to: Fatherhood Foundation PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_3B3F4_01C61F39.3F9EDA90 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
Unable to read this email? Please click here
Issue 178 - 23rd January,2006 Go to our website Here


Welcome Warwick

I felt more than a little awkward as I walked toward the bank. I shuffled up to the counter the teller said, "Can I help you Sir"?

 

"May I talk to the Branch Manager"? I replied.

 

"What is it in reference to"? she enquired.

 

Somewhat embarrassed I said, "Aw, it?s too difficult to explain."

 

Seeing that she wasn't going to get anywhere, she fetched the manager who took me into an interviewing office.  I sat down and fumbled with my wallet.  "Er, a number of years ago, I came into the branch with some overseas currency leftover from our Asian Music Tour to exchange into Australian currency. It was a pretty complex set of transactions and I ended up with more money than I should.  At first I put it down to the luck of the draw, but then I realised that the bank had made a mistake. My conscience has prodded me to give it back, so that's why I am here today."  The more I talked, the more puzzled the manager became.  Her eyes got bigger and s he quickly said, "We have no paperwork on those transactions. I will have to go and speak to my superior."  Her body language said it all, "Eek, what do I do . . . I've never had this happen before, what will I do, what will I do?"  I don?t know who she spoke to, but she came back and said, "We would have written that debt off by now, but if you want to do something, you can give it to one of our approved charities."  What a pity, I thought to myself; that the Fatherhood Foundation is not on their list.  The good news is that the money that was overpaid has gone to a good cause and I walked out of that bank with a clear conscience.

 

Why am I telling you this? 

 

Two years ago I read a book by John Maxwell, 'There's No Such Thing as 'Business' Ethics'. When the New York Times best selling author and businessman was asked a question on business ethics, his response was, 'There is no such thing.  There's only ethics.'  Maxwell asserts there's one ethical standard for all behavior. And you might be surprised by what it's based on. Did you know that a variation of the Golden Rule exists in every major religion? In 'There's No Such Thing as Business Ethics', Maxwell shows how people can live with integrity by using the Golden Rule as their standard-regardless of religion, culture, or circumstances. Along the way, he delves into the desires of the human heart, reveals the five most common causes that get people off track ethically, and teaches how to develop the Midas touch when it comes to integrity.

 

When I read that statement, two years ago, I suddenly remembered a relatively small overpayment of money by my bank.  I have always told people that I love truth, but to be really truthful, I think I must love money more.  I love the feel of it. I love what I can do with it. I would love to have a lot more of that crinkly plastic multi-coloured stuff, even if it is devaluing daily.

 

I got to thinking that John Maxwell was right when he said, 'The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitude.'  That's the day I decided I loved truth more than money.  My brain said, ?But what about all the bad experiences you have had with banks.  Remember all the times they either robbed you or double crossed you.  Believe me, I could tell you some horror stories.  That's when my conscience said, 'Two wrongs don't make a right Warwick.'  Unfortunately that was two years ago.  I am also a very good procrastinator.  Two weeks ago when I wrote in fathersonline that we need to love truth, I decided I had better 'practice what I preach'.  Part of my challenge was forgiving the various banks, and my bank in particular, for their many and varied transgressions.  Is it any wonder that radio personality John Laws was paid truckloads of cash to say nice things about banks!  Forgiveness frees the individual and the truth is always liberating.  I went out of that bank a lot lighter that I went in, in more ways than one.

 

What has this story got to do with fatherhood?  Everything! You must become the change you seek.  Your children will become what you are.  That's why I'm working on myself, but it does seem very costly at times.

 

Lovework

 

Don't be another Enron or HIH, as a father and a family, and collapse from the inside out due to lack of integrity.  If necessary, go and make things right with others and set the record straight. Deal with your own irregularities and your children will begin to deal with theirs. Uphold the gold standard in your life.  Ethics are everything!

 

Yours for acting in integrity

Warwick Marsh

 ________________________________________________________


Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

If you want your child to
accept your values

when he reaches his teen years,

then you must be worthy of his respect

during his younger days.

 

James Dobson

 

back to top

Laughter


Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room and then suddenly he froze in his tracks. He heard a loud voice say: "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!" the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", the parrot said.
The bur glar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot:"What's your name?"
"Clarence," the parrot said.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus."

back to top

Single Dads

Once again I am writing the single fathers column even though I'm not a single dad.  My regular writer, Tony Miller of Dads in Distress, is inundated with the pressure of trying to answer thousands of phone calls and emails.  Many are from men who are at the end of their tether and about to commit suicide. Tony said to me, 'I just can't cope, most of my volunteers have disappeared and the government is giving us very little real support. You will have to give me time out for a month or so.'  My back-up is Roland, who was happy to fill in for the next month.  Roland rang me this week and said, 'Hey Warwick, I am flat out getting ready for a big court case next week, two in fact. I can't do it t his week.' One is with the Family Law Court who is allowing the education department to override a father's wishes and the other case because the Child Support Agency has deemed his income despite the fact that he was not able to register his car and therefore could not go to work even if he wanted to.  The reason he was not able to register his car was because of their onerous payment system which left him with less money over a 6 month period of continuous work than if he was on the dole.  Now they are threatening to take his house and land away from him which will force a loving father, his 18 year old daughter, who now lives with him, out on the street, along with his 80 year old mother whom he cares for.  Another travesty in this saga is that his children could well lose their inheritance, which will then be sold for a song.

 

The bloody-mindedness of the Child Support Agency and Family Law Court continually amazes me. How a government agencies can operate in such a manner, in a free and democratic country like Australia, is mind boggling.

 

If Roland's story was the first of its kind, I would think that the whole thing was made up by some Hollywood producer who had taken too much acid.  The sad fact is that countless men have told me very similar stories about the actions of the Child Support Agency and the Family Law Court over the last few years.  All of them can't be wrong.  Where there's smoke there's fire. Even John Hirst, an academic of note, was surprised by the lack of justice within the Family Law Court.  He called it the 'Kangaroo Court'.

 

The reality is that I have known Roland for almost 30 years.  He is a man full of integrity.  He has worked as a vice principal of a school, is a teacher by profession, is a regular churchgoer and is a deeply devoted and caring father, even though he sees his children only every second weekend and half of the school holidays.  When I asked his permission to run his story he begged me, 'Please Warwick ' I don't want my children to know what I am going through. For the last 8 years I have never spoken about these matters with my children, nor do I want to start now! I want my children to grow up in a stable home e nvironment, full of love, even if mum and dad are separated.  I want them to grow up to love and honour both their mother and father. I don't want them to have to take sides. I don't want to put them through the pain and mental anguish that this conflict is causing me. Perhaps I would just prefer to slip away, even though it would break my heart, than cause unnecessary upset for my children.'

I countered rather strongly, 'Roland, there are men all over Australia who are going through what you are going through and who want to commit suicide and end it all because they feel just like you.  They feel that they're damned if they do fight for justice, and damned if they don't.  They love their kids and they would often prefer to quietly slip out of their children's loves than make a stand against injustice and for their children, because they would prefer to be wrong than hurt their children.' Then I repeated to Roland what I say to all men caught in this situation, 'You must make a stand, you must let your story be known, even if you aren't successful, because one day your children will want to know that you did.  One day your children will love you for it, even if they don't understand it now.' Roland choked back the tears and reluctantly said, 'Okay Warwick.'

 

So this week's story to encourage single fathers comes to you at great cost, reluctantly, but hopefully.  This story is replicated thousands of times across this nation.  We must do something about these continuing injustices.  If we don't, who will?

 

Warwick Marsh

__________________________________________________________
 

Warwick Marsh is not a single dad, but he is passionate for positive reform in Australian Family Law so that there will be a reduction in the harm caused by fatherlessness in this nation.

back to top

Special Feature

 

Study Finds that Marriage Builds Wealth

-- and Divorce Destroys It

Seattle Post Intelligencer

January 18, 2006

By Stephen Ohlemacher - Associated Press Writer

 

WASHINGTON -- Marrying for money, it turns out, works. A study by an Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries - and stays married - accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a person who is single or divorced.

 

And for those who divorce, it's a bit more expensive than giving up half of everything they own. They lose, on average, three-fourths of their personal net worth.

 

"Getting married for a few years and then getting divorced is clearly not the path to financial independence," said Jay Zagorsky, whose study divided married couples' assets so they could be compared with singles.

 

Zagorsky, a research scientist at OSU's Center for Human Resource Research, tracked the wealth and marital status of 9,055 people from 1985 to 2000. Those people have been participating in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which has repeatedly interviewed them about various aspects of their lives since 1979.

 

The participants are now 41 to 49 years old, making them the youngest of the baby boomers.

 

Zagorsky cautioned that results could be different for older and younger Americans, who have faced different attitudes about marriage, divorce and living together without marriage.

 

Zagorsky's study, which is published in the current issue of the Journal of Sociology, defines wealth as the total value of a person's assets, such as real estate, stocks and bank accounts, minus liabilities, such as mortgages.

 

A big reason married people accumulate more wealth than others is simple economies of scale - one household is cheaper to maintain than two, Zagorsky said. Divorce reverses those benefits, he said.

 

"Divorce looks like one of the fastest ways to destroy your wealth," Zagorsky said.

 

David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, said people become more economically productive after they marry.

 

"They work harder, they advance further in their job, they save more money, and maybe invest more wisely," Popenoe said. "That's because, one can speculate, they are now working for something larger than themselves. They are working for a family."

 

Zagorsky showed that single people slowly accumulated wealth during the study, going from a median of $1,500 at the start to $10,900 in the 15th year.

 

Married people accumulated wealth much faster, accumulating 93 percent more than single or divorced people over the life of the study, Zagorsky said.

 

People who divorced started losing net worth four years before their divorces were final, Zagorsky said. That could be because they had separated before divorcing, forcing them to support two households, he said.

 

The study found that men fared better than women after divorce, holding about 2 1/2 times the wealth. However, in dollars, it added up to a difference of only $5,124.

 

"While men come out slightly ahead, divorce destroys wealth dramatically for both sexes," Zagorsky wrote in his study.

back to top

Thought of the Week

Leaders must be close enough to relate to others,

but far enough ahead to motivate them.

 

John Maxwell

back to top

All You Need is Love

All You Need is Love

By Warwick Marsh

 

I am convinced that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Women know this instinctively. Men need to discover love daily and share it with the 'love of their life'. The greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love his wife. In some ways this is the hardest thing a man can do. This is the way to become a great father. Herein lies the challenge. Very few men rise to the occasion, me included.

 

'Man Overboard', Michael Kiely's book, is not written for women it is written for men. It is the best book on marriage written for men I have ever read. Having a successful marriage is one of my major life goals. The sad truth of the matter is I fail fairly regularly. Still I will not give up, because I know the pain of growing up in a broken home. I have experienced that pain first hand. I remain utterly convinced that we should never allow our children to experience that sort of pain. That is one of the reasons we do the work of the Fatherhood Foundation. I have read every book on marriage I can get my hands on. My wife has done the same. Both my wife and I are passionate for the cause of love. My wife has read 'Man Overboard' and she thinks it is a 'great book for men 'on the subject of marriage.

 

The greatest book that Alison and I have read on marriage is called 'The Mystery of Marriage' by Mike Mason. The only problem it is too mystical for most men.  It is also very deep. Men need a simple, short to the point book with lots of headlines. Women love the full story. Men love headlines. 'Man Overboard' is full of headlines and short Quotations. Michael's book will be a huge hit if we can get it to men. Men can be hard to reach on these issues. They often don't think about their relationship until their wife is walking out the door.

 

The best way to reduce divorce is to help men not only love their wives but to actively express that love on a daily basis. Men have to become the 'love leaders' in the marriage relationship if the marriage is going to succeed. 'Man Overboard' provides the practical keys to help a man 'discover love' daily and share it with the women of his dreams.

 

Michael Kiely would like to make this e-book available to our readers, free of charge. His main goal is to help others  have a better marriage. All I ask is that you email him and tell him if you like it. He needs feedback. He is open to your ideas. Every comment you give will help him refine his book and his marketing plan. We need to make a concerted effort to save more marriages from breaking up. Men are often left out of the equation as far as resources go. Most books on marriage are written for women, because they are the only ones that buy those sort of books, because they care about their relationships.  Remember if you like this book remember to email your thanks to him. We all need encouragement!!

 

Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers

 

'Man Overboard' by Michael Kiely is a breakthrough book, designed to help men rescue and renew their marriage relationships.  Michael has been married for over 30 years, has three children and a background in business and marketing.  He shares with his readers how he rescued his own marriage when it went into crisis mode.  'Man Overboard' is short (100 pages), filled with headlines, valuable insights and quotations and doesn't beat around the bush.  Warwick Marsh, founder of the 'Fatherhood Foundation' says, 'Every man should read this book if he is serious about staying married.  It is easy to fall in love, but you have to fight to stay in love.  Michael Kiely's book will give you keys to win the battle of love and save your marriage from destruction.  'Man Overboard' will help to keep the 'love fires' burning, but beware, this book is only for the brave.  The fainthearted should not read this book.'

 

To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline (which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely: michael@newhorizon.au.com   with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in the subject line.

 

Don't miss out.  This offer will not last.  Make sure you give Michael some feedback on his kindness in giving you a copy, free of charge.

back to top

News & Info

Amazement for Tony

Article in Coffs Harbour paper, 19th February 2006

 

Dads in Distress founder, Tony Miller, was amazed on opening his mail recently to receive a letter of congratulations for being nominated for Australian of the Year Awards.

 

Recently the National Australian Day Council announced the State and Territory recipients for each awards category who now progress to the national level of selection.

 

Unfortunately Mr Miller's nomination was not successful this year, but he said it was an absolute honour to be nominated and that he was extremely humbled.

 

'Just to be nominated and from a divorced dad?s standpoint, it just shows how far we have come in acceptance of divorced males,' Mr Miller said.

 

'It proves that just because you are divorced you are still a valuable member of the community. Unfortunately lots of men lose sight of that. It is why I started Dads in Distress.'

 

The letter Mr Miller received was signed by chair of the national Australia Day Council, Lisa Curry Kenny, who thanked him for his contribution to making Australia a better place to live.

 

He also received a certificate to acknowledge his nomination.

 

Sexual Integrity in Inverell

  

Warwick Marsh has been invited to speak at a public meeting in Inverell, NSW at a forum on Sexual Integrity organised by a local citizen?s action group.

 

The meeting will be held at 7.30 pm, Inverell Town Hall, Tuesday 24th January 2006.

 

Other speakers include former prostitute Bronwen Healy, Brisbane and a video presentation of Dr Mary Anne Layden, keynote speaker at the Sexual Integrity Forum conducted by the Fatherhood Foundation, Parliament House Canberra, August 2005.

 

For more information phone Gary White on 02 6721 0513

________________________________________________________
 

CFS Luncheon

 

Warwick Marsh will also be speaking at 1 pm, Wednesday 15th February 2006 on 'Sexual Integrity, Fatherhood and Family Law Reform'.

 

This function will be held at the Theatrette, NSW Parliament House, Macquarie St, Sydney and is open to the public. 

To RSVP please phone Jonathon Flegg on 02 9230 3340

 __________________________________________________________

 

MEDIA RELEASE, 20th January, 2006                     

Anti Family Forces Hi-jack New Family Relationship Centres        

                                                                           

Men's  groups  can't  say  what they really believe, but Social Worker and  Family  Counsellor,  Ms  Matilda Bawden  did.  "Lesbians are setting  the Federal Government's Family Law reform agenda", she said.          &nbs p;  

                                                                            

Labelling  the  Federal  Attorney General Phillip Ruddock's new Family Law  Amendment  (Shared  Parental  Responsibility)  Bill  as  un-genuine  and  a  betrayal  of  the  trust  and  hopes  placed by Australian families in the  Federal  Government  and the Liberal Party, at large, Ms Bawden said, "Non  custodial  parents  have  wrongly  been  led to believe that,  unlike many  since the 1995 Duncan amendments under the Keating Labor government, these  reforms would be meaningful and convincing".                    

                                                                           

Ms  Bawden's  comments  come  in  response  to complaints by non-custodial  parent  groups  that  they  have been frozen out by the Attorney General's  Department  from  f air and proper representation on the Community Services  and Health Industry Services Committee (CSHISC) Steering Committee.       

                                                                            

Non-custodial  parent  groups  have  had  their  expectations  for  shared  parenting  outcomes  in  the Family Court raised with the promise that the  Industry Skills Council's, Family Counselling, Family Dispute R esolution &  Children's  Contact Services Project Steering Committee will be developing the  professional  standards  and  competencies  for working with families  undergoing  dispute,  separation  and  divorce.   As  part of the promised  reforms,  many  of these mediators and counsellors will be employed within  the  newly  touted  Relationship Centres, however, Ms Bawden believes that  the  standards  and competencies have not covered the critical issues  the  Federal Government promised they would.                                    

                                                                           

Ms  Bawden  said,  "I am deeply concerned that we now have a predominantly  lesbian,  anti-father  culture  and world-view of families determining the  competencies  and standards towards which family counsellors and mediators  will aspire when working with children and their parents during the fami ly  breakdown   process.    Sadly,   most hetero-sexual women are probably  blissfully ignorant of this influence.  There is almost no father-friendly  representation on this Committee and certainly NO evidence to show it is  even sympathetic to genuine shared parenting or joint residency outcomes

 or ideals."                                                                

                                                                           

Ms  Bawden  points  out,  "Of  the 60 modules contained in The First Draft  Industry  Qualifications  and  Validations,  not  one contains so much as a  whisper  (must less passing reference to) shared parenting.  What is more,  the Committee is saturated with representatives of organizations which are  on the record as being opposed to shared parenting."                      

                                                                            

Ms Bawden is available for comment on 0412 836 685, anytime.       

 __________________________________________________________


Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I like the article by Robert Martin entitled - 'Nobody Understands'. He sums it up, oh so well. Someone from the 'outside', who had never been through the loss of his or her children due to separation, would be completely at a loss to understand the actions of the other parent and further more the actions of the Family Law Court. I think that this transition from 'normal life' to that of a Single Dad is a major and sharp learning curve. In real terms no one can truly prepare for it and, in most cases, the net effect is too often to loss the plot in the first few years. One?s values tend to change very profoundly for ever....   I just felt that the title says it all, sadly.

 

Regards,

Clive Purt

Perth - Western Australia

 

 _________________________________________________

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I am a female domestic violence victim.  I almost got killed in December and have being doing a lot of research on domestic violence recently.  I read that some states have actually charged serial batterers with hate crimes against women.  I was just reading The Jane Doe website.  The article was about abused and murdered men and the reasons why domestic violence was heavily pursued against men and not women.  I agree that some of these women are acting in self defence.  I also agree that there are men that would not lift a finger to hit a woman and would suffer abuse from her.& nbsp; I have to say that I support your cause.  Domestic violence is not a hate crime against women.  The fact is that men for the most part are physically more capable to be dominant over women.  While researching the statistics a thought occurred to me.  My abuser was an only child.  His family was well off.  They were not rich, but his father had a very good job and worked a lot of overtime.  He kept his family in brand new homes and they had anything that they wanted.  My abusers mother stayed at home with my abuser.  She basically acted as if having one child was so stressfu l that she was going to have a nervous breakdown.  She either yelled and screamed at him or just gave him anything he wanted so she would not have to be bothered.  So he became accustomed to getting whatever he wanted.  That was the beginning of his control issues.  As a teenager he again did whatever he wanted with no supervision what so ever.  It was easier for Mommy to totally ignore him versus using her energy and time to monitor his behaviour.  He is still the same way.  His parents have separated and his Father acts as if his son is perfect and still gives him anything he wants when he throws a fit.  On several occasions I nicely tried to hint about the abuse.  I could see that it angered him and he would rather stay in denial.  To complicate matters he would make comments like "you know how she is", "you better leave her alone", and "you have a bad relationship."  Comments that would indicate I was at fault and encourage more violence.  The bottom line is my abuser has always been a spoiled rotten only child brat.  I was just curious as to how many women abusers have the same characteristics.  I can't find any statistics, but if something like this were a factor then it is not a hate crime and it would account for women being just as aggressive as men.  If you know of any statistics that wo uld support my theory please let me know.  If not, please make this an issue and find out.  Good Luck with your cause.

 

Lynette

lynetteandkids@earthlink.net

Editor's Note: Can any of our readers help with this request? 

back to top

Dad's Prayer

Dear God

 

Help me to be honest in a dishonest world.

Help me to tell the truth even when I don't want to.

Help me, because I don't think I can do it on my own.

The truth scares me too much.

back to top

About Us

Mission Statement & Help Us!

Mission Statement

The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,
please mail your cheque or money order to:
Fatherhood Foundation
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading.

back to top


------=_NextPart_000_3B3F4_01C61F39.3F9EDA90--