Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 080AFDEB14 for ; Sun, 2 Jul 2006 09:01:20 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 07470-08 for ; Sun, 2 Jul 2006 09:00:58 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 150.101.193.82 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=150.101.193.82; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 1C856DEB4C for ; Sun, 2 Jul 2006 09:00:55 +1000 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 2 Jul 2006 09:00:46 +1000 Thread-Topic: Good to Great Reply-To: Message-ID: <1a33201c69d62$2fe94390$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcadYi/mZZeg6C23SOOVu7X9fPBUEw== From: To: Subject: Good to Great Date: Sun, 2 Jul 2006 09:00:46 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_1A333_01C69DB6.01955390" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2663 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 01 Jul 2006 23:00:46.0296 (UTC) FILETIME=[2FEB8D80:01C69D62] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_1A333_01C69DB6.01955390 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 Unable to read this email? Please click here =20 =20 Issue 201 - 3rd July 2006 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads=20 * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Daddies do Matter * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick =20 =20 Last week I invited graduates from the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century to get together for a meal. Many of them couldn't make it because of prior commitments, but for those who could, it was another milestone in their development and journey as a father. Like our usual Good to Great meetings it was a men only event (my wife tries to make herself scarce, very scarce). Food is a wonderful leveller. All of us need to eat, and eating together is a wonderful way to acknowledge our humanity, encourage communication and establish friendship. That's why having family meals together are so important. But that's another subject. =20 I started the night by telling the first set of graduates from 'Good to Great' the good news that on Thursday 7th September 06 we will be commencing our next course in Wollongong. Any father who graduates successfully from the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course will have free access to all future 'Good to Great' courses at no extra cost. This is one of the many benefits of completing the course. =20 Our new course will be tougher than the last one. It goes for ten weeks instead of eight, in order to cover two important areas not previously dealt with in the last 'Good to Great' course. One of those topics is sex. The other is 'rites of passage' for both boys and girls. Celebrations surrounding rites of passage are not widely understood nor commonly practised in our western culture. However most of the peoples of the world and especially the more indigenous people groups have been observing such ceremonies for thousands of years. eg Australia's Aboriginal people. Brian Molitar, USA www.malachiglobal.org will be one of our presenters and I will be sharing some of his insights in this newsletter over the coming weeks. =20 After we had eaten together we sat around the table and talked about how everyone had been faring since 'Good to Great'. I reminded the guys that the Good to Great course is only a journey, not a destination, and to please share with us the bad, as well as the good, because we are all human. Everyone spoke about how the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course had made a positive impact on their family life. Most of the guys had experienced a definite improvement in their relationship with their wife. One of the requirements for the course is to take your wife away for a romantic weekend before you can graduate. Many of the guys have continued this practice since the course with great results. Others were continuing to turn the TV off at family meal times. One father has one 'screen free day' per week in his home. No TVs, no computers, no game-boys for one day per week. This is a great idea if it can be negotiated. His family is talking more on those days and communicating better. Others were taking their children out for dates or a celebratory meal, just with dad. =20 It was very moving listening to their stories, and no one really wanted to go home. We all realised that we are all on the journey to becoming great dads. Sometimes it's three steps forward and two steps back. Other times we fall short of our goals. The key thing is to keep moving forward, because as my good friend Wayne Larkin pointed out - 80% of success is just turning up. =20 Lovework =20 You are reading this weekly newsletter. Congratulations! =20 You are working on becoming a great dad. =20 'Good to Great' is not a destination, but a journey. Your children will be happy that you are on this journey. They are the ones who will benefit. 80% of your success is just turning up. Every week you read this newsletter, you are exposing yourself to new ideas and new challenges to keep you on the journey to becoming the father your children need. =20 Keep up the awesome work =20 Yours for the journey Warwick Marsh =20 =20 PS We all get a chance to practise the ancient art form of 'forgiveness' after the dramatic World Cup match with Italy. As Guus Hiddink said, 'There is no such thing as justice in sport', and the penalty awarded to Italy was highly dubious to say the least. However the Socceroos have done us proud and we at the Fatherhood Foundation, and the people of Australia, salute you for your incredible effort and sportsmanship. =20 For those who want information about the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century, check out News & Info or email us with your phone and address details to receive a free introductory DVD and info pack: info@fathersonline.org =20 ________________________________________=20 Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is=20 the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in=20 age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician,=20 songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he=20 can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 =20 =20 The young man knows the rules, but the old man know the exceptions. =20 Oliver Wendell Holmes =20 =20 back to top=20 =20 Laughter =20 =20 At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."=20 "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."=20 The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"=20 back to top=20 =20 Single Dads=20 =20 'If Only We Could Get On' =20 - for our children's sake by Tony Miller dids www.dadsindistress.asn.au =20 =20 In my article 2 weeks ago I included an email from a young girl called Emma about her feelings towards her dad. It touched a lot of hearts and gave hope to those who thought there was none. The effects of divorce or separation hit hard on everyone concerned, especially our children. In this entry I have included her most recent email and that of another called Mary. Emma and Mary's story are two ends of the scale. One tells of hope and reconnecting with a father and his little girl, the other of grief and loss of the man she loved and of two little boys who will no longer have dad in their lives. One shows the positive of putting our children first and allowing them to share their precious time with both parents and the other the results of not allowing that to happen. =20 * * * * * * Hey Tony =20 Yes, I received ur package a few days ago and was about to thank you for it. I watched the two DVD's included, and found they were both very special, and I passed the brochures, business cards and other papers onto my teacher today. She was pleased and said "They'd come in handy for next year" so thank u very much. My teacher was proud of the initiative I took in approaching you. Actually the other day I was sitting in math's class when I got a note asking me to see the deputy principle. I was a little apprehensive, but when I walked into his office I knew I wasn't in trouble. He'd been sent an email from a man you work with! His reply was very touching and I didn't know that my email to u would have an effect like that on the amount of people it did, including my CAFS teacher and my deputy principle. It's made me feel great knowing that jus by telling you of how I felt, would give so many men hope. Thanks again for all the info u sent to me, it all came in very helpful...and ill let u know how I went with my assignment. Emma =20 And then.=20 Hi, I have just found your website - I want to say please continue your efforts to help men and prevent what my partner and I have gone through. =20 Briefly: =20 My partner Bill has two beautiful boys (5 years & 2 years). After being thrown out of his home and giving everything (house, car, furniture, entire superannuation etc.) to his ex-wife, he divorced her. We met after his divorce and eventually starting living together. Access to the boys was at the ex-wife's whim - usually one day a fortnight. We eventually got to take the boys on a 4 day holiday after Christmas - however on return the ex decided that Bill had inflicted a bruise on his 2 year old (NOT TRUE!). Without police investigation, Bill was charged with assault. His lawyer quoted $7000 in fees - he tried to get a loan but discovered his ex had kept the phone on in his name, ran up a $1200 bill and he then has a default on his credit rating for the next 10 years. =20 After $2000 spent, Bill decided to represent himself. By the time of the case he hadn't seen the boys in 5 months. The case was dismissed after police didn't turn up, the ex wouldn't testify if she was going to be cross- examined etc. - it was an absolute farce. =20 After many more wrangles with the ex, we finally got to see the boys - who told Bill that mummy said he didn't love them or want to see them. Drop off time - she is nowhere to be seen! Next day more texts saying Bill has poisoned the boys and more vitriol from her. =20 Bill realised this was never going to end - he committed suicide by hanging himself just over two weeks ago. =20 As you can imagine I am devastated - the man I love is gone. The ex even wanted to fight about having his ashes the day before his funeral. =20 Please convey to your members that no matter how hard it is - please never give up. I have lost the love of my life and the world now holds nothing for me. A good man was driven to this by a bitter ex wife and also a one-sided legal system. Please don't let his death be in vain!!! =20 Mary =20 Names have been changed for privacy=20 back to top=20 =20 All you need is Love =20 Dr. Scott Haltzman has a message for men: Treat your marriage like a job. =20 "When you use the work strategies that you use in the workplace at home, you can be really successful," he said on 'Good Morning America'. Also, he said, 'Men need to make their wives their priority'. =20 In his book Haltzman offers practical advice for men to improve their relationships. He tells them that they have to understand that men and women are different and take that in account when communicating. Men tend to be "action-oriented," while women "tend to respond to emotionally based conversation," he said.=20 =20 Below is an excerpt from the book 'The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever' by Dr Scott Haltzman. =20 Chapter One =20 I jumped into the cab, hoping to catch a quick ride from one side of Rhode Island to the other. During the thirty-minute trip, I fell into an easy conversation with the cabbie and soon learned that he was typical of so many men I know ? great at managing and negotiating the complexities of life in general, but insecure and frustrated in his marriage.=20 =20 At first he told me, with great pride, about his car. He planned to replace the horns because of water buildup. He talked about needing to get the transmission rebuilt and how he was able to strike a good deal. Did you know he paid $1,500 for the job on a Buick that had almost 300,000 thousand miles on it?! Soon, the banter shifted to family (probably because I can't help asking people, "So, are you married?"). My cab driver told me that he had two sons and that he had been married for twenty years. Losing the bravado of our earlier conversation, he quietly admitted that he'd been separated from his wife for the last two years.=20 =20 "My wife and I just can't agree on the right way to raise the kids," he said with a sigh that gave away his frustration and resignation.=20 =20 "I didn't want to separate, because I think it's the coward's way out," he was quick to add. "But I just couldn't figure out how to make things better."=20 =20 Usually, as a psychiatrist, I'm the one with the meter running. But during this impromptu session, I was paying for his time, and before we arrived on the other side of Rhode Island, I had something important to say to this man. Here's the short version: You're a creative man who has a marvelous knack for fixing things. If something's not working in your car, you figure out a way to fix it. If you can't, you find someone who can. You've stuck with your car when most owners would have sent it to the trash heap. You have a real sense of commitment and a knack for getting things to work. What makes you think you can't use those same wonderful qualities to save your marriage?=20 =20 When my trip was over ($60!) and my little speech done, my driver look startled, but also relieved, as he said, "No one's ever told me that before, Doc. Thanks."=20 =20 For a long while, I thought about this conversation and about many similar discussions I've had with my patients and colleagues. It's obvious to anyone who studies male behavior that men demonstrate extraordinary skill in sales, mechanics, politics, medicine, finance, construction, and many other areas. So why is it, I have to wonder, that when it comes to problems in relationships, men resign themselves to their fate, act helpless, and give up? After long thought and study, I think I know.=20 =20 For too long, men have been told that they are relationshipincompetent. Maybe that's what you've heard, and maybe that's what you believe. I'm telling you now, loud and clear, it's not true. You are competent. I've got a little more time with you than I did with my driver, so let's talk about you for a while.=20 =20 It's a sure bet that if I were to ask her, your wife would say that you do not contribute as much as she does to the success of your marriage. Find two women talking to each other, and you're likely to hear them joke about how their guys are so useless. You know it's true. Most women are quite vocal about the 'fact' that men do not uphold their end of the matrimonial bargain because they simply do not meet the women's standards.=20 =20 Just one question: Who determined what these standards should be? I have a strong feeling that the finger of blame for unhappy and crumbling marriages most often points to the male because of unrealistic and unattainable expectations. I'm the first to admit that men bear at least an equal share in the blame department, and I've got some ideas about how we men can better contribute to the job of building strong relationships. But first we have to get past the idea that to have a good marriage, men have to be something they are not. Yes, you can have a happy marriage and still be a man.=20 =20 http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com =20 From 'Good Morning America' Jan 26, 2006 =20 back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 It takes time to be a good father. It takes effort - trying, failing, and trying again. =20 Tim Hansel back to top=20 =20 Daddies do Matter Jun 13, 2006 by Rebecca Hagelin=20 Do dads make a difference? =20 Judging by the way they're often depicted in pop culture, the answer would seem to be no. From the big screen to the small screen, from books to advertisements, fathers are mostly bumblers, abusers or dullards.=20 When they're around at all, that is: Many a plot revolves around deadbeat dads who are simply gone, and no one seems the worst for it. As a recent article in The Washington Post noted, There's an increasingly endangered species on modern television: functional marrieds. The dysfunctional ones, by contrast, are legion. The message is clear: If you don't have a father in your life, don't sweat it. Heck, you're probably better off.=20 Well, with Father's Day just around the corner, it's time to explode this so-called conventional wisdom for what it is: a vicious lie. In fact, a wealth of social-science data, much of which can be found on http://www.familyfacts.com , shows the opposite to be true: Loving fathers bring a vital dose of love, security and stability to their wives and children and they make a very positive difference, indeed.=20 Here's one finding about fathers -- published in the journal Child Development and compiled from samples of girls in the United States and New Zealand, who were followed from age five to approximately age 18 -- you can read in just two clicks from the familyfacts.com home page:=20 Even when controlling for differences in family background, father absence was associated with the likelihood that adolescent girls will be sexually active and become pregnant as teenagers. This association was strongest for daughters whose fathers were absent when they were younger. Compared with the pregnancy rates of girls whose fathers were present, rates of teenage pregnancy were 7 to 8 times higher among girls whose fathers were absent early in their childhoods and 2 to 3 times higher among those who suffered father-absence later in their childhood. Another factor that positively affects the children in a family is whether a father is religiously active. W. Bradford Wilcox, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, conducted an extensive amount of research in this area for his book Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. From it, the family facts.com site pulls this eye-opening finding:=20 Frequency of church attendance is a stronger predictor of paternal involvement in one-on-one activities with children than employment and income, and its effect is comparable to that of race, ethnicity, and education. Both active conservative and active mainline Protestant fathers have significantly higher one-on-one and youth involvement scores than their unaffiliated counterparts.=20 Yet where are the fathers that we so desperately need? Despite clear evidence of the positive difference that they make, we've seen their numbers drop precipitously over the last few decades. According to family expert Patrick Fagan of The Heritage Foundation, in 1950, 12 out of every 100 children born entered a broken family -- four were born out of wedlock and eight saw their parents divorce. Fast forward 50 years, and the number quintuples: For every 100 born, 60 wind up in a broken family -- 33 born out of wedlock and 27 see their parents divorce.=20 As Fagan concludes, in the space of one half century, America has transformed itself from being a culture of belonging to being a culture of rejection. And the children caught in the middle pay the price. As Fagan writes:=20 How much of a difference do these absent fathers make? Plenty. Survey data from the National Institutes of Health (NIH), for example, show that teen-agers without a dad around are almost twice as likely to be depressed as teen-agers from an intact married family. They are more than four times as likely to be expelled from school and three times as likely to repeat a grade. Drug and alcohol abuse is much more common. On top of that, they are also more likely to have sex before they are married-setting the stage for yet another fatherless generation.=20 Life without a father also is a good way to miss out on the American Dream. The poverty rate for all children in married-couple families is roughly 7 percent, NIH data show. By contrast, the poverty rate for all children in single-parent families is 51 percent.=20 Maybe the folks in the make-believe world of television and the movies can get by without functional marrieds and the dads who make up one half of that vital equation. But for those of us in the real world, fathers play an irreplaceable role. As I point out in my book, Home Invasion, they help us mothers raise the happy, healthy children who make a thriving society possible.=20 So to all the fathers out there: Don't let the pop culture relegate you to oblivion. We need your leadership and your love, we need you. You are vital to your families, to our society and to our nation's future. Please make every day a day of fathering.=20 _________________________________________________________ Rebecca is the author of Home Invasion: Protecting Your Family in a Culture That's Gone Stark Raving Mad and a vice president at The Heritage Foundation, a Townhall.com Gold Partner. Copyright =A9 2006 Rebecca Hagelin=20 =20 back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 GOOD to GREAT - the challenge =20 The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS.=20 =20 Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus=20 Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks=20 =20 'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world?s greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him.=20 =20 Modelled on the training plan of Australia's elite special forces, the SAS. The Australian SAS is one of the greatest special service military units in the world. The training for SAS recruits produces soldiers who are the best of the best - proficient, disciplined and committed leaders. Becoming a 'Father of Excellence' will require a similar standard of single-mindedness and devotion. The challenges and inspiration to be gained will equip men to be effective servant leaders well able to challenge and inspire those around them.=20 =20 Hear from fathers who have succeeded at what matters the most Each week of 'Good to Great', you and your colleagues will be issued with field exercises. These exercises will involve you increasing your level of practical fatherhood skills. One such assignment will be to set one night a week aside for family dinner. Another, to take your wife away for a romantic weekend. Each dad will have a mentor. These fathers will share their weaknesses and strengths and their keys for success as a father. A pooling of our knowledge and skills will help us all to be more effective. Everybody has something to contribute to one another's development. =20 If you are up to the challenge and opportunity of being a father by which other fathers can set their compass, then 'Good to Great' is for you. Be more than a man, be a Father of Excellence. Do it now. Do it for your children, yourself, your wife and family and your nation. =20 A DVD and enrolment form is available.=20 Please email info@fathersonline.org with your name, address and phone number to request an enrolment form and DVD. =20 Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity. =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Report on International Men's Health Week=20 12-18 June 2006 =20 International Men's Health Week (IMHW) has been recognised with events across the state including a forum at the Central Coast, involving Gosford Courthouse staff. =20 John Arms, Registrar for Gosford Courthouse is also the Secretary and Treasurer of the Central Coast Suicide Safety Network, and recently coordinated and chaired a Men's Health Forum on the Central Coast as part of Men's Health Week, 12-18 June 2006.=20 =20 "I saw it as part of my coronial role in the prevention of death, mainly suicide, and part of my registrarial role as building community relationships," Mr Arms said. =20 "We had about 50 health workers attend," he said.=20 =20 IMHW aims to raise community awareness about the importance of men's and boy's health and wellbeing in Australia today, including factors impacting on their physical, social, emotional and spiritual health. For further information phone=20 Terry Hayes 02 4320 3221 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 =20 Letters =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Just a short note of encouragement, I love the work you guys do, so worthwhile, so needed. I consider myself to be a fairly good father, but can often fall way short of the mark. I can always do better. There is always loads of good stuff in your articles to remind me & help me do just that.=20 Every time I read your newsletter, I'm convicted of something.=20 Robby Williams writes it well when he says (And he says it for all of us) 'Lord I'm doin all I can to be a better man' =20 Keep up the great work. God bless you & yours Keith =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Like you, we too watched the games, but for us it was at reasonable hours: The last game was too enthralling I sent the first half glue to the . . . Yes you've guessed the kitchen sink. It was boring and lifeless and even in the second half the most exciting part was when the apparently blind English referee missed a blatant offside when Aussies scored, which I supposed made up for the rest of his mistakes. =20 John Mason Great Britain =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 CONGRATULATIONS on this 200th issue !=20 Blessings to you and the ministry you are bringing attention to!! Love, John and Chris =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Congrats on the 200th edition. With kind regards,=20 =20 David Way. Media Chaplain =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Always good to 'read', 'hear' and 'digest' this correspondence. =20 Keep up the good work =20 Regards=20 Jim Turner =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 Went to see Adam Sandlers new movie "Click" the other day. Better =20 than I thought and a great movie for dads to see. Very powerful =20 about the issues of work dominating family time and not putting =20 enough into relationships. =20 Certainly worth a look. Cheers "For God's sake, do something courageous." Zwingli Geoff Deutscher =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation It is always wonderful to receive your e-mails, One issue you raised is the addiction to Coffee, mine is still high! However there is an upside to coffee, pardon the pun, we are putting it in the wrong end!!!!!!!!!! A Dr Gerson at the turn of the century used coffee enemas to treat pain and cancer very effectively, Its ability to detox the body is amazing http://www.gerson.org/=20 =20 Check out the section on Gerson Therapy, =20 May I make another suggestion: put a hyperlink to your e-mail address so people can respond without having to use the reply button in the original e-mail. When the reply button is used this then requires the reloading of the entire file into the reply e-mail, if your computer is slow (as mine is) this can take up to a couple of minutes and also adds to the extra traffic on the net!!!!!! =20 As a matter of course I try to remember to delete the original message so as not to add to the high traffic on the net. God bless =20 Regards Betty and Len Nth Qld Pain Help Centre P. O. Box 236 Mareeba=20 Queensland 4880 Australia. len.harris@bigpond.com=20 =20 back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer Dear God =20 Help me forgive the referee who gave Italy the penalty=20 in the closing seconds of the game, Australia v Italy. Guus Hiddink said, 'There is no justice in soccer'. I think he is right. Perhaps it's got to do with the fact that all the referees this side of your dwelling place can make mistakes. There is only one perfect referee! There is only one perfect Father and You are it . . .! Is there any chance of helping us by refereeing a few of our matches in=20 The 2010 World Cup, or are you already booked up? back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_1A333_01C69DB6.01955390 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 201 - 3rd July 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

Last week I invited graduates from the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century to get together for a meal. Many of them couldn't make it because of prior commitments, but for those who could, it was another milestone in their development and journey as a father.  Like our usual Good to Great meetings it was a men only event (my wife tries to make herself scarce, very scarce).  Food is a wonderful leveller.  All of us need to eat, and eating together is a wonderful way to acknowledge our humanity, encourage communication and establish friendship.  That's why having family meals together are so important.  But that's another subject.

 

I started the night by telling the first set of graduates from 'Good to Great' the good news that on Thursday 7th September 06 we will be commencing our next course in Wollongong.  Any father who graduates successfully from the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course will have free access to all future 'Good to Great' courses at no extra cost.  This is one of the many benefits of completing the course.

 

Our new course will be tougher than the last one.  It goes for ten weeks instead of eight, in order to cover two important areas not previously dealt with in the last 'Good to Great' course.  One of those topics is sex.  The other is 'rites of passage' for both boys and girls. Celebrations surrounding rites of passage are not widely understood nor commonly practised in our western culture.  However most of the peoples of the world and especially the more indigenous people groups have been observing such ceremonies for thousands of years. eg Australia's Aboriginal people.  Brian Molitar, USA www.malachiglo bal.org  will be one of our presenters and I will be sharing some of his insights in this newsletter over the coming weeks.

 

After we had eaten together we sat around the table and talked about how everyone had been faring since 'Good to Great'.  I reminded the guys that the Good to Great course is only a journey, not a destination, and to please share with us the bad, as well as the good, because we are all human. Everyone spoke about how the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course had made a positive impact on their family life.  Most of the guys had experienced a definite improvement in their relationship with their wife.  One of the requirements for the course is to take your wife away for a romantic weekend before you can graduate.  Many of the guys have continued this practice since the course with great results.  Others were continuing to turn the TV off at family meal times.  One father has one 'screen free day' per week in his home.  No TVs, no computers, no game-boys for one day per week. This is a great idea if it can be negotiated.  His family is talking more on those days and communicating better.  Others were taking their children out for dates or a celebratory meal, just with dad.

 

It was very moving listening to their stories, and no one really wanted to go home.  We all realised that we are all on the journey to becoming great dads.  Sometimes it's three steps forward and two steps back.  Other times we fall short of our goals.  The key thing is to keep moving forward, because as my good friend Wayne Larkin pointed out - 80% of success is just turning up.

 

Lovework

 

You are reading this weekly newsletter.  Congratulations! 

You are working on becoming a great dad.

 

'Good to Great' is not a destination, but a journey.  Your children will be happy that you are on this journey.  They are the ones who will benefit. 80% of your success is just turning up.  Every week you read this newsletter, you are exposing yourself to new ideas and new challenges to keep you on the journey to becoming the father your children need.

 

Keep up the awesome work

 

Yours for the journey

Warwick Marsh

 

PS We all get a chance to practise the ancient art form of 'forgiveness' after the dramatic World Cup match with Italy.  As Guus Hiddink said, 'There is no such thing as justice in sport', and the penalty awarded to Italy was highly dubious to say the least.  However the Socceroos have done us proud and we at the Fatherhood Foundation, and the people of Australia, salute you for your incredible effort and sportsmanship.

 

For those who want information about the 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century, check out News & Info or email us with your phone and address details to receive a free introductory DVD and info pack: info@fathersonline.org  

 ________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

       

The young man knows the rules,

but the old man know the exceptions.

 

Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

 

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Laughter

 

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."

"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

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Single Dads

 

'If Only We Could Get On'

- for our children's sake

by Tony Miller dids

www.dadsindistress.asn.au  

 

In my article 2 weeks ago I included an email from a young girl called Emma about her feelings towards her dad. It touched a lot of hearts and gave hope to those who thought there was none. The effects of divorce or separation hit hard on everyone concerned, especially our children. In this entry I have included her most recent email and that of another called Mary. Emma and Mary's story are two ends of the scale. One tells of hope and reconnecting with a father and his little girl, the other of grief and loss of the man she loved and of two little boys who will no longer have dad in their lives. One shows the positive of putting our children first and allowing them to share their precious time with both parents and the other the results of not allowing that to happen.

 

* * * * * *

Hey Tony

 

Yes, I received ur package a few days ago and was about to thank you for it. I watched the two DVD's included, and found they were both very special, and I passed the brochures, business cards and other papers onto my teacher today. She was pleased and said "They'd come in handy for next year" so thank u very much. My teacher was proud of the initiative I took in approaching you. Actually the other day I was sitting in math's class when I got a note asking me to see the deputy principle. I was a little apprehensive, but when I walked into his office I knew I wasn't in trouble. He'd been sent an email from a man you work with! His reply was very touching and I didn't know that my email to u would have an effect like that on the amount of people it did, including my CAFS teacher and my deputy principle. It's made me feel great knowing that jus by telling you of how I felt, would give so many men hope.

Thanks again for all the info u sent to me, it all came in very helpful...and ill let u know how I went with my assignment.

Emma

 

And then.

Hi, I have just found your website - I want to say please continue your efforts to help men and prevent what my partner and I have gone through.

 

Briefly:

 

My partner Bill has two beautiful boys (5 years & 2 years). After being thrown out of his home and giving everything (house, car, furniture, entire superannuation etc.) to his ex-wife, he divorced her. We met after his divorce and eventually starting living together. Access to the boys was at the ex-wife's whim - usually one day a fortnight.  We eventually got to take the boys on a 4 day holiday after Christmas - however on return the ex decided that Bill had inflicted a bruise on his 2 year old (NOT TRUE!).  Without police investigation, Bill was charged with assault. His lawyer quoted $7000 in fees - he tried to get a loan but discovered his ex had kept the phone on in his name, ran up a $1200 bill and he then has a default on his credit rating for the next 10 years.

 

After $2000 spent, Bill decided to represent himself. By the time of the case he hadn't seen the boys in 5 months. The case was dismissed after police didn't turn up, the ex wouldn't testify if she was going to be cross- examined etc. - it was an absolute farce.

 

After many more wrangles with the ex, we finally got to see the boys - who told Bill that mummy said he didn't love them or want to see them. Drop off time - she is nowhere to be seen!  Next day more texts saying Bill has poisoned the boys and more vitriol from her.

 

Bill realised this was never going to end - he committed suicide by hanging himself just over two weeks ago.

 

As you can imagine I am devastated - the man I love is gone. The ex even wanted to fight about having his ashes the day before his funeral.

 

Please convey to your members that no matter how hard it is - please never give up. I have lost the love of my life and the world now holds nothing for me. A good man was driven to this by a bitter ex wife and also a one-sided legal system. Please don't let his death be in vain!!!

 

Mary

 

Names have been changed for privacy

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All you need is Love

 

Dr. Scott Haltzman has a message for men: Treat your marriage like a job.

 

"When you use the work strategies that you use in the workplace at home, you can be really successful," he said on 'Good Morning America'. Also, he said, 'Men need to make their wives their priority'.

 

In his book Haltzman offers practical advice for men to improve their relationships. He tells them that they have to understand that men and women are different and take that in account when communicating. Men tend to be "action-oriented," while women "tend to respond to emotionally based conversation," he said.

 

Below is an excerpt from the book 'The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever' by Dr Scott Haltzman.

 

Chapter One

 

I jumped into the cab, hoping to catch a quick ride from one side of Rhode Island to the other. During the thirty-minute trip, I fell into an easy conversation with the cabbie and soon learned that he was typical of so many men I know ? great at managing and negotiating the complexities of life in general, but insecure and frustrated in his marriage.

 

At first he told me, with great pride, about his car. He planned to replace the horns because of water buildup. He talked about needing to get the transmission rebuilt and how he was able to strike a good deal. Did you know he paid $1,500 for the job on a Buick that had almost 300,000 thousand miles on it?! Soon, the banter shifted to family (probably because I can't help asking people, "So, are you married?"). My cab driver told me that he had two sons and that he had been married for twenty years. Losing the bravado of our earlier conversation, he quietly admitted that he'd been separated from his wife for the last two years.

 

"My wife and I just can't agree on the right way to raise the kids," he said with a sigh that gave away his frustration and resignation.

 

"I didn't want to separate, because I think it's the coward's way out," he was quick to add. "But I just couldn't figure out how to make things better."

 

Usually, as a psychiatrist, I'm the one with the meter running. But during this impromptu session, I was paying for his time, and before we arrived on the other side of Rhode Island, I had something important to say to this man. Here's the short version: You're a creative man who has a marvelous knack for fixing things. If something's not working in your car, you figure out a way to fix it. If you can't, you find someone who can. You've stuck with your car when most owners would have sent it to the trash heap. You have a real sense of commitment and a knack for getting things to work. What makes you think you can't use those same wonderful qualities to save your marriage?

 

When my trip was over ($60!) and my little speech done, my driver look startled, but also relieved, as he said, "No one's ever told me that before, Doc. Thanks."

 

For a long while, I thought about this conversation and about many similar discussions I've had with my patients and colleagues. It's obvious to anyone who studies male behavior that men demonstrate extraordinary skill in sales, mechanics, politics, medicine, finance, construction, and many other areas. So why is it, I have to wonder, that when it comes to problems in relationships, men resign themselves to their fate, act helpless, and give up? After long thought and study, I think I know.

 

For too long, men have been told that they are relationshipincompetent. Maybe that's what you've heard, and maybe that's what you believe. I'm telling you now, loud and clear, it's not true. You are competent. I've got a little more time with you than I did with my driver, so let's talk about you for a while.

 

It's a sure bet that if I were to ask her, your wife would say that you do not contribute as much as she does to the success of your marriage. Find two women talking to each other, and you're likely to hear them joke about how their guys are so useless. You know it's true. Most women are quite vocal about the 'fact' that men do not uphold their end of the matrimonial bargain because they simply do not meet the women's standards.

 

Just one question: Who determined what these standards should be? I have a strong feeling that the finger of blame for unhappy and crumbling marriages most often points to the male because of unrealistic and unattainable expectations. I'm the first to admit that men bear at least an equal share in the blame department, and I've got some ideas about how we men can better contribute to the job of building strong relationships. But first we have to get past the idea that to have a good marriage, men have to be something they are not. Yes, you can have a happy marriage and still be a man.

 

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com  

From 'Good Morning America' Jan 26, 2006

 

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Thought of the Week

It takes time to be a good father.

It takes effort -

trying, failing, and trying again.

 

Tim Hansel

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Daddies do Matter

Jun 13, 2006

by Rebecca Hagelin

Do dads make a difference?

Judging by the way they're often depicted in pop culture, the answer would seem to be no. From the big screen to the small screen, from books to advertisements, fathers are mostly bumblers, abusers or dullards.

When they're around at all, that is: Many a plot revolves around deadbeat dads who are simply gone, and no one seems the worst for it. As a recent article in The Washington Post noted, There's an increasingly endangered species on modern television: functional marrieds. The dysfunctional ones, by contrast, are legion. The message is clear: If you don't have a father in your life, don't sweat it. Heck, you're probably better off.

Well, with Father's Day just around the corner, it's time to explode this so-called conventional wisdom for what it is: a vicious lie. In fact, a wealth of social-science data, much of which can be found on http://www.familyfacts.com , shows the opposite to be true: Loving fathers bring a vital dose of love, security and stability to their wives and children and they make a very positive difference, indeed.

Here's one finding about fathers -- published in the journal Child Development and compiled from samples of girls in the United States and New Zealand, who were followed from age five to approximately age 18 -- you can read in just two clicks from the familyfacts.com  home page:

Even when controlling for differences in family background, father absence was associated with the likelihood that adolescent girls will be sexually active and become pregnant as teenagers. This association was strongest for daughters whose fathers were absent when they were younger. Compared with the pregnancy rates of girls whose fathers were present, rates of teenage pregnancy were 7 to 8 times higher among girls whose fathers were absent early in their childhoods and 2 to 3 times higher among those who suffered father-absence later in their childhood.

Another factor that positively affects the children in a family is whether a father is religiously active. W. Bradford Wilcox, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, conducted an extensive amount of research in this area for his book Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. From it, the family facts.com site pulls this eye-opening finding:

Frequency of church attendance is a stronger predictor of paternal involvement in one-on-one activities with children than employment and income, and its effect is comparable to that of race, ethnicity, and education. Both active conservative and active mainline Protestant fathers have significantly higher one-on-one and youth involvement scores than their unaffiliated counterparts.

Yet where are the fathers that we so desperately need? Despite clear evidence of the positive difference that they make, we've seen their numbers drop precipitously over the last few decades. According to family expert Patrick Fagan of The Heritage Foundation, in 1950, 12 out of every 100 children born entered a broken family -- four were born out of wedlock and eight saw their parents divorce. Fast forward 50 years, and the number quintuples: For every 100 born, 60 wind up in a broken family -- 33 born out of wedlock and 27 see their parents divorce.

As Fagan concludes, in the space of one half century, America has transformed itself from being a culture of belonging to being a culture of rejection. And the children caught in the middle pay the price. As Fagan writes:

How much of a difference do these absent fathers make? Plenty. Survey data from the National Institutes of Health (NIH), for example, show that teen-agers without a dad around are almost twice as likely to be depressed as teen-agers from an intact married family. They are more than four times as likely to be expelled from school and three times as likely to repeat a grade. Drug and alcohol abuse is much more common. On top of that, they are also more likely to have sex before they are married-setting the stage for yet another fatherless generation.

Life without a father also is a good way to miss out on the American Dream. The poverty rate for all children in married-couple families is roughly 7 percent, NIH data show. By contrast, the poverty rate for all children in single-parent families is 51 percent.

Maybe the folks in the make-believe world of television and the movies can get by without functional marrieds and the dads who make up one half of that vital equation. But for those of us in the real world, fathers play an irreplaceable role. As I point out in my book, Home Invasion, they help us mothers raise the happy, healthy children who make a thriving society possible.

So to all the fathers out there: Don't let the pop culture relegate you to oblivion. We need your leadership and your love, we need you. You are vital to your families, to our society and to our nation's future. Please make every day a day of fathering.

_________________________________________________________

Rebecca is the author of Home Invasion: Protecting Your Family in a Culture That's Gone Stark Raving Mad and a vice president at The Heritage Foundation, a Townhall.com Gold Partner.

Copyright © 2006 Rebecca Hagelin 

 

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 


GOOD  to  GREAT  -  the  challenge

 

The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS.

 

Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus

Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks

 

'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world?s greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him.

 

Modelled on the training plan of Australia's elite special forces, the SAS.

The Australian SAS is one of the greatest special service military units in the world. The training for SAS recruits produces soldiers who are the best of the best - proficient, disciplined and committed leaders. Becoming a 'Father of Excellence' will require a similar standard of single-mindedness and devotion. The challenges and inspiration to be gained will equip men to be effective servant leaders well able to challenge and inspire those around them.

 

Hear from fathers who have succeeded at what matters the most

Each week of 'Good to Great', you and your colleagues will be issued with field exercises. These exercises will involve you increasing your level of practical fatherhood skills. One such assignment will be to set one night a week aside for family dinner. Another, to take your wife away for a romantic weekend. Each dad will have a mentor. These fathers will share their weaknesses and strengths and their keys for success as a father. A pooling of our knowledge and skills will help us all to be more effective. Everybody has something to contribute to one another's development.

 

If you are up to the challenge and opportunity of being a father by which other fathers can set their compass, then 'Good to Great' is for you. Be more than a man, be a Father of Excellence. Do it now. Do it for your children, yourself, your wife and family and your nation.

 

A DVD and enrolment form is available.

Please email info@fathersonline.org  with your name, address and phone number to request an enrolment form and DVD.

 

Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Report on International Men's Health Week

12-18 June 2006

 

International Men's Health Week (IMHW) has been recognised with events across the state including a forum at the Central Coast, involving Gosford Courthouse staff.

 

John Arms, Registrar for Gosford Courthouse is also the Secretary and Treasurer of the Central Coast Suicide Safety Network, and recently coordinated and chaired a Men's Health Forum on the Central Coast as part of Men's Health Week, 12-18 June 2006.

 

"I saw it as part of my coronial role in the prevention of death, mainly suicide, and part of my registrarial role as building community relationships," Mr Arms said.

 

"We had about 50 health workers attend," he said.

 

IMHW aims to raise community awareness about the importance of men's and boy's health and wellbeing in Australia today, including factors impacting on their physical, social, emotional and spiritual health.

For further information phone

Terry Hayes 02 4320 3221

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Just a short note of encouragement, I love the work you guys do, so worthwhile, so needed.

I consider myself to be a fairly good father, but can often fall way short of the mark. I can always do better.

There is always loads of good stuff in your articles to remind me & help me do just that.

Every time I read your newsletter, I'm convicted of something.

Robby Williams writes it well when he says (And he says it for all of us)

'Lord I'm doin all I can to be a better man'

 

Keep up the great work.

God bless you & yours

Keith

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Like you, we too watched the games, but for us it was at reasonable hours:

The last game was too enthralling I sent the first half glue to the . . . Yes you've guessed the kitchen sink. It was boring and lifeless and even in the second half the most exciting part was when the apparently blind English referee missed a blatant offside when Aussies scored, which I supposed made up for the rest of his mistakes.

 

John Mason

Great Britain

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

CONGRATULATIONS on this 200th issue !

Blessings to you and the ministry you are bringing attention to!!

Love, John and Chris

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *     

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Congrats on the 200th edition.

With kind regards,

 

David Way.

Media Chaplain

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Always good to 'read', 'hear' and 'digest' this correspondence. 

Keep up the good work

 

Regards

Jim Turner

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Went to see Adam Sandlers new movie "Click" the other day.  Better 

than I thought and a great movie for dads to see.  Very powerful 

about the issues of work dominating family time and not putting 

enough into relationships.

 

Certainly worth a look.

Cheers

"For God's sake, do something courageous."  Zwingli

Geoff Deutscher

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

It is always wonderful to receive your e-mails,

One issue you raised is the addiction to Coffee, mine is still high!

However there is an upside to coffee, pardon the pun, we are putting it in the wrong end!!!!!!!!!!

A Dr Gerson at the turn of the century used coffee enemas to treat pain and cancer very effectively,

Its ability to detox the body is amazing http://www.gerson.org/

 

Check out the section on Gerson Therapy,

 

May I make another suggestion: put a hyperlink to your e-mail address so people can respond without having to use the reply button in the original e-mail.

When the reply button is used this then requires the reloading of the entire file into the reply e-mail, if your computer is slow (as mine is) this can take up to a couple of minutes and also adds to the extra traffic on the net!!!!!!

 

As a matter of course I try to remember to delete the original message so as not to add to the high traffic on the net.

God bless

 

Regards Betty and Len

Nth Qld Pain Help Centre

P. O. Box 236

Mareeba

Queensland 4880 Australia.

len.harris@bigpond.com

 

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

 

Help me forgive the referee

who gave Italy the penalty

in the closing seconds of the game, Australia v Italy.

Guus Hiddink said, 'There is no justice in soccer'.

I think he is right.

Perhaps it's got to do with the fact that all the referees

this side of your dwelling place
can make mistakes.

There is only one perfect referee!

There is only one perfect Father

and You are it . . .!

Is there any chance of helping us by

refereeing a few of our matches in

The 2010 World Cup,

or are you already booked up?

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading.

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