Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id C9867DEB57 for ; Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:19:42 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 32525-04 for ; Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:19:26 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 150.101.193.82 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=150.101.193.82; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 07052DEB55 for ; Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:19:22 +1000 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:19:06 +1000 Thread-Topic: True Love Waits Reply-To: Message-ID: <133401c6ade5$3a737900$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: Acat5Tpx7K1TLszWSualEOunmpFsew== From: To: Subject: True Love Waits Date: Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:19:06 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_1335_01C6AE39.0C1F8900" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2663 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 22 Jul 2006 23:19:06.0656 (UTC) FILETIME=[3A75EA00:01C6ADE5] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_1335_01C6AE39.0C1F8900 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 204 - 24thJuly 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick As we drove along the busy street into town my 13 year old daughter asked me, "Where are we going for lunch?" I answered, "Somewhere special because you're special!" I'd like to think she was impressed, but I couldn't help feeling that she just rolled her eyes with the nonchalant 'whatever' expression that young teenage girls are so 'clever' with, especially when it comes to anything to do with Dad. Yes, my daughter too is thirteen going on nineteen. That most challenging of times that every parent braces themselves for, and yet is never really ready for. I have taken my daughter out on dates before and she was always mildly impressed, except for that time when Dad started swinging around poles in George St, Sydney on the way to the movies. Dads are funny creatures at the best of times. This time I had to use pure subterfuge to win this date with my daughter. She was not going to be embarrassed by her dad again, so I had to be a little more cunning in order to get her to go out with me. My daughter had asked her mother for a purity ring, also known as a chastity ring. The idea behind it is to wear this ring to show that you intend to keep yourself for your future husband/wife until marriage. Whatever 'the ring' may be called, it struck me as a very good idea, even better that it was not our idea but hers. Just to know that my daughter was thinking along these lines made me, as a father, intensely proud. The ploy was that we were going to pick up 'the ring' after we had lunch together, my way of making a bit of a big deal about the whole thing. However I had already picked up the ring and had it in my pocket. All women love jewellery and my daughter is no exception. As we turned into our local plush hotel, she said, "We can't go here its too expensive." I thought to myself, "You're right!" (As always money is too tight to mention) But with a brave voice I said, "Nothing is too expensive for a special daughter like you." As I asked the waiter for a table for two, I felt my daughter's unimpressiveness wearing down slightly. The next challenge I faced was conversation. Even though my daughter and I live in the same house, we both tend to live in a 'world of our own'. Come to think of it, maybe that is a hereditary trait. Gee, that's a worry! Trying to sound interested I asked, "What is your favourite pastime?" "Sleep," was the one word reply. I had long suspected that, but I was still surprised by the answer. "What about hanging out with your friends?" I asked. "Depends on what friends," was the simple reply. Horse riding and a whole host of other activities were pipped at the post by 'sleep'. When it came to school, art and music were equal first, closely followed by English and history, because of the teacher. Maths was not high on the list, because of the teacher. Singing and song-writing were activities that at times came ahead of sleep and this was comforting for me as a father, or should I say musician. Mind you, all through this deep and meaningful conversation my daughter was saying to me, "Can we go now and pick up the ring?" When I pulled the jewellery box out of my pocket and placed the ring on her finger, she was delighted. I asked her what this ring meant, and she told me it was all about keeping herself for the man she was going to marry. When I asked, "Why?" she answered, "I don't know!" That's when I told her that if a man was able to love her by keeping the sex act for marriage then he really did love her. Love is best measured by commitment. True love waits. When I asked my daughter if she had thought about marriage, she told me she had picked her three best friends to be her bridesmaids and the colour of their dresses. As I said before, she is thirteen going on nineteen. This shows that it is never too early to start talking about these important issues. I am glad that I have made a start with my wife's encouragement. If our children can't learn from us, they will learn from someone else and that person might not share our values and have our children's best interests at heart. Don't miss an opportunity! Lovework Talk to your children about marriage, true love and sex. Use your moments wisely. After all, who better can they learn from? Yours for True Love Warwick Marsh PS We are offering 'Good to Great' for Single Dads as a specific stream of our Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course, commencing on 7th September 2006. To register your interest please check out the enclosed 'News & Info' section or email: info@fathersonline.org ________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads GRANDPARENT'S WEEK By Dianne Sollee from Smart Marriages http://www.smartmarriages.com Those of you that have been on the list, know about "gramma week" which I've been doing all ten years of Smart Marriages - started the first year with just one grandchild. For past six years, all five of my grandkids come each summer to spend 10 days with me. Their parents go off for a child-free "marriage vacation". I highly recommend it to all able-bodied grandparents as the best marriage-strengthening gift you can give your adult kids. My sons and daughters in-law look forward to it all year long. I also think of it as preventive grandparenting - to help make sure I don't ever end up either losing contact with my grandkids or raising them full time after a divorce. (50% of all divorced adults return to live with their parents after divorce - bringing their kids with them.) But much more, I just do it for the sheer pleasure, it's a total change of pace and makes me feel so young. I also love giving my grandchildren the idea that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence. And that marriage is fun and romantic. They get all giggly over the idea. "Wonder what mamma and daddy are doing right now?" I ask them. "Probably dancing. Probably holding hands while they kayak around the glaciers. Probably kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower. Tee hee." It's also absolutely the best way to get to know your grandkids - just you and them with no parents in between. Mine are now almost all grown up, 6 - 11. Very different than when they were 1 to 7, but we can now go farther and do bigger adventures. If you don't have parents that can do this, I encourage you to set up a swap with siblings or friends. It takes planning - so start now. If you can't manage a week, take a long weekend. It's a message to each other - and a strong message to your kids. We must practice what we preach. http://www.smartmarriages.com back to top Laughter THE BIG BOYS "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Shane Wakelin) "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (Mick Malthouse) "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies) "You guys line up alphabetically by height," and "you guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." (Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training) Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." (Kevin Sheedy on James Hird) Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games "It's basically the same, just darker." Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.' Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first." "Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago."(Dermott Brereton) "Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." (Mark Williams) "He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (Dermott Brereton) "We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." (Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles) "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."(Luke Darcy) "That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." (Dermott Brereton) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious." (Adrian Anderson) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Andrew Demetriou) "I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL, but there are none better." (Dermott Brereton) "I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Terry Wallace) Garry Lyon: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography? David Swartz: "On what?" "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Dermott Brereton) "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (Dermott Brereton) back to top Single Dads Well it was time to take my boy back today after spending the first half of the school holidays together. We were fortunate this time as I was able to save some money for an upcoming trip but ended up blowing it on the little fella over the holidays. One of my dads in distress had his three little girls for the first half of the holidays as well and called in on his way up to Surfers Paradise. They were going to do all the theme parks and we were invited to join them for a couple of days. I thought it would be great for my young bloke as he would have someone to go on the rides with as I always seem to have all the symptoms they display on their warning notices for those that should not ride. Anyhow, I ended up flaunting a few and joined my young bloke and the girls on some of the rides. I have to say they scared the pants off me, but it was worth seeing and hearing my young bloke and the girls having the time of their lives. I was indebted to my mate for letting me share part of his time with his kids. I hadn't witnessed my young bloke laugh and smile so much in a long time. The girls had a ball as well and were very, very brave. There seemed to be no ride that scared them, all but the littlest. They started to call me pop until they saw my disgruntled look ( I don't feel that old, although I am already a pop) and after I ventured on a couple of rides it was uncle and smiles all around. We shared lollies, ice cream, donuts, maccas, all the stuff we as adults are not suppose to eat anymore, but what the heck. It was good to be there. I had taken my family there many years ago, way before my young fella could remember. I remembered though. Once there were five of us now there are two. One of the rides was a roller coaster in darkness. When I got off and the kids went back for 2nd's, 3rd's, 4th's, I sat there thinking that the ride pretty well summed up the roller coaster that I and many of the dads in distress I know have been riding over the past 6 years. Sharp twists and turns, up one minute down the next, going forward one minute, backwards the next, never knowing where the next turn will take you or what surprise is around the corner, all in utter darkness, not knowing what's coming next and then eventually emerging back out into the light. I was pleased to be out in the light. No more time for thought. I was quickly snapped back into reality. "What's next, Dad, Pop, Uncle........The Wild West ride, let's go," and we did.......Two single dads, four kids, in a sea of families and we did good....... Now it's back to the empty time but maybe not so empty as before. I can still hear their laughs......... I hope you are emerging into the light. Tony Miller dids dids@nor.com.au back to top All you need is Love MESSAGE ON MARRIAGE TO YOUNG WOMEN Chattanooga Times Free Press By Julie Baumgardner July 2, 2006 When Barbara Dafoe Whitehead was growing up, her father gave her four rules for selecting a husband. He should be a man of good character and conscience and a man who will make a good father and be a good provider. He must not be an asthmatic. Her father was a doctor and an asthmatic. Ms. Whitehead did find a man who exuded most of these qualities and has been married to him for 39 years. The one area in which she rebelled: she married a man who is asthmatic. "Things are different now for girls," Ms. Whitehead said. "Both of my girls are single and in their 30s. One of them shared with me that someone in college told her that to think about marriage shows a lack of ambition. In the popular culture -- reality TV, celebrity gossip, etc. -- young women today hear messages of heartbreak and failure, heartbreak and cheating, heartbreak and lying. There is NOT a lot out there about being successful in marriage." According to Ms. Whitehead, only 20 percent of young adults came from broken homes in the late '70s compared to 40 percent in the late '90s. Many women have first hand experience with divorce. These young people gather a tremendous amount of misinformation along the way that if acted upon will significantly lower their chances of success in marriage. "I believe there are five pervasive messages of failure that young women are receiving today," Ms. Whitehead said. * Teenage sex has nothing to do with having a healthy marriage. Two thirds of today's teens believe it is OK to have sex if you love the person. The truth is the consequences of teen sex can last a lifetime while the relationship doesn't. * It is OK to have kids first because you can find a guy later. The highest percentage of unwed births today is to women in their 20s. Although they hope they can find a guy later on, evidence shows that their chances of successful marriage decline as do their chances of ever marrying. * People should live together before marriage. The evidence suggests that it does not increase your chances of having a successful marriage and there is strong evidence that it increases your changes for divorce. * There is nothing you can do to prepare for a healthy, successful marriage. There are many who believe having a lot of bad relationships is the only way to have a good one and heartbreak is unavoidable. * There is nothing you can do to change your chances of divorce. The mantra for today's young people is "50 percent of all marriages end in divorce," Ms. Whitehead said. They believe that a successful marriage is a roll of the dice. That is not true. There is a lot they can do. "The truth is, young women in their teens and 20s should have tremendous hope for a successful marriage in the future," Ms. Whitehead said. "If you want to have a healthy marriage, here are some things to consider: Caring adults can utilize the excellent resource "Making a Love Connection" to assist teens in making healthy decisions. At the heart of the message of hope is a message about sequence or timing. Young women can significantly improve their chances of having a healthy marriage by finishing high school, waiting until they are out of their teens to marry and waiting to have a child until they are married. If they do these things, their chances of living in poverty or divorcing decrease dramatically, and their chances of having a healthy marriage go way up. Teen girls looking for a committed relationship shouldn't settle for any old guy. Don't live with someone before marriage. Most women want a committed relationship. When they marry, they typically do so in front of many people. There is no mistake about what they are doing. Moving in with someone is private. There is nobody there except maybe the moving guys. One young lady said, "I really didn't care about wedding vows, but when I lived with my boyfriend we didn't vow to do anything.'' Young women should complete their education in their 20s and marry before the age of 30. In general, research shows that if people marry in their 20s, their marriages are distinctly happier than if they marry later in life. Girls should date with the intentions of marrying. It's important for them to consider what they are looking for in a mate and don't date guys who aren't marriage minded. They should put themselves in places where they are likely to meet the kind of guys they are interested in marrying. Young adults shouldn't wait until they are engaged to get marriage education. They need to study relationships as much as possible. People who know better do better. It's important to value marriage education and share the knowledge with others. Lastly, they should consider a small wedding, if marriage is in their plans. Many people delay getting married until they can pay for a huge bash or a destination wedding that stresses them out and makes them crabby and tired. By focusing on the relationship instead of the big day itself, couples can get a good start emotionally and financially and spend more time together. Julie Baumgardner is the executive director of First Things First, an organization dedicated to strengthening marriages and families through education, collaboration and mobilization. She can be reached at julieb@firstthings.org back to top Thought of the Week Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enough . . . so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than anybody's. Paul Harvey back to top Special Feature Talking to Your Kids About Sex By Wayne Parker http://fatherhood.about.com Age Appropriate Discussions Ages 0-3. You may feel that under 3 is too young to communicate about sex, and from a clinical standpoint, you are right. But attitudes about sex are formed early and have their foundation in relationships. The focuses at early ages should be on knowing the names of body parts, on healthy touch and on privacy and respect. Naming Body Parts. Children under age three are exploring their world and their bodies and will be inquisitive. When you start helping them know about ears and fingers, its OK to start helping them know about penises and vulvae. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It is just part of learning about their world. Healthy Touch. The foundations of sexual attitudes are formed early. You can help your preschool child start to identify how good touch feels as opposed to bad touch. Hugging and cuddling is good and healthy and will help children feel confident in their own bodies. But avoiding unhealthy touch (touching their own or others genitals) should be taught as well. Watch for opportunities to teach proper attitudes toward touch. Help them know that they should talk with you if anyone touches a part of their body that is covered by a swimming suit. Teaching Privacy and Respect. One of the most important things parents can do with preschoolers is to teach privacy and respect for others' privacy. Teach them about dressing modestly when they are three and it will not be much of an issue at 14. Help them know that certain parts of our bodies need to stay covered. Ages 4-8. At this stage, children's curiosity about bodies in general and sex in particular is growing. They begin to be aware of anatomical differences-even a trip to the grocery store or the water slide may evoke a discussion. And this is generally the stage where parents are asked about some of the mechanics of making babies. Cultural Influences. The awareness of children to their surroundings begins early and they will start noticing the cultural issues around sex. If Mom or a friend's mom, is expecting a baby, there will be an opportunity to talk about how babies get in there and how they come out. They will also start becoming aware of body differences between men and women. This is a good time to give accurate information and to reinforce the messages you hope they get about sex and intimacy. The Mechanics of Sex. When you get the inevitable questions about sex ("How did the baby get in there?"), it's time to start talking about the details of reproduction. It can start pretty simply. For example, you can talk about a special seed that is inside daddies that combines with a little egg that is inside mommies. When these two things combine, a baby starts growing. Then, as questions continue ("How does the seed get from the daddy into the mommy?") then you can get more clinical. You may want to find some good books at your library or local bookstore that will help you teach these principles. Ages 9-12. By the time your children reach nine or ten, they should know the mechanics of sex and reproduction. They will likely be starting to hear about sex from their friends and may start experiencing sexual desire or arousal. Girls usually start first finding the opposite very interesting-boys typically take a little longer. This is a good time to start focusing on responsibility and helping children understand values and consequences. Talking About Responsible Sex. As your children start feeling hormones or cultural pressures about sex, it is a good time to talk about responsibility. Help them learn that sex is natural and healthy, but that it is meant as a part of a mature, committed relationship. Teach them about the need to wait for sexual activity until it is in that context. Help them know that sexual feelings are normal, but need to be managed according to their values. Just like we don't always strike out physically when we are angry, we don't act out when we feel sexually aroused. Our actions need to always be governed by our values. Also, help them understand the risks and consequences of a pregnancy if the mom and dad are not ready to be parents. Be There To Answer Questions. Ages 9-12 is also a time when children are open to asking questions of their parents and listening to answers. This openness is fleeting once a child enters the teen years, and so dads should take the opportunity to respond to questions when they are asked. Full article at: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/agesandstages/a/talkingaboutsex back to top News & Info GOOD to GREAT - the challenge STOP PRESS Good to Great Information night & BBQ with Jim Wallace former Brigadier of SAS, speaking 6:00 pm - 8: 00 pm 18th August 2006 at Lighthouse Auditorium 1 Railway Square, Wollongong rsvp by Wed 16th 02 4272-6677. The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS. Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks 'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world's greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him. A DVD and enrolment form is available. Please email info@fathersonline.org with your name, address and phone number to request an enrolment form and DVD. Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity. _________________________________________________________ Brad Pit says Fatherhood is a true joy! http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/07/18/people.pitt.ap/ _________________________________________________________ A man who understood failure by Bettina Arndt From: Herald-Sun July 21, 2006 LAST Monday, the usual gathering of dog-walkers were wandering the cliff-side park near Sydney's Clovelly beach. But the peaceful early morning scene was disturbed by the arrival of policemen who explained they were looking for a man with a baby. As they peered over the cliff face to the rocks far below, they were joined by the police helicopter, hovering along the rugged coast line. Read the article below: http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,19855485-5006029,00.html Editors note: I personally met with John Perrin three times. I knew he was supportive of fatherhood but not that supportive. Obviously Bettina Arnt knew him a lot better.In my last conversation with him I asked if he had seen the "I am sam" dvd I had given him. He told me he didn't have a dvd player. He was genuinely thankfull. We salute John Perrin and the many others who have worked on behalf of Australin fathers over the years. Warwick Marsh Fatherhood Foundation back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God To be a Dad requires a great deal of wisdom especially when it comes to teaching about sex and self control. Help me to practise what I preach because what I say will then mean something to my children. Actions speak louder than words. Help my actions and words harmonize together. Only then will my children really listen to me. Only then will they be able to hear my voice. What I say must first be confirmed by what I do. back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_1335_01C6AE39.0C1F8900 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 204 - 24thJuly 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

As we drove along the busy street into town my 13 year old daughter asked me, "Where are we going for lunch?"  I answered, "Somewhere special because you're special!"

 

I'd like to think she was impressed, but I couldn't help feeling that she just rolled her eyes with the nonchalant 'whatever' expression that young teenage girls are so 'clever' with, especially when it comes to anything to do with Dad.  Yes, my daughter too is thirteen going on nineteen.  That most challenging of times that every parent braces themselves for, and yet is never really ready for.

 

I have taken my daughter out on dates before and she was always mildly impressed, except for that time when Dad started swinging around poles in George St, Sydney on the way to the movies.  Dads are funny creatures at the best of times.  This time I had to use pure subterfuge to win this date with my daughter. She was not going to be embarrassed by her dad again, so I had to be a little more cunning in order to get her to go out with me.

 

My daughter had asked her mother for a purity ring, also known as a chastity ring.  The idea behind it is to wear this ring to show that you intend to keep yourself for your future husband/wife until marriage.  Whatever 'the ring' may be called, it struck me as a very good idea, even better that it was not our idea but hers.  Just to know that my daughter was thinking along these lines made me, as a father, intensely proud.  The ploy was that we were going to pick up 'the ring' after we had lunch together, my way of making a bit of a big deal about the whole thing.  However I had already picked up the ring and had it in my pocket.  All women love jeweller y and my daughter is no exception.

 

As we turned into our local plush hotel, she said, "We can't go here its too expensive."  I thought to myself, "You're right!" (As always money is too tight to mention) But with a brave voice I said, "Nothing is too expensive for a special daughter like you." As I asked the waiter for a table for two, I felt my daughter's unimpressiveness wearing down slightly. 

 

The next challenge I faced was conversation.  Even though my daughter and I live in the same house, we both tend to live in a 'world of our own'.  Come to think of it, maybe that is a hereditary trait.  Gee, that's a worry! 

 

Trying to sound interested I asked, "What is your favourite pastime?"  "Sleep," was the one word reply.  I had long suspected that, but I was still surprised by the answer.

 

"What about hanging out with your friends?" I asked.

 

"Depends on what friends," was the simple reply.

 

Horse riding and a whole host of other activities were pipped at the post by 'sleep'. 

 

When it came to school, art and music were equal first, closely followed by English and history, because of the teacher.  Maths was not high on the list, because of the teacher. Singing and song-writing were activities that at times came ahead of sleep and this was comforting for me as a father, or should I say musician.  Mind you, all through this deep and meaningful conversation my daughter was saying to me, "Can we go now and pick up the ring?" 

 

When I pulled the jewellery box out of my pocket and placed the ring on her finger, she was delighted.  I asked her what this ring meant, and she told me it was all about keeping herself for the man she was going to marry.  When I asked, "Why?" she answered, "I don't know!"  That's when I told her that if a man was able to love her by keeping the sex act for marriage then he really did love her.  Love is best measured by commitment.  True love waits.  When I asked my daughter if she had thought about marriage, she told me she had picked her three best friends to be her bridesmaids and the colour of their dresses. As I said before, she is thirteen going on nineteen. This shows that it is never too early to start talking about these important issues.  I am glad that I have made a start with my wife's encouragement.

 

If our children can't learn from us, they will learn from someone else and that person might not share our values and have our children's best interests at heart.  Don't miss an opportunity!

 

Lovework

 

Talk to your children about marriage, true love and sex.  Use your moments wisely.  After all, who better can they learn from?

 

Yours for True Love

Warwick Marsh

 

PS  We are offering 'Good to Great' for Single Dads as a specific stream of our Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course, commencing on 7th September 2006.  To register your interest please check out the enclosed 'News & Info' section or email: info@fathersonline.org  

 ________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      

GRANDPARENT'S WEEK

By Dianne Sollee from Smart Marriages

http://www.smartmarriages.com

 

Those of you that have been on the list, know about "gramma week" which I've been doing all ten years of Smart Marriages - started the first year with just one grandchild.  For past six years, all five of my grandkids come each summer to spend 10 days with me. Their parents go off for a child-free "marriage vacation". I highly recommend it to all able-bodied grandparents as the best marriage-strengthening gift you can give your adult kids. My sons and daughters in-law look forward to it all year long. I also think of it as preventive grandparenting - to help make sure I don't ever end up either losing contact with my grandkids or raising them full time after a divorce. (50% of all divorced adults return to live with their parents after divorce - bringing their kids with them.) But much more, I just do it for the sheer pleasure, it's a total change of pace and makes me fe el so young. I also love giving my grandchildren the idea that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence.  And that marriage is fun and romantic.  They get all giggly over the idea. "Wonder what mamma and daddy are doing right now?" I ask them. "Probably dancing. Probably holding hands while they kayak around the glaciers. Probably kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower. Tee hee." It's also absolutely the best way to get to know your grandkids - just you and them with no parents in between.  Mine are now almost all grown up, 6 - 11.  Very different than when they were 1 to 7, but we can now go farther and do bigger adventures.

 

If you don't have parents that can do this, I encourage you to set up a swap with siblings or friends.  It takes planning - so start now. If you can't manage a week, take a long weekend.  It's a message to each other - and a strong message to your kids.  We must practice what we preach.

 

http://www.smartmarriages.com

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Laughter


THE BIG BOYS 

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Shane Wakelin)

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like  Norman Einstein." (Mick Malthouse)

 "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Peter  Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies)

 "You guys line up alphabetically by height," and "you guys pair up in  groups of three, then line up in a circle." (Barry Hall Sydney  Captain at training)

Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids  during his visit to Egypt: "I can't really remember the names of the  clubs that we went to."

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of  what time it is." (Kevin Sheedy on James Hird)

Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games "It's basically the same, just darker." 

Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton "I told him, 'Son, what is it  with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'

Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first."

"Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago."(Dermott Brereton)

"Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." (Mark Williams)

 "He scored that goal after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (Dermott Brereton)

 "We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored." (Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles)

 "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."(Luke Darcy)

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." (Dermott Brereton)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious." (Adrian Anderson)

 "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Andrew Demetriou)

 "I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL, but there are none better." (Dermott Brereton)

 "I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Terry Wallace)

 Garry Lyon: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography? David Swartz: "On what?" 

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Dermott Brereton)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (Dermott Brereton)

  

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Single Dads

 

Well it was time to take my boy back today after spending the first half of the school holidays together. We were fortunate this time as I was able to save some money for an upcoming trip but ended up blowing it on the little fella over the holidays. One of my dads in distress had his three little girls for the first half of the holidays as well and called in on his way up to Surfers Paradise. They were going to do all the theme parks and we were invited to join them for a couple of days. I thought it would be great for my young bloke as he would have someone to go on the rides with as I always seem to have all the symptoms they display on their warning notices for those that should not ride. Anyhow, I ended up flaunting a few and joined my young bloke and the girls on some of the rides. I ha ve to say they scared the pants off me, but it was worth seeing and hearing my young bloke and the girls having the time of their lives. I was indebted to my mate for letting me share part of his time with his kids. I hadn't witnessed my young bloke laugh and smile so much in a long time.

              

The girls had a ball as well and were very, very brave. There seemed to be no ride that scared them, all but the littlest. They started to call me pop until they saw my disgruntled look ( I don't feel that old, although I am already a pop) and after I ventured on a couple of rides it was uncle and smiles all around. We shared lollies, ice cream, donuts, maccas, all the stuff we as adults are not suppose to eat anymore, but what the heck. It was good to be there. I had taken my family there many years ago, way before my young fella could remember. I remembered though. Once there were five of us now there are two.

              

One of the rides was a roller coaster in darkness. When I got off and the kids went back for 2nd's, 3rd's, 4th's, I sat there thinking that the ride pretty well summed up the roller coaster that I and many of the dads in distress I know have been riding over the past 6 years. Sharp twists and turns, up one minute down the next, going forward one minute, backwards the next, never knowing where the next turn will take you or what surprise is around the corner, all in utter darkness, not knowing what's coming next and then eventually emerging back out into the light. I was pleased to be out in the light.

              

No more time for thought. I was quickly snapped back into reality. "What's next, Dad, Pop, Uncle........The Wild West ride, let's go," and we did.......Two single dads, four kids, in a sea of families and we did good.......

            

Now it's back to the empty time but maybe not so empty as before. I can still hear their laughs......... I hope you are emerging into the light.

                                                      

Tony Miller dids

dids@nor.com.au  

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All you need is Love

 

MESSAGE ON MARRIAGE TO YOUNG WOMEN

Chattanooga Times Free Press

By Julie Baumgardner

July 2, 2006

 

When Barbara Dafoe Whitehead was growing up, her father gave her four rules for selecting a husband. He should be a man of good character and conscience and a man who will make a good father and be a good provider. He must not be an asthmatic. Her father was a doctor and an asthmatic.

 

Ms. Whitehead did find a man who exuded most of these qualities and has been married to him for 39 years. The one area in which she rebelled: she married a man who is asthmatic.

 

"Things are different now for girls," Ms. Whitehead said. "Both of my girls are single and in their 30s. One of them shared with me that someone in college told her that to think about marriage shows a lack of ambition. In the popular culture -- reality TV, celebrity gossip, etc. -- young women today hear messages of heartbreak and failure, heartbreak

and cheating, heartbreak and lying. There is NOT a lot out there about being successful in marriage."

 

According to Ms. Whitehead, only 20 percent of young adults came from broken homes in the late '70s compared to 40 percent in the late '90s. Many women have first hand experience with divorce. These young people gather a tremendous amount of misinformation along the way that if acted upon will significantly lower their chances of success in marriage.

 

"I believe there are five pervasive messages of failure that young women are receiving today," Ms. Whitehead said.

 

* Teenage sex has nothing to do with having a healthy marriage. Two thirds of today's teens believe it is OK to have sex if you love the person. The truth is the consequences of teen sex can last a lifetime while the relationship doesn't.

 

* It is OK to have kids first because you can find a guy later. The highest percentage of unwed births today is to women in their 20s. Although they hope they can find a guy later on, evidence shows that their chances of successful marriage decline as do their chances of ever marrying.

 

* People should live together before marriage. The evidence suggests that it does not increase your chances of having a successful marriage and there is strong evidence that it increases your changes for divorce.

 

* There is nothing you can do to prepare for a healthy, successful marriage. There are many who believe having a lot of bad relationships is the only way to have a good one and heartbreak is unavoidable.

 

* There is nothing you can do to change your chances of divorce. The mantra for today's young people is "50 percent of all marriages end in divorce," Ms. Whitehead said. They believe that a successful marriage is a roll of the dice. That is not true. There is a lot they can do.

 

"The truth is, young women in their teens and 20s should have tremendous hope for a successful marriage in the future," Ms. Whitehead said. "If you want to have a healthy marriage, here are some things to consider:

 

Caring adults can utilize the excellent resource "Making a Love Connection" to assist teens in making healthy decisions. At the heart of the message of hope is a message about sequence or timing. Young women can significantly improve their chances of having a healthy marriage by finishing high school, waiting until they are out of their teens to

marry and waiting to have a child until they are married. If they do these things, their chances of living in poverty or divorcing decrease dramatically, and their chances of having a healthy marriage go way up.

 

Teen girls looking for a committed relationship shouldn't settle for any old guy. Don't live with someone before marriage. Most women want a committed relationship. When they marry, they typically do so in front of many people. There is no mistake about what they are doing. Moving in with someone is private. There is nobody there except maybe the moving guys. One young lady said, "I really didn't care about wedding vows, but when I lived with my boyfriend we didn't vow to do anything.''

 

Young women should complete their education in their 20s and marry before the age of 30. In general, research shows that if people marry in their 20s, their marriages are distinctly happier than if they marry later in life.

 

Girls should date with the intentions of marrying. It's important for them to consider what they are looking for in a mate and don't date guys who aren't marriage minded. They should put themselves in places where they are likely to meet the kind of guys they are interested in marrying.

 

Young adults shouldn't wait until they are engaged to get marriage education. They need to study relationships as much as possible. People who know better do better. It's important to value marriage education and share the knowledge with others.

 

Lastly, they should consider a small wedding, if marriage is in their plans. Many people delay getting married until they can pay for a huge bash or a destination wedding that stresses them out and makes them crabby and tired. By focusing on the relationship instead of the big day itself, couples can get a good start emotionally and financially and spend more time together.

 

Julie Baumgardner is the executive director of First Things First, an organization dedicated to strengthening marriages and families through education, collaboration and mobilization. She can be reached at julieb@firstthings.org

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Thought of the Week

 

 

Fathers are what give daughters away

to other men who aren't nearly
good enough . . .

so they can have grandchildren

that are smarter than anybody's.

 

Paul Harvey

 

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Special Feature



 

 

Talking to Your Kids About Sex

By Wayne Parker

 http://fatherhood.about.com

 

Age Appropriate Discussions

 

Ages 0-3. You may feel that under 3 is too young to communicate about sex, and from a clinical standpoint, you are right. But attitudes about sex are formed early and have their foundation in relationships. The focuses at early ages should be on knowing the names of body parts, on healthy touch and on privacy and respect.

 

Naming Body Parts. Children under age three are exploring their world and their bodies and will be inquisitive. When you start helping them know about ears and fingers, its OK to start helping them know about penises and vulvae. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It is just part of learning about their world.

 

Healthy Touch. The foundations of sexual attitudes are formed early. You can help your preschool child start to identify how good touch feels as opposed to bad touch. Hugging and cuddling is good and healthy and will help children feel confident in their own bodies. But avoiding unhealthy touch (touching their own or others genitals) should be taught as well. Watch for opportunities to teach proper attitudes toward touch. Help them know that they should talk with you if anyone touches a part of their body that is covered by a swimming suit.

 

Teaching Privacy and Respect. One of the most important things parents can do with preschoolers is to teach privacy and respect for others' privacy. Teach them about dressing modestly when they are three and it will not be much of an issue at 14. Help them know that certain parts of our bodies need to stay covered.

 

Ages 4-8. At this stage, children's curiosity about bodies in general and sex in particular is growing. They begin to be aware of anatomical differences-even a trip to the grocery store or the water slide may evoke a discussion. And this is generally the stage where parents are asked about some of the mechanics of making babies.

 

Cultural Influences. The awareness of children to their surroundings begins early and they will start noticing the cultural issues around sex. If Mom or a friend's mom, is expecting a baby, there will be an opportunity to talk about how babies get in there and how they come out. They will also start becoming aware of body differences between men and women. This is a good time to give accurate information and to reinforce the messages you hope they get about sex and intimacy.

 

The Mechanics of Sex. When you get the inevitable questions about sex ("How did the baby get in there?"), it's time to start talking about the details of reproduction. It can start pretty simply. For example, you can talk about a special seed that is inside daddies that combines with a little egg that is inside mommies. When these two things combine, a baby starts growing. Then, as questions continue ("How does the seed get from the daddy into the mommy?") then you can get more clinical. You may want to find some good books at your library or local bookstore that will help you teach these principles.

 

Ages 9-12. By the time your children reach nine or ten, they should know the mechanics of sex and reproduction. They will likely be starting to hear about sex from their friends and may start experiencing sexual desire or arousal. Girls usually start first finding the opposite very interesting-boys typically take a little longer. This is a good time to start focusing on responsibility and helping children understand values and consequences.

 

Talking About Responsible Sex. As your children start feeling hormones or cultural pressures about sex, it is a good time to talk about responsibility. Help them learn that sex is natural and healthy, but that it is meant as a part of a mature, committed relationship. Teach them about the need to wait for sexual activity until it is in that context. Help them know that sexual feelings are normal, but need to be managed according to their values. Just like we don't always strike out physically when we are angry, we don't act out when we feel sexually aroused. Our actions need to always be governed by our values. Also, help them understand the risks and consequences of a pregnancy if the mom and dad are not ready to be parents.

 

Be There To Answer Questions. Ages 9-12 is also a time when children are open to asking questions of their parents and listening to answers. This openness is fleeting once a child enters the teen years, and so dads should take the opportunity to respond to questions when they are asked.

 

Full article at:

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/agesandstages/a/talkingaboutsex

 

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News & Info

 

 

 

 


GOOD  to  GREAT  -  the  challenge

STOP PRESS

Good to Great Information night & BBQ with Jim Wallace former Brigadier of SAS, speaking 6:00 pm - 8: 00 pm 18th August 2006 at Lighthouse Auditorium 1 Railway Square, Wollongong

rsvp by Wed 16th 02 4272-6677.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace, former commander of Australia's SAS.

 

Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus

Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks

 

'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the best of the best, the world's greatest fathers. An attitude of excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity, courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure the success of himself and those around him.

 

A DVD and enrolment form is available.

Please email info@fathersonline.org  with your name, address and phone number to request an enrolment form and DVD.

 

Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and you will be notified at the earliest opportunity.

 

_________________________________________________________

 

Brad Pit says Fatherhood is a true joy!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/07/18/people.pitt.ap/

 

_________________________________________________________

A man who understood failure

by Bettina Arndt

From: Herald-Sun
July 21, 2006

LAST Monday, the usual gathering of dog-walkers were wandering the cliff-side park near Sydney's Clovelly beach.

But the peaceful early morning scene was disturbed by the arrival of policemen who explained they were looking for a man with a baby.

As they peered over the cliff face to the rocks far below, they were joined by the police helicopter, hovering along the rugged coast line.

Read the article below:
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,19855485-5006029,00.html

 

 

Editors note:

I personally met with John Perrin three times. I knew he was supportive of fatherhood but not that supportive. Obviously Bettina Arnt knew him a lot better.In my last conversation with him I asked if he had seen the "I am sam" dvd I had given him. He told me he didn't have a dvd player. He was genuinely thankfull. We salute John Perrin and the many others who have worked on behalf of Australin fathers over the years.

Warwick Marsh

Fatherhood Foundation

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

Dear God

 

To be a Dad requires a great deal of wisdom

especially when it comes to teaching

about sex and self control.

 

Help me to practise what I preach

because what I say

will then mean something

to my children.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

Help my actions and words harmonize together.

Only then will my children really listen to me.

Only then will they be able to hear my voice.

What I say must first be confirmed by what I do.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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