X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 55E7CDEB58 for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:06:58 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 13158-02 for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:06:46 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 203.16.214.203 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=203.16.214.203; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net; Received: from smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net (smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net [203.16.214.203]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id D002CDEB56 for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:06:45 +1000 (EST) Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by smtp3.adl2.internode.on.net (8.13.6/8.13.5) with ESMTP id k7JN6fES067886 for ; Sun, 20 Aug 2006 08:36:42 +0930 (CST) (envelope-from info@fathersonline.org) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:05:55 +1000 Thread-Topic: The Furnace of Marraige Reply-To: Message-ID: <672201c6c3e4$06951070$0101a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcbD5AaSSwdkhQkPRE+ygDap78u4eg== From: To: Subject: The Furnace of Marraige Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:05:55 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_6723_01C6C437.D8412070" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2757 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 19 Aug 2006 23:05:55.0718 (UTC) FILETIME=[06975A60:01C6C3E4] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au X-NAS-BWL: Found match for 'info@fathersonline.org' on the allowed list (1850 addresses, 0 domains) X-NAS-Classification: 0 X-NAS-MessageID: 819 X-NAS-Validation: {FF825B7A-B161-40BD-90F8-3582DAE91A1E} This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_6723_01C6C437.D8412070 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 Unable to read this email? Please click here =20 =20 Issue 208 - 21 st August, 2006 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads=20 * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick =20 =20 Recently I spoke at the Australian Family Association National Conference in Sydney. One of the benefits of speaking at such a conference is that you get to hear outstanding speakers that you normally would never get a chance to see in action. One such speaker at the AFA conference was Frank Devine. Frank has been past editor of The Australian, New York Post and Chicago Sun Times. No mean achievement! Besides all this Frank is a grandfather par excellence who still has a great sense of humour. The first part of his speech was reprinted in last weeks fathersonline in the Grandad's section and the second part can be found there today. Let me quote to you from last week's: =20 I speak to you this evening from the apex of the family pyramid. I am a grandfather. This means I saw both 'Superman' and 'Pirates of the Caribbean' during the school holidays. =20 =20 It also means I didn't need to make up my own jokes to start this speech. The world is awash with grandparent jokes. They run the usual joke gamut. =20 =20 I'll start with a couple of the cynical ones. =20 * My grandmother is over 80 and doesn't need glasses. She still drinks straight from the bottle. * An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that and you start to age quickly. * Then there's this bit of modified cynicism from Ogden Nash: Never have children, only grandchildren. =20 An American comedian, Henny Youngman, adapted this by injecting some warmth: If I'd known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. =20 Frank Devine continues to talk about the little old lady footage - you know, the one where the little old lady smashes this guy's car bonnet with her handbag because he honked his horn at her while she was crossing the road, causing his air bag to explode in his lap. Frank points out that grandparents are tough because they need to be. They have become 'sufficiently tempered in the heat to cope with the sinew-wrenching task of raising children to adulthood. =20 More than that, we have probably shown sufficient signs of enjoying this central struggle on the battlefield of marriage, for our children to want to have a go at doing the same.' =20 But the phrase that Frank used that has kept ringing in my head ever since hearing him speak was: 'risked ourselves in the blazing furnace of marriage'. Frank's speech was brilliantly crafted but this phrase stood out so strongly. The facts are, nobody tells you that marriage is a furnace or that families can be much the same. Hollywood and popular culture have brainwashed us into thinking it will be happy-ever-after when really it can be quite the reverse. =20 People who work inside furnaces need to be trained. People also need training in human relationship skills before they get married. The same goes for raising children. Family life is challenging to say the least - and that of course is why you are reading fathersonline. =20 Lovework =20 Is your furnace burning you up? If so, stop for a moment and get some inspiration from somewhere and then step back into the heat. The trick is to keep hot without being consumed by the fire. This will temper you just like steel that becomes better for the fire and can do twice the work of untempered steel. =20 Yours for the furnace of marriage Warwick Marsh =20 PS We had a great BBQ for the Good to Great launch last Thursday. Jim Wallace spoke and so did many past graduates. The course is quickly filling up. For those in attendance range please get your application forms in quickly to avoid disappointment. Regards WM=20 ________________________________________=20 Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is=20 the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in=20 age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician,=20 songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he=20 can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 Speech at Australian Family Association Dinner (Pt2) 5th August 2006 By Frank Devine =20 =20 Nowadays people enter marriage with the thought, even if it is deep, deep in the back of their minds, that there may be a way out. =20 =20 We enter grandparenthood with the expectation that it will be for life. There is really only one way out, and we don't want to rush it. =20 The permanence, if relative brevity, of the institution of grandparenthood, gives us a special perspective on the institution of marriage. =20 =20 To us, the idea of marriage break-up, and the ruined lives of our grandchildren that goes with it, is entirely repellent. If the Beatles had been grandparents when they wrote their song, the lyrics might have been: =20 Will you still heed me? Will you still need me? When I'm ninety-four? =20 Had the Beatles stayed together long enough, they would probably be considering the rewrite about now. =20 =20 I think this is the time-span people should be thinking in when they consider the radical and appalling prospect of getting married. Marriage is our most efficient genetic futures exchange. Its rules keep transactions open and transparent, and it maintains the most reliable records. =20 Part of family strength comes from everybody having a fair idea of where everybody else comes from. Four of our grandchildren have four living grandparents each. That's relatively rare and our kids revel in it. They've got one set of grandparents who take them to the movies and teach them to barbecue. The other set of grandparents lives in the country, introduces them to animal friends and, when their feet can reach the pedals from a sitting position, teach them to drive the Ute around the paddocks. =20 From a grandparent point of view, this is free market competition at its toughest. However, the competitors get on well together and, as always, competition is great for the consumers. =20 The country grandmother contributes a bonus almost beyond imagining. She is one of a family of 17. One of the incomparable advantages of being the product of marriages that have held together for two generations or more is the platoon of aunts and uncles you have, and the regiment of cousins. All of them YOUR people, who have obligations to you, and you to them. You don't even have to meet all your cousins. You might not like some of them. But it's a great reassurance to know they are there and, in well-ordered families, are traceable if you care to make the effort. =20 =20 What's a more cheerful way of making connection with a stranger than being able to say: "Oh, your grandfather must be the older brother of my great Aunt Kim"? =20 Can you picture the connections my four grandchildren have a chance of making when just one quarter of their grandparent supply has 16 siblings? "Your great Aunt Maud must be related to . . . EVERYBODY!!!" =20 Preparing for this speech I skimmed through some issues of your magazine, 'The Australian Family' online http://www.family.org.au I was impressed by the vigorous and informative way the journal addresses threats and challenges to the family. =20 In the July issue, for example, I was especially pleased to read again Stanley Kurtz's devastating article about the decay that awaits us if proponents of same sex marriage get their way. It strikes me, though, that families - and family associations - negotiate with the world from a position of immense strength. I think we should take care not to fall habitually into defensive positions. A more natural and logical stance is celebratory. We should celebrate loudly and often the splendour and power of families. =20 =20 =20 One of the dopiest of the cynical grandparent jokes I came upon during my recent search was this: It's not grandchildren who make you feel old, it's the idea of being married to a grandmother. Now there's a guy who deserves an emergency air bag in his lap. I can think of no greater joy than being married to a grandmother. =20 =20 =20 Frank Devine is a well known columnist. He has been married to Jacqueline for many years, has three daughters and four grandchildren. =20 ______________________________________________________ =20 =20 The fathersonline is always in need of articles from Grandfathers. The next generation needs to hear from you. How about you put pen to paper and write about your experiences. Please send articles and photos to: info@fathersonline.org or Fatherhood Foundation PO Box 440 Wollongong NSW 2520 =20 =20 back to top=20 =20 Laughter =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"=20 "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said,"So why is the groom wearing black?" ________________________________________________ =20 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" =20 Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." back to top=20 =20 Single Dads=20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 The Need for Shared Parenting by Mike McManus =20 John Murtari, 49, is sitting in a Syracuse jail for two weeks as I write, and has refused to eat or drink to protest "gross and repeated injustice" by the court system in a custody battle over access to his son, Domenic, 13.=20 =20 From the state's perspective, he is a deadbeat dad, who owes $60,000 in child support.=20 =20 However, the initial support level was not based on his income, but the $70,000 he once earned as a software engineer for a defense firm. When the company filed false reports, he says he blew the whistle and was fired the next day.=20 =20 Though president of his own software firm, his earnings are half of what he used to make. The first injustice is that his child support level was set far too high. Second, the court allowed his wife to move to Colorado, in spite of his protest. She's studying for a third college degree, which she could have pursued in New York State. Why should any court allow a divorced parent to move so far away that child visitation by the parent left behind is almost impossible?=20 =20 If Domenic visited him, John had to fly to Colorado, pick him up, bring him back, and then return with him to Colorado. Three round trip tickets cost $1,000 per visit. But the court would not allow him to deduct that from his child support payments. That's a third injustice.=20 =20 Fourth, he repeatedly filed for modifications of his child support level, and was denied. He was assigned a public defender who told him, "John, just pay the money. You'll see your son when he is 18." =20 John has been paying $50 a month, which is skimpy. However, he estimates he has spent $60,000 in support of his son, but none of it counts in the court's eyes. In the last seven years, he flew out four times a year for visits, and picked him up for vacations in New York twice a year.=20 "How many of those could I have traded away - and not lost our relationship?" he asks. =20 So he sits today in debtor's prison, to call attention to the plight of divorced parents denied regular access to their children. John told me before going to jail that he would not eat or drink and would force the prison to keep him alive with a feeding tube. For ten days the jail refused to do so. His weight dropped from 155 pounds to 127. His blood pressure fell to a dangerous level. =20 =20 Stories appeared in local newspapers, and a feeding tube was inserted. He asserts, "This is not suicide wish or hunger strike. My goal is not to hurt myself but to make them expend an uncomfortable amount of effort to keep me in custody."=20 =20 There has to be a better answer and there is. It is called "shared parenting," or "joint custody," which is granted in only 16 percent of cases. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, "A major advantage of joint custody may be its ability to address the high rate of current father absence subsequent to divorce. Joint custody has been correlated with increased father involvement."=20 =20 Second, "Joint custody versus sole maternal custody was associated with adolescent's positive adjustment. Several studies found that increased and reliable visitation by the noncustodial parent (usually the father) predicted positive adjustment of children." =20 =20 Feminists oppose joint custody on grounds that child support will be reduced. However, "the consensus of studies" found that "child support is either increased" or not significantly different. A fourth benefit is that there is "decreased re-litigation" with shared parenting, and less conflict between spouses in general.=20 =20 Thus, research proves what common sense would suggest. Shared parenting results in greater father involvement, more financial support, less litigation and happier children.=20 =20 David Levy, an attorney who is President of the Children's Rights Council, reports another great impact of joint custody. States with the greatest amount of joint custody enjoyed a big drop in divorce rates. The six states with the most joint custody are, in order, Montana, Kansas, Connecticut, Idaho, Rhode Island, and Alaska. The states with the highest decline in divorce in the 1990s were Alaska, Kansas, Connecticut, Illinois, Montana and Idaho.=20 =20 Why? =20 "If a parent knows that he or she will have to interact with the child's other parent while the child is growing up, there is less incentive to divorce," says Levy. =20 Here's a political issue for this political season. =20 Candidates for governor or state legislatures: why not fight for more joint custody to support kids and lower divorce rates? =20 Copyright =A9 2006 Michael J. McManus www.marriagesavers.org=20 back to top=20 =20 All you need is Love MARRIAGE FOUND TO HELP WITH DEPRESSION August 13, 2006=20 Megan Shannon - All Headline News Staff Writer =20 =20 (AHN) - An Ohio University study showed that getting married can help cheer up people with depression. =20 After studying more than 3,000 people a team of students and professors found that marriage enhances mental health but noticed an extreme change in those who were depressed before their first marriage. =20 PhD Sociology Student Adrianne Frech said the team actually expected to find opposite results. In fact, they thought one spouse's depression would cause problems in the marriage. =20 "Just mattering to someone can alleviate symptoms of depression," Frech said. =20 Assistant Professor of sociology Kristi Williams said "Depressed people may be just especially in need of the intimacy, the emotional closeness and the social support that marriage can provide. If you start out happy you don't have to go as far." back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 =20 =20 If we are fully engaged in grandparenthood, it probably means we have forsaken the comfort of being cool and risked ourselves in the blazing furnace of marriage. =20 Frank Devine back to top=20 =20 Special Feature MARRIAGE MAKES PEOPLE LIVE LONGER BBC.com=20 August 10, 2006=20 =20 The authors of the study in the Journal of Epidemiology and Health say loneliness is the killer rather than alcohol or cigarettes. =20 =20 "Having never been married may be associated with more severe isolation because it is associated with greater isolation from children and other family." =20 People who never marry are far more likely to die prematurely than those who get hitched or divorced, say US researchers. =20 Bachelors aged between 19 and 44 were more than twice as likely to die as their married male peers. =20 The authors of the study in the Journal of Epidemiology and Health say loneliness is the killer rather than alcohol or cigarettes. =20 Their work looked at data on 67,000 Americans between 1989 and 1997. =20 Die young =20 Single people were only slightly more likely to smoke than marrieds and were less likely to drink regularly. =20 They also exercised more and were less overweight. =20 Dr Robert Kaplan and colleague Richard Kronick, from the University of California, Los Angeles, believe that people who never marry are less likely to have a good social support network and become isolated, which, in turn, knocks years off their lives. =20 In 1989, almost one in two of the people they studied were married, and almost one in 10 were widowed. About 12% were divorced and 3% were separated. Of the remainder, 5% were cohabiting, and one in five had never been married. =20 Although older age and poor health were the strongest predictors of death by 1997, surviving marriage was also strongly associated with a longer life. =20 Those who had never married were at greater risk than those who were separated or divorced. =20 Indeed, the risks of being never married, in terms of odds, rival the risks of having increased blood pressure or high cholesterol. =20 Never marrieds were 58% more likely to have died than peers who were married and living with their spouse in 1989. =20 Those who had been widowed were almost 40% more likely to die, and those who had been divorced or separated were 27% more likely to die. =20 Loneliness =20 The risk among the never marrieds was larger for those in very good or excellent health, and smallest for those in poor health, and it was greater among bachelors than spinsters. =20 For the younger singletons, the primary causes of death were infectious disease and accidents, homicides and suicides. Among the middle aged and elderly unmarrieds, the main causes were cardiovascular and chronic diseases. =20 But the researchers believe it is SOCIAL ISOLATION that underpins the premature death risk. =20 The researchers said: "Accumulated evidence suggests that social isolation increases the risk of premature death. =20 "Having never been married may be associated with more severe isolation because it is associated with greater isolation from children and other family." =20 Alternatively, it might be that people who have underlying illnesses that threaten their health and shorten their life expectancy are deemed less suitable as marriage material. back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 Obesity Alert spreads to Newborn babies =20 http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20155633-36398,00.html =20 =20 Marriage Blokes Life Insurance http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20088376-36398,00.html =20 =20 Marriage better for depressed ONE way to get more out of marriage may just be to start out depressed, said a US study. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20135997-36398,00.html =20 _________________________________________________________ =20 From Babies to Blokes: the Making of Men A conference to be held in Fremantle=20 29 October to 1 November 2006 =20 Details are also available at: www.promaco.com.au/conference/2006/man =20 =20 Keynote speakers include: Bettina Arndt, Prof Konrad Jamrozik, Ian Lillico, Greg Mitchell, Dr Michael Nagel, Kieren Perkins OAM, Dr Shaun Ridley, Dr Arne Rubinstein and Dr Norman Swan, who will lead the discussions, followed other speakers and workshop leaders.=20 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Parents n' Kids Adventureland offers fun weekend activities for all types of families (single parents and grandparents included!) or just for parents who would like to spend more quality time together as a family. =20 Adventureland is ideal for single parents, parents who would like to make new friends, grandparents, care givers or parents who would like to get out on the weekends , spend some quality time together and try new things?.and the best part of all? so very affordable for everyone!! =20 We are based in Brisbane with branches in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide and Perth. =20 Our website is: www.geocities.com/adventureland4kids/kidsactivities=20 Email: adventureland4kids@yahoo.com.au=20 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 X3 Watch - accountable community on the Internet =20 X3watch is a free accountability software program helping with online integrity. Whenever you browse the Internet and access a site that may contain questionable material, the program will save the site name on your computer in a hidden folder. A person of your choice (your accountability partner) will receive an email containing all possible questionable sites you may have visited within the month. This information is meant to encourage open and honest conversation between friends and help us all be more accountable. To download the programme or to get some more information go to www.x3watch.com and follow the prompts =20 If you are not accountable then what are you? Regards Brian Pember =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Letters =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation=20 =20 Love the material and really appreciate all you are doing in this area. Just a point about the "Granny Rage" video. If a man goes to the skoopy.com site they are confronted with some links to highly explicit porn sites. I would give that site a miss in future! =20 =20 Again, I am a supporter, but good to be careful! I am in the electorate of Anthony Byrne and he tells me your material has been of great help to him. =20 Regards, =20 Pastor Rob Ward =20 Editor's Note: We apologise for any subscribers who went to the site for 'Granny Rage' and were confronted with pornographic links. That is why we had a direct file for download and not a link to the web site. =20 back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer =20 =20 =20 Dear God =20 Maybe Johnny Cash was right=20 when he sang, 'Ring of Fire'. =20 Love is a burning thing And it makes a fiery ring Bound by wild desire I fell in to a ring of fire . . .=20 =20 I fell into a burning ring of fire I went down, down, down And the flames went higher. And it burns, burns, burns,=20 the ring of fire, the ring of fire.=20 =20 Sometime ago you spoke to Moses from the burning bush Moses was amazed when the bush was on fire but=20 it was not consumed. Is this the same thing as the 'blazing furnace of love'? =20 back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_6723_01C6C437.D8412070 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 208 - 21 st August, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

Recently I spoke at the Australian Family Association National Conference in Sydney.  One of the benefits of speaking at such a conference is that you get to hear outstanding speakers that you normally would never get a chance to see in action.  One such speaker at the AFA conference was Frank Devine.  Frank has been past editor of The Australian, New York Post and Chicago Sun Times. No mean achievement! Besides all this Frank is a grandfather par excellence who still has a great sense of humour.  The first part of his speech was reprinted in last weeks fathersonl! ine in the Grandad's section and the second part can be found there today.  Let me quote to you from last week's:

 

I speak to you this evening from the apex of the family pyramid.  I am a grandfather.  This means I saw both 'Superman' and 'Pirates of the Caribbean' during the school holidays. 

 

It also means I didn't need to make up my own jokes to start this speech.  The world is awash with grandparent jokes.  They run the usual joke gamut. 

 

I'll start with a couple of the cynical ones.

 

*      My grandmother is over 80 and doesn't need glasses.  She still drinks straight from the bottle.

*      An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.  Anything longer than that and you start to age quickly.

*      Then there's this bit of modified cynicism from Ogden Nash: Never have children, only grandchildren.

 

An American comedian, Henny Youngman, adapted this by injecting some warmth: If I'd known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first.

 

Frank Devine continues to talk about the little old lady footage - you know, the one where the little old lady smashes this guy's car bonnet with her handbag because he honked his horn at her while she was crossing the road, causing his air bag to explode in his lap.  Frank points out that grandparents are tough because they need to be.  They have become 'sufficiently tempered in the heat to cope with the sinew-wrenching task of raising children to adulthood.

 

More than that, we have probably shown sufficient signs of enjoying this central struggle on the battlefield of marriage, for our children to want to have a go at doing the same.'

 

But the phrase that Frank used that has kept ringing in my head ever since hearing him speak was: 'risked ourselves in the blazing furnace of marriage'. Frank's speech was brilliantly crafted but this phrase stood out so strongly.  The facts are, nobody tells you that marriage is a furnace or that families can be much the same.  Hollywood and popular culture have brainwashed us into thinking it will be happy-ever-after when really it can be quite the reverse.

 

People who work inside furnaces need to be trained.  People also need training in human relationship skills before they get married. The same goes for raising children.  Family life is challenging to say the least - and that of course is why you are reading fathersonline.

 

Lovework

 

Is your furnace burning you up?  If so, stop for a moment and get some inspiration from somewhere and then step back into the heat.  The trick is to keep hot without being consumed by the fire.  This will temper you just like steel that becomes better for the fire and can do twice the work of untempered steel.

 

Yours for the furnace of marriage

Warwick Marsh

 

PS We had a great BBQ for the Good to Great launch last Thursday.  Jim Wallace spoke and so did many past graduates.  The course is quickly filling up.  For those in attendance range please get your application forms in quickly to avoid disappointment. Regards WM 

 ________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

 

Speech at Australian Family Association Dinner (Pt2)

5th August 2006

By Frank Devine

 

Nowadays people enter marriage with the thought, even if it is deep, deep in the back of their minds, that there may be a way out. 

 

We enter grandparenthood with the expectation that it will be for life.  There is really only one way out, and we don't want to rush it.

 

The permanence, if relative brevity, of the institution of grandparenthood, gives us a special perspective on the institution of marriage. 

 

To us, the idea of marriage break-up, and the ruined lives of our grandchildren that goes with it, is entirely repellent.  If the Beatles had been grandparents when they wrote their song, the lyrics might have been:

 

Will you still heed me?

Will you still need me?

When I'm ninety-four?

 

Had the Beatles stayed together long enough, they would probably be considering the rewrite about now. 

 

I think this is the time-span people should be thinking in when they consider the radical and appalling prospect of getting married. Marriage is our most efficient genetic futures exchange.  Its rules keep transactions open and transparent, and it maintains the most reliable records.

 

Part of family strength comes from everybody having a fair idea of where everybody else comes from.  Four of our grandchildren have four living grandparents each.  That's relatively rare and our kids revel in it.  They've got one set of grandparents who take them to the movies and teach them to barbecue.  The other set of grandparents lives in the country, introduces them to animal friends and, when their feet can reach the pedals from a sitting position, teach them to drive the Ute around the paddocks.

 

From a grandparent point of view, this is free market competition at its toughest.  However, the competitors get on well together and, as always, competition is great for the consumers.

 

The country grandmother contributes a bonus almost beyond imagining.  She is one of a family of 17.  One of the incomparable advantages of being the product of marriages that have held together for two generations or more is the platoon of aunts and uncles you have, and the regiment of cousins.  All of them YOUR people, who have obligations to you, and you to them.  You don't even have to meet all your cousins.  You might not like some of them.  But it's a great reassurance to know they are there and, in well-ordered families, are traceable if you care to make the effort. 

 

What's a more cheerful way of making connection with a stranger than being able to say: "Oh, your grandfather must be the older brother of my great Aunt Kim"?

 

Can you picture the connections my four grandchildren have a chance of making when just one quarter of their grandparent supply has 16 siblings?  "Your great Aunt Maud must be related to . . . EVERYBODY!!!"

 

Preparing for this speech I skimmed through some issues of your magazine, 'The Australian Family' online http://www.family.org.au   I was impressed by the vigorous and informative way the journal addresses threats and challenges to the family.

 

In the July issue, for example, I was especially pleased to read again Stanley Kurtz's devastating article about the decay that awaits us if proponents of same sex marriage get their way.  It strikes me, though, that families - and family associations - negotiate with the world from a position of immense strength.  I think we should take care not to fall habitually into defensive positions.  A more natural and logical stance is celebratory.  We should celebrate loudly and often the splendour and power of families. 

 

One of the dopiest of the cynical grandparent jokes I came upon during my recent search was this: It's not grandchildren who make you feel old, it's the idea of being married to a grandmother. Now there's a guy who deserves an emergency air bag in his lap.  I can think of no greater joy than being married to a grandmother.

 

 

 

Frank Devine is a well known columnist.  He has been married to Jacqueline for many years, has three daughters and four grandchildren.

 

______________________________________________________

 

 

The fathersonline is always in need of articles from Grandfathers.  The next generation needs to hear from you.  How about you put pen to paper and write about your experiences.  Please send articles and photos to:

info@fathersonline.org

or

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

Wollongong  NSW  2520

 

 

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Laughter

 

 

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said,"So why is the groom wearing black?"

________________________________________________

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"  

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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Single Dads

 

 

 

 

The Need for Shared Parenting

by Mike McManus

 

John Murtari, 49, is sitting in a Syracuse jail for two weeks as I write, and has refused to eat or drink to protest  "gross and repeated injustice" by the court system in a custody battle over access to his son, Domenic, 13.

 

From the state's perspective, he is a deadbeat dad, who owes $60,000 in child support.

 

However, the initial support level was not based on his income, but the $70,000 he once earned as a software engineer for a defense firm.  When the company filed false reports, he says he blew the whistle and was fired the next day.

 

Though president of his own software firm, his earnings are half of what he used to make.  The first injustice is that his child support level was set far too high. Second, the court allowed his wife to move to Colorado, in spite of his protest.  She's studying for a third college degree, which she could have pursued in New York State. Why should any court allow a divorced parent to move so far away that child visitation by the parent left behind is almost impossible?

 

If Domenic visited him, John had to fly to Colorado, pick him up, bring him back, and then return with him to Colorado.  Three round trip tickets cost $1,000 per visit.  But the court would not allow him to deduct that from his child support payments. That's a third injustice.

 

Fourth, he repeatedly filed for modifications of his child support level, and was denied. He was assigned a public defender who told him, "John, just pay the money.  You'll see your son when he is 18."

 

John has been paying $50 a month, which is skimpy.  However, he estimates he has spent $60,000 in support of his son, but none of it counts in the court's eyes. In the last seven years, he flew out four times a year for visits, and picked him up for vacations in New York twice a year.

"How many of those could I have traded away - and not lost our relationship?" he asks.

 

So he sits today in debtor's prison, to call attention to the plight of divorced parents denied regular access to their children.  John told me before going to jail that he would not eat or drink and would force the prison to keep him alive with a feeding tube. For ten days the jail refused to do so. His weight dropped from 155 pounds to 127. His blood pressure fell to a dangerous level. 

 

Stories appeared in local newspapers, and a feeding tube was inserted. He asserts, "This is not suicide wish or hunger strike. My goal is not to hurt myself but to make them expend an uncomfortable amount of effort to keep me in custody."

 

There has to be a better answer and there is.  It is called "shared parenting," or "joint custody," which is granted in only 16 percent of cases. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, "A major advantage of joint custody may be its ability to address the high rate of current father absence subsequent to divorce. Joint custody has been correlated with increased father involvement."

 

Second, "Joint custody versus sole maternal custody was associated with adolescent's positive adjustment.  Several studies found that increased and reliable visitation by the noncustodial parent (usually the father) predicted positive adjustment of children."

 

Feminists oppose joint custody on grounds that child support will be reduced. However, "the consensus of studies" found that "child support is either increased" or not significantly different. A fourth benefit is that there is "decreased re-litigation" with shared parenting, and less conflict between spouses in general.

 

Thus, research proves what common sense would suggest.  Shared parenting results in greater father involvement, more financial support, less litigation and happier children.

 

David Levy, an attorney who is President of the Children's Rights Council, reports another great impact of joint custody. States with the greatest amount of joint custody enjoyed a big drop in divorce rates. The six states with the most joint custody are, in order, Montana, Kansas, Connecticut, Idaho, Rhode Island, and Alaska.  The states with the highest decline in  divorce in the 1990s were Alaska, Kansas, Connecticut, Illinois, Montana and Idaho.

 

Why?

 

"If a parent knows that he or she will have to interact with the child's other parent while the child is growing up, there is less incentive to divorce," says Levy.

 

Here's a political issue for this political season.

 

Candidates for governor or state legislatures: why not fight for more joint custody to support kids and lower divorce rates?

 

Copyright © 2006 Michael J. McManus

www.marriagesavers.org

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All you need is Love

MARRIAGE FOUND TO HELP WITH DEPRESSION

August 13, 2006

Megan Shannon - All Headline News Staff Writer

 

(AHN) - An Ohio University study showed that getting married can help cheer

up people with depression.

 

After studying more than 3,000 people a team of students and professors

found that marriage enhances mental health but noticed an extreme change in

those who were depressed before their first marriage.

 

PhD Sociology Student Adrianne Frech said the team actually expected to find

opposite results. In fact, they thought one spouse's depression would cause

problems in the marriage.

 

"Just mattering to someone can alleviate symptoms of depression," Frech

said.

 

Assistant Professor of sociology Kristi Williams said "Depressed people may be just especially in need of the intimacy, the emotional closeness and the social support that marriage can provide. If you start out happy you don't have to go as far."

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Thought of the Week

 

If we are fully engaged in grandparenthood,

it probably means we have forsaken the comfort of being cool

and risked ourselves in the blazing furnace of marriage.

 

Frank Devine

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Special Feature


MARRIAGE MAKES PEOPLE LIVE LONGER

BBC.com

August 10, 2006

 

The authors of the study in the Journal of Epidemiology and Health say loneliness is the killer rather than alcohol or cigarettes.

 

"Having never been married may be associated with more severe isolation because it is associated with greater isolation from children and other family."

  

People who never marry are far more likely to die prematurely than those who get hitched or divorced, say US researchers.

 

Bachelors aged between 19 and 44 were more than twice as likely to die as their married male peers.

 

The authors of the study in the Journal of Epidemiology and Health say loneliness is the killer rather than alcohol or cigarettes.

 

Their work looked at data on 67,000 Americans between 1989 and 1997.

 

Die young

 

Single people were only slightly more likely to smoke than marrieds and were less likely to drink regularly.

 

They also exercised more and were less overweight.

 

Dr Robert Kaplan and colleague Richard Kronick, from the University of California, Los Angeles, believe that people who never marry are less likely to have a good social support network and become isolated, which, in turn, knocks years off their lives.

 

In 1989, almost one in two of the people they studied were married, and almost one in 10 were widowed. About 12% were divorced and 3% were separated. Of the remainder, 5% were cohabiting, and one in five had never been married.

 

Although older age and poor health were the strongest predictors of death by 1997, surviving marriage was also strongly associated with a longer life.

 

Those who had never married were at greater risk than those who were separated or divorced.

 

Indeed, the risks of being never married, in terms of odds, rival the risks of having increased blood pressure or high cholesterol.

 

Never marrieds were 58% more likely to have died than peers who were married and living with their spouse in 1989.

 

Those who had been widowed were almost 40% more likely to die, and those who had been divorced or separated were 27% more likely to die.

 

Loneliness

 

The risk among the never marrieds was larger for those in very good or excellent health, and smallest for those in poor health, and it was greater among bachelors than spinsters.

 

For the younger singletons, the primary causes of death were infectious disease and accidents, homicides and suicides. Among the middle aged and elderly unmarrieds, the main causes were cardiovascular and chronic diseases.

 

But the researchers believe it is SOCIAL ISOLATION that underpins the premature death risk.

 

The researchers said: "Accumulated evidence suggests that social isolation increases the risk of premature death.

 

"Having never been married may be associated with more severe isolation because it is associated with greater isolation from children and other family."

 

Alternatively, it might be that people who have underlying illnesses that threaten their health and shorten their life expectancy are deemed less suitable as marriage material.

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obesity Alert spreads to Newborn babies

 

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20155633-36398,00.html

 

Marriage Blokes Life Insurance

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20088376-36398,00.html

 

Marriage better for depressed

ONE way to get more out of marriage may just be to start out depressed, said a US study.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20135997-36398,00.html

_________________________________________________________

 

From Babies to Blokes: the Making of Men

A conference to be held in Fremantle

29 October to 1 November 2006

 

Details are also available at: www.promaco.com.au/conference/2006/man

 

Keynote speakers include: Bettina Arndt, Prof Konrad Jamrozik, Ian Lillico, Greg Mitchell, Dr Michael Nagel, Kieren Perkins OAM, Dr Shaun Ridley, Dr Arne Rubinstein and Dr Norman Swan, who will lead the discussions, followed other speakers and workshop leaders.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Parents n' Kids Adventureland offers fun weekend activities for all types of families (single parents and grandparents included!) or just for parents who would like to spend more quality time together as a family.

 

Adventureland is ideal for single parents, parents who would like to make new friends, grandparents, care givers or parents who would like to get out on the weekends , spend some quality time together and try new things?.and the best part of all? so very affordable for everyone!!

 

We are based in Brisbane with branches in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide and Perth.

 

Our website is:

www.geocities.com/adventureland4kids/kidsactivities

Email: adventureland4kids@yahoo.com.au

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

X3 Watch - accountable community on the Internet

 

X3watch is a free accountability software program helping with online integrity. Whenever you browse the Internet and access a site that may contain questionable material, the program will save the site name on your computer in a hidden folder. A person of your choice (your accountability partner) will receive an email containing all possible questionable sites you may have visited within the month. This information is meant to encourage open and honest conversation between friends and help us all be more accountable.

To download the programme or to get some more information go to www.x3watch.com and follow the prompts

 

If you are not accountable then what are you?

Regards

Brian Pember

  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Love the material and really appreciate all you are doing in this area.  Just a point about the "Granny Rage" video.  If a man goes to the skoopy.com site they are confronted with some links to highly explicit porn sites.  I would give that site a miss in future! 

 

Again, I am a supporter, but good to be careful!  I am in the electorate of Anthony Byrne and he tells me your material has been of great help to him.

 

Regards,

 

Pastor Rob Ward

 

Editor's Note:  We apologise for any subscribers who went to the site for 'Granny Rage' and were confronted with pornographic links. That is why we had a direct file for download and not a link to the web site.

 

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Dad's Prayer

 

Dear God

 

Maybe Johnny Cash was right

when he sang, 'Ring of Fire'.

 

Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring

Bound by wild desire

I fell in to a ring of fire . . .

 

I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher.

And it burns, burns, burns,

the ring of fire, the ring of fire.

 

Sometime ago you spoke to Moses

from the burning bush

Moses was amazed when

the bush was on fire but

it was not consumed.

Is this the same thing as the 'blazing furnace of love'?

 

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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