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Please click here Issue 211 - 11 th September, 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick The Good to Great course was history in the making and amazing all at the same time last week. It was history making because Good to Great had its first special night for single dads, and amazing because of the reality check and inspiration that it brought to both the single and married dads present. Barry Williams, founder of Lone Fathers Association of Australia (LFAA) www.lonefathers.com.au shared his story with us. His wife left him with four young children. His youngest son was a three month old baby. Barry was refused the Single Parent Supporting Pension because he was a man; a father and not a mother. He protested discrimination but without any success. In 1975 Barry went on a five day hunger strike outside Federal Parliament. He camped outside Parliament House in a tent with one of his boys. Eventually Malcolm Fraser, the incoming Prime Minister, recognised that fathers were being discriminated against and awarded the same benefit to single fathers as single mothers. Barry won custody of his four children in a court battle because his wife suffered with alcoholism, but the Department of Child Welfare wanted to take his children from him because, "It wasn't natural for a father to care for his children." Barry stood his ground and won that battle. Because of his journey he founded the Lone Fathers Association of Australia. Amazingly despite Barry's troubles he was able to repair the relationship with his ex-wife and he insisted on helping the children stay in contact with her. She eventually kicked the alcohol addiction and although Barry has since repartnered they have enjoyed a positive shared parenting relationship for the sake of their children. How do I know that Barry is a good father? Quite simple really! Our children will eventually give us a score as a father. Barry's youngest son Michael, now in his early thirties, drove Barry to Wollongong and back to Canberra all on the same night in his new Hummer. Once Barry used to take Michael to work in his delivery truck as a young boy, but now Michael is repaying the favour for his Dad. Actions speak louder than words. Michael's score for his Dad is pretty high. Tony Miller, founder of Dads in Distress, www.dadsindistress.asn.au also shared his story in graphic detail. Tony has been through the heartbreak of divorce a number of times and he could have easily have lumped the blame for his many problems on the other party. He chose not to do that. As Tony often says about marital break up, "There's his story, her story, and then there's the truth." That's a brave statement, but Tony does his best to live by it, which is more than most say, let alone live. Tony has five children from three marriages but he is the first to admit his many mistakes. He candidly talks about his ongoing work to achieve reconciliation with his children. Tony's level of self disclosure is amazing and in doing so he prods us all to be real about whom we are as fathers because our children will often follow in our footsteps. Fathers are leaders whether they want the job or not. Many times in the midst of the ups and downs Tony contemplated suicide and he pointed out that when fathers suicide, their children often follow suit, or take up self destructive behaviours to compensate. As leaders, the key thing is to lead in the right direction. Perhaps a comment by one of our Good to Great course participants, Peter Ferguson, summed up the night. "Barry and Tony are two humble and magnificent men who are committed to the cause of helping single fathers stay connected to their children. They have the moral courage to admit their own mistakes publicly, and they are not afraid to admit they are still working on becoming a better dad." After all, aren't we all? Lovework Maybe it's time to do a SWOT analysis of your fatherhood and family relationship skills. SWOT stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. Sounds scary but I'm going to give it a go anyway. How about you? Yours for more reality Warwick Marsh Don't forget that Brian Molitor is coming to Australia very soon. He will be in Australia from 18th October to 29th October in Wollongong, Perth, Kalgoorlie, Sunshine Coast QLD, Hobart and Melbourne. Brian is a man not to be missed. See the News & Info section to find out how you can connect with Brian Molitor from Malachi Global at a 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' seminar near you. We particularly encourage those who can attend one of his all day seminars in either Perth, Saturday 21st October, or Melbourne, 28th October. ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend. Unknown back to top Laughter back to top Single Dads Editor's Note: I received a call from SBS, asking me to go on their programme 'Insight'. I suggested that they also contact James Adams from Fathers for Equality. They dropped me, and James got the gig but he was ultimately ignored on the programme because of its bias against fathers. Tony Miller and Barry Williams both told me that they would never go on SBS because of its bias against men. Looks like they are right! Discrimination and Fatherhood By James Adams Tuesday night's SBS "Insight" program was on birth-rates. I was one of their panel. Now I'm angry! Everything I said, and everything several other "experts" said on the SBS insight program was censored by the radical feminists. I tried to say the obvious... look between your legs... it takes two people to produce children. Yet our 'fertility debate' is controlled by those who hate men. Write to SBS Write to SBS and say how it takes two parents to produce children. Write to SBS and say how divorce turns fatherhood into slavery Write to SBS and tell them your story . (Editors note: We suggest also writing to the Australin Communications and Media Authority ,Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230 if the station does not respond. insight@sbs.com.au Keep it Simple Keep it short Do it NOW Sweden and other Scandinavian countries invented Volvo, ABBA, Nokia, Ikea and gender equity. Fairness. All good things come from Scandinavia :) They are the only western countries to have managed to turn-around the collapse in families and birth-rates. SBS had a satellite link to an academic in Sweden, who repeated, very clearly and very strongly, he said that the way that Sweden has managed to turn-around the collapse in birth-rates is to give support for FATHERS and FATHERHOOD. Several times he cut off Ms Brokie and corrected her... Support fatherhood and you increase families. Provide work-life balance for dads too, and you produce more kids. Provide use-it-or-lose-it Paternity leave and men become husbands. Paternity leave encourage dads to do the best for their children. Everything he said about fathers was cut out by the anti-father production team.. This is a war... these radical feminists hate men more than they love children. Did you know that an Australian girl who goes to University only has 50% chance of having a family? Nearly all of these women desperately want to have a family. Do you have a daughter? (Why? Sexism in education means that for every 5 female graduates, there are only 4 male graduates [and one of them is gay, and another marries his secretary]... who are these professional women going to marry? The milkman?) Because men in Australia are treated so badly, they simply avoid having children. Australian men know that marriage frequently ends in them losing everything they love and have worked for... losing their kids. It is the opposite in Eastern Europe, where women are treated badly, and that is why Russian birth-rates are so low - women avoid having children. But where there is gender equity, where men and women have equal responsibility and equal choice, birth-rates are booming. Did you know that for every extra person in the Western World there are an extra 25 people in the rest of the world? Did you know that there are more Muslims being born in France than French? (eg: Average "French" birth-rates are 1.3 per woman, French Muslim women 5.0. Today's ratio of Muslims to French in France 20% (0.2) Did you ever wonder where the War on terror came from? Did you wonder why the threat from the Muslim world suddenly appeared? Numbers are power.. and the numbers of westerners are disappearing quickly. Think about this in terms of fairness and social justice. The western world has about 50% of the World's farming land, and about 30% of the World's mineral resources... Yet today, we have only 20% of the World's population. Is it any wonder that wars and starvation are endemic in Africa? But for every extra westerner, there are 25 more people in the less developed World. Perhaps this will be difficult to understand, but the fact is that when a culture no longer nurture their families and their children, this culture dies out. The Western World is dying. All the ideals of fairness and egalitarianism and social mobility... even democracy... are dying with us. When my daughter grows up... she will be a tiny minority group in this world... as a person who believes in democracy, social mobility, fairness. As a white, Christian... she will be a part of a minority group of about 1% of the World's population... When your children grow up, people of European ancestry will be about only 1% of the World... Please understand, that I believe in FAIRNESS. I believe that the best measure of fairness is where men and women are able to rely on each other, to trust each other. Trust each other enough to have children and to do what is best for their children. Australian is a matriarchy . . . whatever women want, they get . . . work-life balance, custody, tax-free C$A cash . . . Eastern Europe is a patriarchy . . . whatever men want they get . . . They grab a woman, marry, have a kid, then walk out, paying nothing. Both fail. Both have pathetically low birth-rates and shrinking populations. What the radical feminists call "patriarchy"... 1950's America... where dad slaved away in the factory and mum slaved away in the kitchen... was balanced... it was fair... men and women both worked and suffered equally. And the children got the best that their parents could provide. The children were loved by both their parents. James Adams jadams@iinet.net.au back to top All you need is Love REMARRIED WITH CHILDREN The Forum (Fargo, North Dakota) By Mila Koumpilova September 12, 2006 Sue and Charlie Petry became a Realtor's dream 10 years ago. Both were looking to sell their newly purchased homes. Together, they were looking to a buy a house with enough bedrooms for their four children from previous marriages. Going into what would be a third marriage for both, they were determined to get it right. They took a step parenting class. They filled out worksheets outlining their views on money, discipline and career, and compared notes. "We were very scientific and clinical during our courtship," Sue says. "And all that notwithstanding, we were still unprepared." Experts say the Petrys' methodical approach to remarriage is rare among couples on the verge of blending their families. Lulled by seductive visions of Brady Bunch harmony, many underestimate the hard work involved in making remarriage with children work. In recent years, marriage experts and counsellors have spoken out more urgently against the denial stepparents-to-be cling to. The National Association of Social Workers hosts a conference on stepfamilies here this week, including a workshop Thursday titled 'The Stepfamily Journey: Not for Wimps,' by author Elizabeth Einstein. "We think blended is the wrong term," Petry says. "It's shaken or frapped. It's not very smooth." The step parent trap Einstein conducts a Cirque du Soleil-style stunt during her workshop that helps sum up the multiple pressures that can strain a remarriage. She pulls out a couple from the audience and blindfolds them to convey denial. She weighs them down with bulky suitcases bearing menacing labels such as 'fear of intimacy,' 'perfectionism' or 'authoritative parenting' the baggage the partners bring to the new relationship. She ties to them other audience volunteers to represent children and former spouses. "Now I want you to get close and intimate with each other," she says. Comic bumbling ensues. But the humour doesn't readily translate to real life. The divorce rate for remarriages is 60 percent, compared to 50 percent for first marriages. The majority fall apart within two or three years of the wedding, leaving an estimated half-million children to cope with yet another split-up. Yet, despite the prevalence of divorce, many couples still underestimate the challenges of starting a family not from scratch. Couples often rush into the second marriage hopeful and unprepared, often ignoring potential pitfalls for fear they might scare them off remarriage, says Fargo marriage counsellor and conference organizer Tina Johnson. "That denial is a protective device, a way to face the fear that 'I'll remain lonely for the rest of my life,'" she said. A remarriage with children can be a taut tangle of intense feelings and conflicting loyalties, one that can begin to unravel in any number of ways, experts say. Parents can be giddy with the new beginning while their children see that beginning as a loss of a room all their own, of their parent's undivided attention, of the hope their biological parents will get back together, says Shelley Guida, a Village Family Services counsellor who'll lead a blended family workshop for Moorhead Community Ed in November. For adults, on the other hand, unresolved hurt and grief from previous marriages can bubble up and sabotage the relationship. Ready, set, wed The Petrys expected to bond with their stepchildren effortlessly, but that turned out to be a slow, often tension-filled process. The friction became especially obvious on family vacations, when life-or-death battles would erupt over trivial issues such as which fast food restaurant to have lunch at. "What it was really about was place in the family and control rather than the food we were going to eat," says Petry. At home, the children chafed at even the gentlest criticism from the stepparent. Discipline is often the most contentious issue in remarriages, experts say, and it's important that the stepparent builds a trusting relationship with the child before sharing discipline duties with the spouse. It's as important that spouses are on the same page. Johnson got a troubling preview of many upcoming clashes over discipline on her wedding night. As she and her second husband pulled out of the driveway for a short honeymoon trip, her 5-year-old daughter bawled in the yard. "You've spoiled her rotten," her husband said. As they found out soon afterward, she was on the permissive side, and he believed in strict parenting. Johnson tells her story to stress the importance of preparation for the success of a remarriage. "We have the idea that if we don't talk about things, they won't be a big problem," she says. "It's easier to sweep things under the rug." She makes couples compile lists of their hopes and fears for the relationship, then talk about them. Eventually, says Guida, bring the kids into the process. Get them to talk about how their lives might be harder ("I'll never see my biological mom again") and fuller ("My step dad will take me snowmobiling"). Above all, be patient. "It takes a good two years for a stepfamily to start functioning as a healthy family, and anywhere between two and seven years for the kids to become comfortable with the relationship," Guida says. Petry is glad her family stuck it out through the rough patches. In March, her stepdaughter, Anna, left for Iraq with the National Guard. At a beauty parlour in Pensacola, Fla., Anna, her step mom, her mom, Glenda Petry, her stepsister, Nicole, and her grandma Phyliss treated themselves to pedicures as part of her send-off. The pedicurist was confused about the relationships among the women, but they had a swell time. "Step parenting isn't for the faint of heart," Petry says, "but the rewards are many." back to top Thought of the Week Every Dad is the family role model, whether he wants the job or not. Dennis Rainey back to top Special Feature Installing Love With thanks to John Mason, United Kingdom. Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you? Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process? Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first? Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart? Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running? Tech Support: What programs are running? Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now. Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased. Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal? Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do? Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others. Customer: So, what should I do? Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations. Customer: Okay, done. Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will over write any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal? Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up - Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you. Customer: Thank you, God. back to top News & Info Dear Friends We write to tell you about the Turning Hearts 2006 Speaking Tour with Brian Molitor. Brian is the author of the groundbreaking book, 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' (c) 2004, Emerald Books, USA. This book is available from Koorong Books www.koorong.com.au and has had a wonderful impact around the world. Brian is also the founder of Malachi Global Foundation www.malachiglobal.org based in USA. He is also a management consultant and an executive coach who has taught leadership and management principles all over the world. Brian has been married to Kathy for 23 years and has four children. Brian Molitor will be conducting 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' Seminars', which focus on lifelong mentoring, transitions to manhood, father's blessing, words of affirmation and rites of passage. He will be conducting these seminars in Wollongong, Perth, Kalgoorlie, Sunshine Coast QLD, Hobart, Melbourne and Berwick from 18th October to 29th October. The evening seminars will run for 2 hours at a cost of $25. Full day seminars will be $30. We encourage you to attend one of these 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' seminars which are geared for fathers and young men. Brian Molitor is a world class speaker with a message of renewal for men and families for the 21st century. We encourage you to take advantage of his presence in Australia and book in early at a location near you to avoid disappointment. Yours for Australian families Warwick Marsh Fatherhood Foundation PO Box 440 Wollongong NSW 2520 02 4272 6677 info@fathersonline.org www.fathersonline.org Boy's Passage Man's Journey Seminars will be held in the following locations: Wednesday 18th October, 7 - 9 pm Wollongong Cedars Christian College Library Building Waples Rd Unanderra NSW 2526 Bookings are essential Ph: 02 4272 6677 AH: 0418 225 212 Saturday 21st October, 9 am - 3 pm Thornlie Church of Christ 319 Spencer Rd Thornleigh WA Bookings are essential 08 9459 8522 AH: 0413 081 228 Monday 23rd October, 7-9 pm Kalgoorlie Church of Christ 169 Egan St Kalgoorlie WA Bookings are essential 08 9021 2296 AH: 0427 356 619 Wednesday 25th October, 7-9 pm Goodlife Community Church 100 Buderim Pines Dr Buderim QLD Bookings are essential 07 5478 1766 AH: 0412 121 745 or 0410 585 277 Sponsored by: Goodlife Community Church Heart to Heart Ministries The Passage Program Thursday 26th October, 7 - 9 pm Grace Christian Church 45 Melville St Hobart TAS Bookings are essential 03 6231 2648 AH: 0418 123 338 Saturday 28th October, 9.30 am - 3.30 pm Lighthouse Christian College (Library Building) 927 Springvale Rd Springvale VIC Bookings are essential 03 8796 7373 AH: 0402 067 030 Sunday 29th October, 6 - 8 pm The Winepress Church 40 Intrepid St Berwick VIC 03 9796 1006 ____________________________________________________ Breathing Under Water Understanding 12 Step Spirituality Monday 13th November 2006 7.30pm to 9:30pm You are invited to register for an evening with FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.) BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE 390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q. For further information contact: MTM Australia (07) 3876 8710 Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in future generations. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Real Men - Great Dads with Warwick Marsh from the Fatherhood Foundation Men's Retreat 27-28 October at Edmund Rice Retreat and Conference Centre Winbourne, 1315 Mulgoa Rd, Mulgoa For more information phone 4732 3139 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * FRESH START - Hear Sam Low speak at the October Meeting. Are you a PARENT or a CHILD of a broken marriage? Come along and listen to Sam Low, a gifted speaker and Youth Pastor at St Paul's, Castle Hill. He experienced his parent's marriage breakdown in his early high school years and will share his insights. 28th October, 2006 7.30pm start St Paul's Anglican Church, 421 Old Northern Road, Castle Hill A panel of young people will also answer your questions. Suitable for separated / divorced parents, and pre teen to young adult children of divorced parents. Contact: Michael or Julie on (02) 96296680 or 0404048613 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Highly Recommended!! Weekend to Remember 27-29 October 2006 Rydges Oasis Resort Wollongong Register at www.ozfamily.org.au Day to Treasure 21 October 06 - Ph: 02 4271 8124 4 November 05 - Ph: 02 4256 2103 Visit www.ozfamily.org.au to find more venues and dates for a Day to Treasure ************************* Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation Replying to you always gives me the opportunity to thank you for the newsletter. Again I am annoyed by biased anti Child Support Agency comments. Fundamentally there is only one reason for the existence of the CSA. As a father it hurts me say it, but that reason is that fathers on mass simply don't love their children sufficiently to provide for them financially. Fathers place ego, hatred of x's etc well in front of their own children. However the rubbish written by James Adams of Fathers for Equality does nothing for the genuine cause. His repeated use of the word Evil is clear evidence of distorted thought process. I can see no other interpretation of his message other than this. If the mother of a child finds a new partner then that partner should take up the financial up keep of the child. If the father takes a new partner then he should be excused of his financial responsibilities. I really feel for non custodial fathers, they deserve a better mouthpiece than the biased, bitter ones they have at present. I am happy to share my experience if it gives my views credibility. I don't want to hear that I don't understand the system. When my relationship broke down, I went 6 months at a time without seeing my children. I had to contest a restraining order, an order initiated by solicitors purely as a ploy to gain legal aid. There I was in Tuesday's courtroom where all the wife beating charges the AVO's are heard, because of a legal technicality. I still remember the face and the name of the Magistrate that day, who had a bit of a laugh with the solicitors before withdrawing the restraining order. There were times when the salary deductions by the CSA plus my rent amounted to more than my wages. I restructured my employment in order to beat (sorry cheat) the system, I felt I had to. I continued the same level of child support when raising a large family with a new wife. With approval from my current wife we continued support after the youngest child passed the statutory age, until she finished her studies. I have supported without question 2 children form my wife's previous relationship, without any contribution whatsoever from their father. There have been times when I couldn't pay all these things, at these times my family have assisted. To stop support for the children was never on the agenda. So who has been the beneficiary of my struggle to support my, 7, in total, children? It is no doubt me. I am absolutely blessed to have such a wonderful family. My email address is freely available to anyone who would like to discuss or argue any of the above. Peter Ferguson pferguson@dominionequity.com.au Editors Note: Fathersonline is a forum for men to discuss and share what they think.We don't always agree with what is written. We figure the truth lies somewhere between James and Peter's comments. What do you think? Why don't you write and tell us. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation Congratulations to Barry Williams for his excellent letter (FF Newsletter 1/10/06). Steve Irwin, God love him, was indeed an exemplary father, but this would not have been the case without the love and support of his good wife, Terri. Prime Minister Howard acknowledged Steve's love of his family as the thing that mattered most to Steve. It's a great pity that this same prime minister allows the children of so many ordinary men, no less loving than Steve, to be taken from them by his malevolent Family Law Act. A few years ago my elderly mother wrote to the P M using the term 'stolen generation' to describe these Family Law children but Mr Howard showed no interest. My own children are part of Howard's stolen generation that he and his ilk refuse to acknowledge. I have lost contact with both my daughters through a vilification campaign by their mother against me. I haven't had contact with one girl for 15 years and the other for 8 years. I am yet another statistic of PAS (Parent Alienation Syndrome) which Howard's feminist OSW advisors, including his chum and chief advisor, Ms Pru Goward, claim doesn't exist. We are wantonly dismissed as 'angry white males' by Howard's mates, and are duly forgotten. Howard, Goward, Ruddock and company refuse to acknowledge the excruciating pain their Family Law Act inflicts upon decent, honest, good fathers like myself, let alone our children. Even my own 87 year old mother, who without par, is gentle, kind and caring, has been placed under the same ban as myself and suffers similar grief. Our plight badly needs acknowledging. Alienated dads and their stolen children need reconciliation and healing. To whom do we turn for help? I turned to a civilian social worker at the Salvation Army to assist me contact my elder daughter but I was abruptly told, "We don't do that sort of thing." When I asked what they did do I was told, "We can teach you strategies to help you deal with your grief." Thus we, and our children never make it to first base. Are there any organizations with programs that assist vilified fathers re-unite and reconcile with their stolen children? Can any of our aboriginal friends let me know if they are making any progress in this area? I am very concerned for my girls. Any information you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Regards Ian Windsor windsori@optusnet.com.au ***************************** Dear Fatherhood Foundation, Just a quick email. I don't know how you feel about promoting other organisations seminars, irregardless I think that this is a noteworthy mention. Over the long weekend my wife & I attended a marriage conference called "A Weekend to Remember" run by Oz Family Life - a non denominational organisation whose vision is to strengthen families by empowering them with solid Christian foundations. Even though my wife & I are both Christians, we were prior to the weekend, we were both ready to walk out on the marriage due to dealing with extremely hurtful issues from our past. Over the weekend we absorbed a lot of information on what a marriage should & shouldn't be & our love for each other was definitely renewed. Whilst the seminar is not a quick fix it has provided us with the necessary tools to remain committed to each other, our children & God!! Since families are the core reason for the existence of a strong society I implore all couples who are married or are intending to get married to attend this conference. Oneness with God & your spouse rather than isolation to is the key to changing the world for the better. God bless Matthew back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Help me be real about who I am! Help me evaluate my strengths and weaknesses, my opportunities and threats. Help me strengthen my weaknesses and turn my threats into opportunities. Help me embrace the Chinese definition of 'crisis' as a 'dangerous opportunity'. Help me diffuse the danger and grab the opportunity. back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_330C5_01C6EAAA.AF6157D0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 211 - 11 th September, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Good to Great course was history in the making and amazing all at the same time last week.  It was history making because Good to Great had its first special night for single dads, and amazing because of the reality check and inspiration that it brought to both the single and married dads present.

 

Barry Williams, founder of Lone Fathers Association of Australia (LFAA) www.lonefathers.com.au  shared his story with us.  His wife left him with four young children. His youngest son was a three month old baby.  Barry was refused the Single Parent Supporting Pension because he was a man; a father and not a mother.  He protested discrimination but without any success. In 1975 Barry went on a five day hunger strike outside Federal Parliament. He camped outside Parliament House in a tent with one of his boys.  Eventually Malcolm Fraser, the incoming Prime Minister, recognised that fathers were being discriminated against and awarded the same benefit to single fathers as single mothers.  Barry won custody of his four children in a court battle because his wife suffered with alcoholism, but the Department of Child Welfare wanted to take his children from him because, "It wasn't natural for a father to care for his children." Barry stood his ground and won that battle.  Because of his journey he founded the Lone Fathers Association of Australia.

 

Amazingly despite Barry's troubles he was able to repair the relationship with his ex-wife and he insisted on helping the children stay in contact with her. She eventually kicked the alcohol addiction and although Barry has since repartnered they have enjoyed a positive shared parenting relationship for the sake of their children.

 

How do I know that Barry is a good father?  Quite simple really! Our children will eventually give us a score as a father.  Barry's youngest son Michael, now in his early thirties, drove Barry to Wollongong and back to Canberra all on the same night in his new Hummer. Once Barry used to take Michael to work in his delivery truck as a young boy, but now Michael is repaying the favour for his Dad. Actions speak louder than words.  Michael's score for his Dad is pretty high.

 

Tony Miller, founder of Dads in Distress, www.dadsindistress.asn.au   also shared his story in graphic detail. Tony has been through the heartbreak of divorce a number of times and he could have easily have lumped the blame for his many problems on the other party. He chose not to do that.  As Tony often says about marital break up, "There's his story, her story, and then there's the truth." That's a brave statement, but Tony does his best to live by it, which is more than most say, let alone live.

 

Tony has five children from three marriages but he is the first to admit his many mistakes.  He candidly talks about his ongoing work to achieve reconciliation with his children.  Tony's level of self disclosure is amazing and in doing so he prods us all to be real about whom we are as fathers because our children will often follow in our footsteps. Fathers are leaders whether they want the job or not. Many times in the midst of the ups and downs Tony contemplated suicide and he pointed out that when fathers suicide, their children often follow suit, or take up self destructive behaviours to compensate. As leaders, the key thing is to lead in the right direction.

 

Perhaps a comment by one of our Good to Great course participants, Peter Ferguson, summed up the night.  "Barry and Tony are two humble and magnificent men who are committed to the cause of helping single fathers stay connected to their children. They have the moral courage to admit their own mistakes publicly, and they are not afraid to admit they are still working on becoming a better dad." After all, aren't we all?

 

Lovework

 

Maybe it's time to do a SWOT analysis of your fatherhood and family relationship skills. SWOT stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. Sounds scary but I'm going to give it a go anyway. How about you?

 

Yours for more reality

Warwick Marsh

 

Don't forget that Brian Molitor is coming to Australia very soon.  He will be in Australia from 18th October to 29th October in Wollongong, Perth, Kalgoorlie, Sunshine Coast QLD, Hobart and Melbourne.  Brian is a man not to be missed.  See the News & Info section to find out how you can connect with Brian Molitor  from Malachi Global at a 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' seminar near you.  We particularly encourage those who can attend one of his all day seminars in either Perth, Saturday 21st October, or Melbourne, 28th October.

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

There are many ways to measure success;

not the least of which is the way

your child describes you when talking to a friend.

 

Unknown

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Laughter

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Single Dads

 

Editor's Note: I received a call from SBS, asking me to go on their programme 'Insight'. I suggested that they also contact James Adams from Fathers for Equality.  They dropped me, and James got the gig but he was ultimately ignored on the programme because of its bias against fathers.  Tony Miller and Barry Williams both told me that they would never go on SBS because of its bias against men. Looks like they are right!

 

Discrimination and Fatherhood

By James Adams

 

Tuesday night's SBS "Insight" program was on birth-rates. I was one of their panel.

 

Now I'm angry! Everything I said, and everything several other "experts" said on the SBS insight program was censored by the radical feminists.

 

I tried to say the obvious... look between your legs... it takes two people to produce children. Yet our 'fertility debate' is controlled by those who hate men.

Write to SBS

Write to SBS and say how it takes two parents to produce children.

Write to SBS and say how divorce turns fatherhood into slavery

Write to SBS and tell them your story .
(Editors note: We suggest also writing to the Australin Communications and Media Authority ,Queen Victoria Building NSW 1230 if the station does not respond.

insight@sbs.com.au

 

Keep it Simple

Keep it short

Do it NOW

 

Sweden and other Scandinavian countries invented Volvo, ABBA, Nokia, Ikea and gender equity. Fairness. All good things come from Scandinavia :) They are the only western countries to have managed to turn-around the collapse in families and birth-rates.

 

SBS had a satellite link to an academic in Sweden, who repeated, very clearly and very strongly, he said that the way that Sweden has managed to turn-around the collapse in birth-rates is to give support for FATHERS and FATHERHOOD. Several times he cut off Ms Brokie and corrected her... Support fatherhood and you increase families. Provide work-life balance for dads too, and you produce more kids. Provide use-it-or-lose-it Paternity leave and men become husbands. Paternity leave encourage dads to do the best for their children.

 

Everything he said about fathers was cut out by the anti-father production team..

 

This is a war... these radical feminists hate men more than they love children.

 

Did you know that an Australian girl who goes to University only has 50% chance of having a family? Nearly all of these women desperately want to have a family. Do you have a daughter?

 

(Why? Sexism in education means that for every 5 female graduates, there are only 4 male graduates [and one of them is gay, and another marries his secretary]... who are these professional women going to marry? The milkman?)

 

Because men in Australia are treated so badly, they simply avoid having children. Australian men know that marriage frequently ends in them losing everything they love and have worked for... losing their kids.

 

It is the opposite in Eastern Europe, where women are treated badly, and that is why Russian birth-rates are so low - women avoid having children.

 

But where there is gender equity, where men and women have equal responsibility and equal choice, birth-rates are booming.

 

Did you know that for every extra person in the Western World there are an extra 25 people in the rest of the world?

 

Did you know that there are more Muslims being born in France than French? (eg: Average "French" birth-rates are 1.3 per woman, French Muslim women 5.0. Today's ratio of Muslims to French in France 20% (0.2)

 

Did you ever wonder where the War on terror came from? Did you wonder why the threat from the Muslim world suddenly appeared? Numbers are power.. and the numbers of westerners are disappearing quickly.

 

Think about this in terms of fairness and social justice. The western world has about 50% of the World's farming land, and about 30% of the World's mineral resources... Yet today, we have only 20% of the World's population. Is it any wonder that wars and starvation are endemic in Africa?

 

But for every extra westerner, there are 25 more people in the less developed World.

 

Perhaps this will be difficult to understand, but the fact is that when a culture no longer nurture their families and their children, this culture dies out. The Western World is dying. All the ideals of fairness and egalitarianism and social mobility... even democracy... are dying with us.

 

When my daughter grows up... she will be a tiny minority group in this world... as a person who believes in democracy, social mobility, fairness. As a white, Christian... she will be a part of a minority group of about 1% of the World's population... When your children grow up, people of European ancestry will be about only 1% of the World...

 

Please understand, that I believe in FAIRNESS. I believe that the best measure of fairness is where men and women are able to rely on each other, to trust each other. Trust each other enough to have children and to do what is best for their children.

 

Australian is a matriarchy . . .   whatever women want, they get . . . work-life balance, custody, tax-free C$A cash . . .

 

Eastern Europe is a patriarchy . . . whatever men want they get . . . They grab a woman, marry, have a kid, then walk out, paying nothing.

 

Both fail. Both have pathetically low birth-rates and shrinking populations.

 

What the radical feminists call "patriarchy"... 1950's America... where dad slaved away in the factory and mum slaved away in the kitchen... was balanced... it was fair... men and women both worked and suffered equally.

 

And the children got the best that their parents could provide. The children were loved by both their parents.

 

James Adams

jadams@iinet.net.au  

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All you need is Love

REMARRIED WITH CHILDREN

The Forum (Fargo, North Dakota)

By Mila Koumpilova

September 12, 2006

 

Sue and Charlie Petry became a Realtor's dream 10 years ago.

 

Both were looking to sell their newly purchased homes. Together, they were looking to a buy a house with enough bedrooms for their four children from previous marriages.

 

Going into what would be a third marriage for both, they were determined to get it right. They took a step parenting class. They filled out worksheets outlining their views on money, discipline and career, and compared notes. "We were very scientific and clinical during our courtship," Sue says. "And all that notwithstanding, we were still unprepared."

 

Experts say the Petrys' methodical approach to remarriage is rare among couples on the verge of blending their families. Lulled by seductive visions of Brady Bunch harmony, many underestimate the hard work involved in making remarriage with children work.

 

In recent years, marriage experts and counsellors have spoken out more urgently against the denial stepparents-to-be cling to. The National Association of Social Workers hosts a conference on stepfamilies here this week, including a workshop Thursday titled 'The Stepfamily Journey: Not for Wimps,' by author Elizabeth Einstein.

 

"We think blended is the wrong term," Petry says. "It's shaken or frapped. It's not very smooth."

 

The step parent trap

 

Einstein conducts a Cirque du Soleil-style stunt during her workshop that helps sum up the multiple pressures that can strain a remarriage.

 

She pulls out a couple from the audience and blindfolds them to convey denial. She weighs them down with bulky suitcases bearing menacing labels such as 'fear of intimacy,' 'perfectionism' or 'authoritative parenting'  the baggage the partners bring to the new relationship. She ties to them other audience volunteers to represent children and former spouses. "Now I want you to get close and intimate with each other," she says. Comic bumbling ensues.

 

But the humour doesn't readily translate to real life. The divorce rate for remarriages is 60 percent, compared to 50 percent for first marriages. The majority fall apart within two or three years of the wedding, leaving an estimated half-million children to cope with yet another split-up.

 

Yet, despite the prevalence of divorce, many couples still underestimate the challenges of starting a family not from scratch. Couples often rush into the second marriage hopeful and unprepared, often ignoring potential pitfalls for fear they might scare them off remarriage, says Fargo marriage counsellor and conference organizer Tina Johnson.

 

"That denial is a protective device, a way to face the fear that 'I'll remain lonely for the rest of my life,'" she said.

 

A remarriage with children can be a taut tangle of intense feelings and conflicting loyalties, one that can begin to unravel in any number of ways, experts say. Parents can be giddy with the new beginning while their children see that beginning as a loss of a room all their own, of their parent's undivided attention, of the hope their biological parents will get back together, says Shelley Guida, a Village Family Services counsellor who'll lead a blended family workshop for Moorhead Community Ed in November.

 

For adults, on the other hand, unresolved hurt and grief from previous marriages can bubble up and sabotage the relationship.

 

Ready, set, wed

 

The Petrys expected to bond with their stepchildren effortlessly, but that turned out to be a slow, often tension-filled process. The friction became especially obvious on family vacations, when life-or-death battles would erupt over trivial issues such as which fast food restaurant to have lunch at. "What it was really about was place in the family and control rather than the food we were going to eat," says Petry. At home, the children chafed at even the gentlest criticism from the stepparent.

 

Discipline is often the most contentious issue in remarriages, experts say, and it's important that the stepparent builds a trusting relationship with the child before sharing discipline duties with the spouse. It's as important that spouses are on the same page.

 

Johnson got a troubling preview of many upcoming clashes over discipline on her wedding night. As she and her second husband pulled out of the driveway for a short honeymoon trip, her 5-year-old daughter bawled in the yard. "You've spoiled her rotten," her husband said. As they found out soon afterward, she was on the permissive side, and he believed in strict parenting.

 

Johnson tells her story to stress the importance of preparation for the success of a remarriage. "We have the idea that if we don't talk about things, they won't be a big problem," she says. "It's easier to sweep things under the rug." She makes couples compile lists of their hopes and fears for the relationship, then talk about them.

 

Eventually, says Guida, bring the kids into the process. Get them to talk about how their lives might be harder ("I'll never see my biological mom again") and fuller ("My step dad will take me snowmobiling"). Above all, be patient. "It takes a good two years for a stepfamily to start functioning as a healthy family, and anywhere between two and seven years for the kids to become comfortable with the relationship," Guida says.

 

Petry is glad her family stuck it out through the rough patches. In March, her stepdaughter, Anna, left for Iraq with the National Guard. At a beauty parlour in Pensacola, Fla., Anna, her step mom, her mom, Glenda Petry, her stepsister, Nicole, and her grandma Phyliss treated themselves to pedicures as part of her send-off. The pedicurist was confused about the relationships among the women, but they had a swell time. "Step parenting isn't for the faint of heart," Petry says, "but the rewards are many."

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Thought of the Week

 

 

Every Dad is the family role model,

whether he wants the job or not.

 

Dennis Rainey

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Special Feature

Installing Love

With thanks to John Mason, United Kingdom.

 

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

 

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

 

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

 

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

 

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

 

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

 

Tech Support: What programs are running?

 

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

 

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

 

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

 

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

 

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

 

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

 

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

 

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

 

Customer: So, what should I do?

 

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

 

Customer: Okay, done.

 

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will over write any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

 

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

 

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything  gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up - Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

 

Customer: Thank you, God.

 

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News & Info

 

Dear Friends

 

We write to tell you about the Turning Hearts 2006 Speaking Tour with Brian Molitor. 

 

Brian is the author of the groundbreaking book, 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' (c) 2004, Emerald Books, USA. This book is available from Koorong Books www.koorong.com.au  and has had a wonderful impact around the world.  Brian is also the founder of Malachi Global Foundation www.malachiglobal.org  based in USA.  He is also a management consultant and an executive coach who has taught leadership and management principles all over the worl d.  Brian has been married to Kathy for 23 years and has four children.

 

Brian Molitor will be conducting 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' Seminars', which focus on lifelong mentoring, transitions to manhood, father's blessing, words of affirmation and rites of passage.

 

He will be conducting these seminars in Wollongong, Perth, Kalgoorlie, Sunshine Coast QLD, Hobart, Melbourne and Berwick from 18th October to 29th October.

 

The evening seminars will run for 2 hours at a cost of $25.

Full day seminars will be $30.

 

We encourage you to attend one of these 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' seminars which are geared for fathers and young men.

 

Brian Molitor is a world class speaker with a message of renewal for men and families for the 21st century.  We encourage you to take advantage of his presence in Australia and book in early at a location near you to avoid disappointment.

 

Yours for Australian families

Warwick Marsh

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

Wollongong  NSW 2520

02 4272 6677

info@fathersonline.org

www.fathersonline.org

 

Boy's Passage Man's Journey Seminars will be held in the following locations:

 

Wednesday 18th October, 7 - 9 pm

Wollongong

Cedars Christian College

Library Building

Waples Rd

Unanderra NSW 2526

Bookings are essential

Ph: 02 4272 6677

AH: 0418 225 212

 

Saturday 21st October, 9 am - 3 pm

Thornlie Church of Christ

319 Spencer Rd

Thornleigh WA

Bookings are essential

08 9459 8522

AH: 0413 081 228

 

Monday 23rd October, 7-9 pm

Kalgoorlie Church of Christ

169 Egan St

Kalgoorlie WA

Bookings are essential

08 9021 2296

AH: 0427 356 619

 

Wednesday 25th October, 7-9 pm

Goodlife Community Church

100 Buderim Pines Dr

Buderim QLD

Bookings are essential

07 5478 1766

AH: 0412 121 745

or 0410 585 277

Sponsored by:

Goodlife Community Church

Heart to Heart Ministries

The Passage Program

 

Thursday 26th October, 7 - 9 pm

Grace Christian Church

45 Melville St

Hobart TAS

Bookings are essential

03 6231 2648

AH: 0418 123 338

 

Saturday 28th October, 9.30 am - 3.30 pm

Lighthouse Christian College

(Library Building)

927 Springvale Rd

Springvale VIC

Bookings are essential

03 8796 7373

AH: 0402 067 030

 

Sunday 29th October, 6 - 8 pm

The Winepress Church

40 Intrepid St

Berwick VIC

03 9796 1006

____________________________________________________

 

Breathing Under Water

Understanding 12 Step Spirituality

Monday 13th November 2006

7.30pm to 9:30pm

You are invited to register for an evening with

FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.)

BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE

390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q.

For further information contact:

MTM Australia (07)  3876 8710

 

Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in future generations.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Real Men - Great Dads

with Warwick Marsh from the Fatherhood Foundation

Men's Retreat 27-28 October

at Edmund Rice Retreat and Conference Centre

Winbourne, 1315 Mulgoa Rd, Mulgoa

For more information phone 4732 3139

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

FRESH START - Hear Sam Low speak at the October Meeting.

Are you a PARENT or a CHILD of a broken marriage?

Come along and listen to Sam Low, a gifted speaker and Youth Pastor at St Paul's, Castle Hill.  He experienced his parent's marriage breakdown in his early high school years and will share his insights.

28th October, 2006

7.30pm start

St Paul's Anglican Church,

421 Old Northern Road,

Castle Hill

 

A panel of young people will also answer your questions. Suitable for separated / divorced parents, and pre teen to young adult children of divorced parents.

Contact: Michael or Julie on (02) 96296680 or 0404048613

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Highly Recommended!!

 

Weekend to Remember

27-29 October 2006

Rydges Oasis Resort

Wollongong

Register at www.ozfamily.org.au

 

Day to Treasure

21 October 06 - Ph: 02 4271 8124

4 November 05 - Ph: 02 4256 2103

Visit www.ozfamily.org.au  to find more venues and dates for a Day to Treasure

 

*************************

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Replying to you always gives me the opportunity to thank you for the newsletter.

 

Again I am annoyed by biased anti Child Support Agency comments.

 

Fundamentally there is only one reason for the existence of the CSA. As a father it hurts me say it, but that reason is that fathers on mass simply don't love their children sufficiently to provide for them financially. Fathers place ego, hatred of x's etc well in front of their own children.

 

However the rubbish written by James Adams of Fathers for Equality does nothing for the genuine cause. His repeated use of the word Evil is clear evidence of distorted thought process. I can see no other interpretation of his message other than this. If the mother of a child finds a new partner then that partner should take up the financial up keep of the child. If the father takes a new partner then he should be excused of his financial responsibilities.

 

I really feel for non custodial fathers, they deserve a better mouthpiece than the biased, bitter ones they have at present.

 

I am happy to share my experience if it gives my views credibility. I don't want to hear that I don't understand the system.

 

When my relationship broke down, I went 6 months at a time without seeing my children.

 

I had to contest a restraining order, an order initiated by solicitors purely as a ploy to gain legal aid. There I was in Tuesday's courtroom where all the wife beating charges the AVO's are heard, because of a legal technicality. I still remember the face and the name of the Magistrate that day, who had a bit of a laugh with the solicitors before withdrawing the restraining order. 

 

There were times when the salary deductions by the CSA plus my rent amounted to more than my wages.

 

I restructured my employment in order to beat (sorry cheat) the system, I felt I had to.

 

I continued the same level of child support when raising a large family with a new wife.

 

With approval from my current wife we continued support after the youngest child passed the statutory age, until she finished her studies. 

 

I have supported without question 2 children form my wife's previous relationship, without any contribution whatsoever from their father.

 

There have been times when I couldn't pay all these things, at these times my family have assisted. To stop support for the children was never on the agenda.

 

So who has been the beneficiary of my struggle to support my, 7, in total, children? It is no doubt me. I am absolutely blessed to have such a wonderful family.

 

My email address is freely available to anyone who would like to discuss or argue any of the above.

 

Peter Ferguson

pferguson@dominionequity.com.au

 

Editors Note: Fathersonline is a forum for men to discuss and share what they think.We don't always agree with what is written. We figure the truth lies somewhere between James and Peter's comments. What do you think? Why don't you write and tell us.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Congratulations to Barry Williams for his excellent letter (FF Newsletter 1/10/06). Steve Irwin, God love him, was indeed an exemplary father, but this would not have been the case without the love and support of his good wife, Terri. Prime Minister Howard acknowledged Steve's love of his family as the thing that mattered most to Steve.

 

It's a great pity that this same prime minister allows the children of so many ordinary men, no less loving than Steve, to be taken from them by his malevolent Family Law Act. A few years ago my elderly mother wrote to the P M using the term 'stolen generation' to describe these Family Law children but Mr Howard showed no interest.

 

My own children are part of Howard's stolen generation that he and his ilk refuse to acknowledge. I have lost contact with both my daughters through a vilification campaign by their mother against me. I haven't had contact with one girl for 15 years and the other for 8 years. I am yet another statistic of PAS (Parent Alienation Syndrome) which Howard's feminist OSW advisors, including his chum and chief advisor, Ms Pru Goward, claim doesn't exist. We are wantonly dismissed as 'angry white males' by Howard's mates, and are duly forgotten.

 

Howard, Goward, Ruddock and company refuse to acknowledge the excruciating pain their Family Law Act inflicts upon decent, honest, good fathers like myself, let alone our children. Even my own 87 year old mother, who without par, is gentle, kind and caring, has been placed under the same ban as myself and suffers similar grief.

 

Our plight badly needs acknowledging. Alienated dads and their stolen children need reconciliation and healing. To whom do we turn for help? I turned to a civilian social worker at the Salvation Army to assist me contact my elder daughter but I was abruptly told, "We don't do that sort of thing." When I asked what they did do I was told, "We can teach you strategies to help you deal with your grief." Thus we, and our children never make it to first base.

 

Are there any organizations with programs that assist vilified fathers re-unite and reconcile with their stolen children? Can any of our aboriginal friends let me know if they are making any progress in this area? I am very concerned for my girls. Any information you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

 

Regards

Ian Windsor

windsori@optusnet.com.au

  

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Dear Fatherhood Foundation,

 

Just a quick email. I don't know how you feel about promoting other organisations seminars, irregardless I think that this is a noteworthy mention. Over the long weekend my wife & I attended a marriage conference called "A Weekend to Remember" run by Oz Family Life - a non denominational organisation whose vision is to strengthen families by empowering them with solid Christian foundations. Even though my wife & I are both Christians, we were prior to the weekend, we were both ready to walk out on the marriage due to dealing with extremely hurtful issues from our past. Over the weekend we absorbed a lot of information on what a marriage should & shouldn't be & our love for each other was definitely renewed. Whilst the seminar is not a quick fix it has provided us with the necessary tools to remain committed to each other, our children & God!! Since families ar e the core reason for the existence of a strong society I implore all couples who are married or are intending to get married to attend this conference. Oneness with God & your spouse rather than isolation to is the key to changing the world for the better.

 

God bless

Matthew

 

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

Dear God

 

Help me be real about who I am!

Help me evaluate my strengths and weaknesses,

my opportunities and threats.

Help me strengthen my weaknesses

and turn my threats into opportunities.

Help me embrace the Chinese definition of 'crisis'

as a 'dangerous opportunity'.

Help me diffuse the danger

and grab the opportunity.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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