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Please click here Issue 221 - 13 th November, 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick Allan Meyer is definitely a man's man. He is over 6 ft tall and looks like he played football for Essendon. He loves his golf and sports in general, and can do a remarkably authentic version of Johnny B Goode. But this is not what sets Allan Meyer apart from other Aussie men. Allan Meyer is a frighteningly honest man with a profound grasp of spiritual truth who has asked some hard questions and dug down deep into his psyche to find the answers. Then he has developed courses though careforce lifekeys www.careforce.org in order to share his answers with others. The names of the many programs of Careforce Lifekeys almost speak for themselves: Door of Hope, Chemically Speaking, New Beginnings, Kids with Courage, Making Marriage Better, Man to Man, New Beginnings, Search for Intimacy, Search for Life, Woman to Woman, Youth Search for Life and Valiant Man. These Aussie 'Careforce Lifekeys' programs are now being conducted all over the world in USA, Europe, Russia, Africa and India. Over 1,200 churches in Australia alone operate Careforce programs of one kind or another. The really good news is that tens of thousands of people are being helped in a practical way through these wonderful courses which are meeting people at their point of need. In 2004 Dr Allan Meyer completed his doctorate. His thesis was the development of the ten week 'Valiant Man' course, first conducted in Melbourne in 2004. Valiant Man is a program designed to restore and fortify the sexual integrity and spiritual vitality of Australian men. This course has taken off and is being run in USA, New Zealand and many other countries around the world. Allan Meyer is the best speaker I have ever heard on men's sexuality. That is the reason we invited him to speak at Australia's inaugural Sexual Integrity Forum in Parliament House, Canberra, August 2005 with Dr Mary Anne Layden. This is also the reason we have included Dr Allan Meyer in the Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course as one of our featured speakers. The subject for the night was 'Managing Testosterone - the science of sex hormones, sexual integrity and the mystery of the sexual union'. Once when conducting a 'Seven Secrets of Success Seminar for Fathers' in Tasmania I asked a rhetorical question of the attendees. When I run these seminars I used the acrostic word SUCCESS and asked the group what the first S stood for. One joker yelled from the back of the group, "SEX" to a chorus of loud laughs. None of my three Ss in SUCCESS stand for sex so I smugly replied, "Wrong!" and kept on going. As I continued with the seminar I realised that my joker was right and I was wrong. Fatherhood begins with sex and sadly often ends with sex, due to some sort of sexual dysfunction such as porn addiction or sexual betrayal like adultery. When men fail to manage their testosterone, the ones who pay the price are usually the women and children. The recent sacking of a minister within the NSW State Government for his predatory behaviour on young men and boys being a classic case in point. Usually in those situations men lose their marriages, their jobs and often their children. In America last week a similar thing happened with a very well known and respected minister Ps Ted Haggard. In his letter of explanation to his congregation Ps Haggard said in part, "Because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them. The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it all my adult life." Ted Haggard is a brave man and it is never too late to get things out in the open and seek healing. I just pray he is able to keep his marriage and his children because these are a man's greatest assets this side of eternity and to lose them is unimaginable. Lovework Do a stock-take on your testosterone management system. Is your management system working or are you gripped in a spiral of damaging addiction? If you need help, seek help. In doing so you will thrust a sword through the demon of pride and start on the journey to becoming a valiant man. Isn't that what every woman and every child needs? Yours for valiant men Warwick Marsh PS The guys loved Allan Meyer so much that they voted unanimously to run his program in Wollongong next year. If you would like to do this course please register your interest and contact details in an email to info@fathersonline.org For more information on the Valiant Man program contact www.careforce.org for details on a course near you. ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads Authentic men aren't afraid to show affection, release their feelings, hug their children, cry when they're sad, admit it when they're wrong, and ask for help when they need it. Charles Swindoll back to top Laughter Making some fun conversation with my 4 yr old son, I asked him, "Son, do you think that Saddamm Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?" "Yes" he replied rather confidently. I was taken by surprise and to keep the conversation going, I mused "Well, where do you think they are?" "They're in my toy box" he said matter-of-factly. A young boy is studying mathematics and come across a problem he can't figure out, so he asks his mother, "Mom, what's seven time 4?" "Seven times 4 is 36. Now don't bother mother while she's balancing her cheque book." back to top Single Dads A Brief Word of Thanks Day 23 - 05 November 2006 SHE MOVED HER LEG AND LIFTED HER HAND OFF THE BED. Shannon is getting better by the day. Considering what has happened it is a miracle she has got through. Although far from out of the woods yet, she is slowly regaining her strength. The doctors have found clots in her legs but with medication and movement all should be well. I believe a lot to do with everyone's prayers and energy. I cannot possibly thank you all enough. There are lots more stories of things that have happened but at present I am crook myself so it will have to wait. I have come back to Coffs Harbour for a couple of days for a break, it's also my weekend with the little bloke and to open our Annual Suicide Intervention Training Conference. I seem to have picked up the flu or something so I may not even attend that. At present I just want to go to bed. And my little blokes the nurse. Take care, I carry you all in my heart.......... Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress www.dadsindistress.asn.au back to top All you need is Love Sexual Integrity is Basic to Successful Fathering Extract from 16 Reasons for Sexual Integrity - available from Fatherhood Foundation info@fathersonline.org Sexual integrity, as one of the foundations for a successful marriage, is very important to children. Unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the big contributors to divorce. When men are committed to their wives, they are more likely to be committed to their children. As has often been said, the best thing a man can do for his children is to love his wife. Dr Wade Horn says, 'Men need to understand if you father a child out of wedlock, the odds are you will not have a relationship with your child by the time your child is 18.' When men remain faithful to their wives, their children benefit greatly. Conversely, when men do not put their wives in first place, their children suffer. Children's relationships with their fathers suffer through divorce in many ways. Sixty-five percent of young adults whose parents had divorced had poor relationships with their fathers (compared to 29% from non-divorced families). On average, children whose parents divorce or never marry see their fathers less frequently and have less affectionate relationships with their fathers than do children whose parents marry and stay married. Sexual integrity is therefore one of the factors of keeping fathers in relationship with their children. Sexual integrity, as a factor in a successful relationship, helps both mothers and fathers sustain a close relationship with their children. One expert from Harvard medical school who has studied over 40 years of research on the question of parental absence and children's well-being said this, 'What has been shown over and over again to contribute most to the emotional development of the child is a close, warm, sustained and continuous relationship with both parents.' Sexual integrity for a father is extremely important to a healthy father/daughter relationship. A daughter must be sexually safe from interference by her father. The father/daughter relationship must be warm, close and nonsexual. This contributes to the likelihood of her developing a healthy sexuality on a number of levels. Conversely the absence of a father can cause sexual integrity problems in a daughter. * Studies from many different cultures have found that girls raised without fathers are more like to be sexually active, and to start early sexual activity. Father-deprived girls 'show precocious sexual interest, derogation of masculinity and males, and poor ability to maintain sexual and emotional adjustment with one male'. * A US study found that girls who grow up without fathers were '53 percent more likely to marry as teenagers, 111 percent more likely to have children as teenagers, 164 percent more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92 percent more likely to dissolve their own marriages.' * New Zealand research has found that the absence of a father is a major factor in the early onset of puberty and teenage pregnancy. Dr Bruce Ellis, Psychologist in Sexual Development at the University of Canterbury in Christchurch found that one of the most important factors in determining early menarche is the father: 'There seems to be something special about the role of fathers in regulating daughters' sexual development" back to top Thought of the Week The Dictionary says val-iant [val-yuh nt] -adjective 1. boldly courageous; brave; stout- hearted: a valiant soldier. 2. marked by or showing bravery or valour; heroic: to make a valiant effort. 3. worthy; excellent. back to top Special Feature Big Boys Do Cry By Rebecca Wilson Sunday Times October 07, 2006 Big boys do cry. Big, brutish, macho footy players cry. More importantly, and most surprisingly, it is apparently entirely acceptable. I have often said in this column that it is sport as theatre that is infinitely more interesting than groin injuries and team changes. Never was that more true than in the past week - the week of the crying loser. It started with the Swans' Adam Goodes, who burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears when the siren sounded at the end of the AFL Grand Final. Goodes, like many of his teammates, believed so strongly in himself that he really thought his side could pull off the greatest comeback in AFL history to win a second successive flag. Goodes' tears were those of a frustrated, desperate, young man who had just seen something slip from his grasp that was never coming back. These were operatic tears at the end of a match, which was far more emotional than Madame Butterfly or La Boheme could ever hope to be. Goodes led a chorus of cries around the MCG, led by my 12-year-old son, Will, and his mate, Tommy. Both boys cried inconsolably when the Swannies lost and didn't feel at all ashamed about it. After all, Mum, if the Brownlow medallist can sob, so can we. Goodes was just the start of it. An extremely remorseful Barry Hall wept when he realised the implications of the loss. Hall had one of his worst games of the season, something that played so heavily on the big full-forward's mind that he ultimately fled Sydney to recover. Hall's tears were surprising. Barry is not known as Big Bad Barry for nothing. He is one of the toughest players in a side that is rated the toughest in the competition. He is a country lad - they aren't meant to cry, either. But cry he did. The following day in Sydney, one of league's most brutish and boofy players, Ryan Hoffman, cried like a baby when the Melbourne Storm lost the Grand Final against the Brisbane Broncos. This wasn't just a quiet little cry in the corner away from the glare of the cameras. It was a different cry from the one we saw at the MCG. The Storm had about 10 minutes to get used to the fact they weren't going to win the Grand Final. These weren't tears of frustration and desperation. This was a sad wail - a genuine sob right there in front of the entire television audience. It went on and on and on. Hoffman is, by the way, the son of a blokey former league player, Jay. What I loved about the Hoffman cry was that this young man has come from a solid rugby league household. His dad would have raised him to play the sport from a young age and obviously didn't discourage his son from expressing his feelings along the way. The crying week went on. The Storm's Scott Hill cried at the club's presentation night - his last as a professional footballer. St Kilda's Nick Riewoldt wept tears of regret as he talked about his sacked coach, Grant Thomas, at his prize night. It would be easy to write all of these boys off as bad losers. No doubt, losing must play some little part in all of this grieving. But there is definitely a distinct change in the world order that indicates male sport has changed forever, and for the best. For too long, males have suppressed their feelings of guilt, loss and sadness. Sportsmen have always been taught to cop it on the chin and move on like real men. Well, guess what, the new real man is a cry-baby and we quite like it that way. The cynics among us will say that these blokes are just bad losers who should get a life. I like to think the opposite - that they are really committed young athletes who treat their roles with such intensity and professionalism that losing really hurts. More importantly, these young men have quite unwittingly and spontaneously become great role models for mums and dads raising sons. I have always told my sons that it's OK to cry - win or lose. They have been known to look at me sideways when I have said it. Not any more. Even my macho 14-year-old looked at Ryan Hoffman's tears and uttered a word of sympathy (and he's a Broncos fan). The week of crying has added an entirely new dimension to sport that is here to stay. We are finally seeing the fruits of our labours - a new generation of young men in touch with their sensitive sides who aren't too embarrassed to express themselves in public. The world of sport is already a better place for it. http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,20541046-5005374,00.html back to top News & Info Mens Health starts with Men Support Prostrate Cancer Research and Male Depression whcih are two of the largest areas which threaten Mens health and survival 1. Men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy of males is 6 years less than females. 2. Every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer. 3. Depression affects 1 in 6 men-Most don't seek help. Untreated depression is a leading risk factor for suicide. Rates of suicide are more than double the national road toll. Movember (the month formally known as November) is a charity event held during November each year. At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible. Movember culminates at the end of the month at the gala parties. These glamorous and groomed events will see Tom Selleck and David Boon look-a-likes battle it out on the catwalk for their chance to take home the prestigious Man of Movember title. Whilst growing a mo' is left to the guys, Mo Sistas (ladies that support their guys or love mo's!) form an important part of Movember with their powerful feminine touch, by recruiting Mo Bros, helping to raise funds and attending the highly anticipated Gala Parties. But its not all fun and games, so why the extreme behaviour? Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is 6 years less than females. The obvious question is why? Part of the answer is a lack of awareness about the very real health issues faced by males. The good old "she'll be right" attitude and a reluctance to see a doctor about an illness or for regular medical checks also contributes to the problem. The aim of Movember is to change this attitude, make male health fun by putting the MO back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues. The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are: Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia ( www.prostate.org.au ) because every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer. Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue ( www.beyondblue.org.au ) because one in six men suffer from depression at any given time but most don't seek help. Testicular Cancer because it's the second most common cancer in young men aged 18 to 35. We challenge you to change the face of men's health... www.movember.com.au * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Infantacide a tool of cowards It almost seems as if killing your own is becoming a viable alternative for a scattering of gutless men too willing to lay down the lives of their children as collateral in their wars against their wives. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20726487-5007146,00.html _________________________________________________________ Liam Magill's High Court Paternity Betrayal The Greatest Love of all is a Parents love for their child by James Adams www.Fathers4Equality-Australia.org Liam Magill's High Court case makes it OK to betray your kids and deny them their human rights The greatest love of all is a parent?s love for their child. So discovering that your child you love is somebody else's is the greatest betrayal of all. It is a triple betrayal: Firstly to discover that this greatest love of all is based on a lie. Secondly it is a betrayal of marriage - adultery. Connected to this, it is a huge financial fraud, since children are expensive little things. But most importantly, the third betrayal is that these poor children are denied their human right to even know one of their natural parents. Like adopted children, these betrayal kids, these 'poor bastards' (literally!) are lied to and never meet their natural fathers. It's OK to betray Today the Australian High Court said it is OK to lie, to betray your kids and your partner. Liam Magill lost his appeal to have this betrayal recognised. Liam Magill is a broken man. He is on a disability pension as a result of stress and post-traumatic symptoms of finding out that two of his children were another man's. These innocent kids are still denied their real father, their natural father. Their natural father is wealthy and he is known to the courts. How is this decision in the best interest of the children? Children need their NATURAL fathers Paternity betrayal is a ticking time bomb. What if these kids need a transplant or other therapy? With genetic medicine becoming common over the next 20 years, today's babies are going to discover not just that they have been lied to, but that their health has been put it medical danger. Girls that grow up without their natural fathers, and especially girls who have another man as a 'step-father' are at risk. They are many times more likely to become pregnant as teenagers and suffer from premature puberty. Girls who grow up with a man who is not their natural father are likely to reach puberty in primary school! Men appear to be more than just sperm donors, and cash-machines, they provide hormonal or genetic protection for their natural children. http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/s958787.htm Child protection - remember Cinderella? Remember Cinderella? These betrayed Cinderellas are put at risk. The child-protection issue is very real. The stats on child abuse are very clear; the children most at-risk of abuse are those who don?t live with both their natural parents. Many speakers on this issue miss this key issue of betrayal and instead work hard at trying to blame the victims? The man is betrayed and the child is denied the human right to know and be cared for its natural parents. Liam and the two children have been suffering. Some of this suffering is due to the costs of these children, the fraud and lying. But the real suffering is the betrayal of the greatest love of all? Frequently quoted "experts" such as the Law Reform Commission's Wisbrot in have previously made it clear that they want DNA testing to only be available for mothers, and for it to be illegal for fathers. Today most DNA tests are done by mothers simply to get money. On the other hand, most DNA testing by men is motivated by truth or love. To protect children, DNA testing must be made compulsary at birth. UN Rights of the Child is contravened by paternity betrayal The Australian Government has ratified the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child. Australia must ensure that children have; "the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents... The right of the child to preserve his or her... family relations...That a child shall not be separated from his or her parents against their will... (and) the right of the child who is separated from one or both parents to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis." http://www.unhchr.ch/html/menu3/b/k2crc.htm _________________________________________________________ The Battle for Balance Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume. He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes: 'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue. What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.' To request a copy of this insightful document please write to Alby Schultz MP Federal Member for Hume 33 Ottiwell St Goulburn NSW 2580 _______________________________________________________ Older Dads - SBS TV Documentary Request for Interviews Iris Pictures is an award winning documentary production company who specialise in longer form, intimate social documentaries. Most of our work is screened on the ABC or SBS TV. We are based at Film Australia, Sydney. SBS TV have approached us to develop a four part series exploring the issues faced by Older Dads. The joys, the struggles, the realities. We are looking for men 50 years and older who have become dads for the first time or second time around. Perhaps you are about to have a baby or already have a newborn or toddlers....teenagers or older children. Perhaps you are a 75 yr old dad with a 10 yr old son?or you are currently trying to conceive a child. I'd be open to all sorts of situations as we're looking for a cross section of stories. Initially, I would like to do an interview on the phone with the possibility of filming early next year. I'd greatly appreciate any interested dads (or potential dads) contacting Nicky Ruscoe on the following: Mobile: 0418 626 981 Wk: 02 9413 8700 Email: nruscoe@filmaust.com.au I am hoping to complete all phone interviews by November 17th. Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and consideration. Nicky * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Breathing Under Water Understanding 12 Step Spirituality Monday 13th November 2006 7.30pm to 9:30pm You are invited to register for an evening with FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.) BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE 390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q. For further information contact: MTM Australia 07 3876 8710 Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in future generations. ________________________________________________________ Hey, Dad for fathers who have a child with a disability is a new addition to the Hey Dad series of programs and is being developed in partnership between Burnside, Centacare Broken Bay and The Spastic Centre and Lifestart with funding from FaCSIA. 6-7 February 2007 7 Blackwood Place, Nth Parramatta Ph: Andrew King on 0412 404 577 This training supports facilitators to target dads who have a child with a disability, and provide Dads and Kids Playgroups and a Dads' Workshops in either a three or five hour format. The training provides a suggested program and resources for workers to facilitate both types of groups. Themes explored in the Dads' Workshops include: - working in partnership with service providers - juggling the needs of your family, work and your own needs - balancing the needs of other family members - encouraging your child's emotional growth - focusing on the future The program will help organisations that support families who have children with disabilities, to involve fathers more easily into their service. When both workshops are provided once per school term, the manual provides enough resources to deliver an 18-month program. ________________________________________________________ Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation I?m hoping you are the people responsible for the ads on TV recently depicting a father playing with his sons. As a Christian I can understand the point of what you are doing, but the ads really upset my grandson (who has no father) and his friends who are in a similar situation. He has actually cried whilst watching the ads. Could future advertising be slanted towards adults better, rather than showing these poor little children what they're missing out on? Many thanks. Catherine Dear Catherine Sorry to hear that your grandson appeared to get upset by watching one of our TV ads. Although I have no way of knowing for sure if it was one of our TV ads based on your description. The fatherlessness sadness seems to be displayed in many children all over Australia. That sadness is in there hearts because the father wound is very real. When Dad goes missing whatever the reason, it produces a certain level of heartbreak. I know the feeling well. Healing can only come when we recognize the loss. The ads in question deliberately feature humour so as not to focus on the pain. It would seem that even in laughter the pain still exists. We are sorry to hear of your grandson's pain and pray that our father in heaven will reach out with his arms of love and surround your grandson with his healing touch as only he can. Thank you for your comments and be assured we value your comments highly. Kind Regards Warwick Marsh back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Help me be a valiant man, and put the needs of my wife and children before the needs of my own sex drive. Help me manage my testosterone; not it manage me, because my sexuality is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_36DFC_01C70638.31B18040 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 221 - 13 th November, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

 

Allan Meyer is definitely a man's man. He is over 6 ft tall and looks like he played football for Essendon.  He loves his golf and sports in general, and can do a remarkably authentic version of Johnny B Goode. But this is not what sets Allan Meyer apart from other Aussie men.

 

Allan Meyer is a frighteningly honest man with a profound grasp of spiritual truth who has asked some hard questions and dug down deep into his psyche to find the answers. Then he has developed courses though careforce lifekeys www.careforce.org  in order to share his answers with others.  The names of the many programs of Careforce Lifekeys almost speak for themselves: Door of Hope, Chemically Speaking, New Beginnings, Kids with Courage, Making Marriage Better, Man to Man, New Beginnings, Search for Intimacy, Search for Life, Woman to Woman, Youth Search for Life and Valiant Man. These Aussie 'Careforce Lifekeys' programs are now being conducted all over the world in USA, Europe, Russia, Africa and India. Over 1,200 churches in Australia alone operate Careforce programs of one kind or another. The really good news is that tens of thousands of people are being helped in a practical way through these wonderful courses which are meeting people at their point of need.

 

In 2004 Dr Allan Meyer completed his doctorate. His thesis was the development of the ten week 'Valiant Man' course, first conducted in Melbourne in 2004. Valiant Man is a program designed to restore and fortify the sexual integrity and spiritual vitality of Australian men. This course has taken off and is being run in USA, New Zealand and many other countries around the world. Allan Meyer is the best speaker I have ever heard on men's sexuality. That is the reason we invited him to speak at Australia's inaugural Sexual Integrity Forum in Parliament House, Canberra, August 2005 with Dr Mary Anne Layden. This is also the reason we have included Dr Allan Meyer in the Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course as one of our featured speakers. The subject for the night was 'Managing Testosterone - the science of sex hormo nes, sexual integrity and the mystery of the sexual union'.

 

Once when conducting a 'Seven Secrets of Success Seminar for Fathers' in Tasmania I asked a rhetorical question of the attendees.  When I run these seminars I used the acrostic word SUCCESS and asked the group what the first S stood for.  One joker yelled from the back of the group, "SEX" to a chorus of loud laughs.  None of my three Ss in SUCCESS stand for sex so I smugly replied, "Wrong!" and kept on going.  As I continued with the seminar I realised that my joker was right and I was wrong. Fatherhood begins with sex and sadly often ends with sex, due to some sort of sexual dysfunction such as porn addiction or sexual betrayal like adultery.  When men fail to ma nage their testosterone, the ones who pay the price are usually the women and children.  The recent sacking of a minister within the NSW State Government for his predatory behaviour on young men and boys being a classic case in point.  Usually in those situations men lose their marriages, their jobs and often their children. In America last week a similar thing happened with a very well known and respected minister Ps Ted Haggard. In his letter of explanation to his congregation Ps Haggard said in part, "Because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them. The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it all my adult life." Ted Haggard is a brave man and it is never too late to get things out in the open and seek healing. I just pray he is able to keep his marriage and his children because these are a man's greatest assets this side of eternity and to lose them is unimaginable.

 

Lovework

 

Do a stock-take on your testosterone management system.  Is your management system working or are you gripped in a spiral of damaging addiction?  If you need help, seek help. In doing so you will thrust a sword through the demon of pride and start on the journey to becoming a valiant man. Isn't that what every woman and every child needs?

 

Yours for valiant men

Warwick Marsh

 

PS The guys loved Allan Meyer so much that they voted unanimously to run his program in Wollongong next year.  If you would like to do this course please register your interest and contact details in an email to info@fathersonline.org  For more information on the Valiant Man program contact www.careforce.org  for details on a course near you.

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

Authentic men aren't afraid
to show affection,

release their feelings,

hug their children,

cry when they're sad,

admit it when they're wrong,

and ask for help when they need it.

 

Charles Swindoll

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Laughter

 
 
 
Making some fun conversation with my 4 yr old son, I asked him, "Son, do you think that Saddamm Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?" "Yes" he replied rather confidently. I was taken by surprise and to keep the conversation going, I mused "Well, where do you think they are?" "They're in my toy box" he said matter-of-factly.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A young boy is studying mathematics and come across a problem he can't figure out, so he asks his mother, "Mom, what's seven time 4?" "Seven times 4 is 36. Now don't bother mother while she's balancing her cheque book."

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Single Dads

 

A Brief Word of Thanks

 

Day 23 - 05 November 2006

 

 SHE MOVED HER LEG AND LIFTED HER HAND OFF THE BED.

 

Shannon is getting better by the day. Considering what has happened it is a miracle she has got through. Although far from out of the woods yet, she is slowly regaining her strength. The doctors have found clots in her legs but with medication and movement all should be well.

 

I believe a lot to do with everyone's prayers and energy. I cannot possibly thank you all enough. There are lots more stories of things that have happened but at present I am crook myself so it will have to wait. I have come back to Coffs Harbour for a couple of days for a break, it's also my weekend with the little bloke and to open our Annual Suicide Intervention Training Conference. I seem to have picked up the flu or something so I may not even attend that. At present I just want to go to bed. And my little blokes the nurse.

 

Take care, I carry you all in my heart..........

 

Tony Miller

Founder Dads in Distress

www.dadsindistress.asn.au  

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All you need is Love

Sexual Integrity is Basic to Successful Fathering

Extract from 16 Reasons for Sexual Integrity

- available from Fatherhood Foundation info@fathersonline.org  

 

Sexual integrity, as one of the foundations for a successful marriage, is very important to children. Unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the big contributors to divorce. When men are committed to their wives, they are more likely to be committed to their children. As has often been said, the best thing a man can do for his children is to love his wife.

 

Dr Wade Horn says, 'Men need to understand if you father a child out of wedlock, the odds are you will not have a relationship with your child by the time your child is 18.'

 

When men remain faithful to their wives, their children benefit greatly. Conversely, when men do not put their wives in first place, their children suffer. Children's relationships with their fathers suffer through divorce in many ways. Sixty-five percent of young adults whose parents had divorced had poor relationships with their fathers (compared to 29% from non-divorced families). On average, children whose parents divorce or never marry see their fathers less frequently and have less affectionate relationships with their fathers than do children whose parents marry and stay married. Sexual integrity is therefore one of the factors of keeping fathers in relationship with their children.

 

Sexual integrity, as a factor in a successful relationship, helps both mothers and fathers sustain a close relationship with their children. One expert from Harvard medical school who has studied over 40 years of research on the question of parental absence and children's well-being said this, 'What has been shown over and over again to contribute most to the emotional development of the child is a close, warm, sustained and continuous relationship with both parents.'

 

Sexual integrity for a father is extremely important to a healthy father/daughter relationship. A daughter must be sexually safe from interference by her father. The father/daughter relationship must be warm, close and nonsexual. This contributes to the likelihood of her developing a healthy sexuality on a number of levels. Conversely the absence of a father can cause sexual integrity problems in a daughter.

 

* Studies from many different cultures have found that girls raised without fathers are more like to be sexually active, and to start early sexual activity. Father-deprived girls 'show precocious sexual interest, derogation of masculinity and males, and poor ability to maintain sexual and emotional adjustment with one male'.

 

* A US study found that girls who grow up without fathers were '53 percent more likely to marry as teenagers, 111 percent more likely to have children as teenagers, 164 percent more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92 percent more likely to dissolve their own marriages.'

 

* New Zealand research has found that the absence of a father is a major factor in the early onset of puberty and teenage pregnancy. Dr Bruce Ellis, Psychologist in Sexual Development at the University of Canterbury in Christchurch found that one of the most important factors in determining early menarche is the father: 'There seems to be something special about the role of fathers in regulating daughters' sexual development"

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Thought of the Week

The Dictionary says

 

val-iant  [val-yuh nt] 

 -adjective

1. boldly courageous; brave; stout-  hearted: a valiant soldier.

2. marked by or showing bravery or valour; heroic: to make a valiant effort.

3. worthy; excellent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Special Feature

 

 

 

 

Big Boys Do Cry

By Rebecca Wilson  

Sunday Times October 07, 2006

Big boys do cry. Big, brutish, macho footy players cry. More importantly, and most surprisingly, it is apparently entirely acceptable.

I have often said in this column that it is sport as theatre that is infinitely more interesting than groin injuries and team changes.

Never was that more true than in the past week - the week of the crying loser. It started with the Swans' Adam Goodes, who burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears when the siren sounded at the end of the AFL Grand Final.

Goodes, like many of his teammates, believed so strongly in himself that he really thought his side could pull off the greatest comeback in AFL history to win a second successive flag.

Goodes' tears were those of a frustrated, desperate, young man who had just seen something slip from his grasp that was never coming back.

These were operatic tears at the end of a match, which was far more emotional than Madame Butterfly or La Boheme could ever hope to be.

Goodes led a chorus of cries around the MCG, led by my 12-year-old son, Will, and his mate, Tommy. Both boys cried inconsolably when the Swannies lost and didn't feel at all ashamed about it. After all, Mum, if the Brownlow medallist can sob, so can we.

Goodes was just the start of it. An extremely remorseful Barry Hall wept when he realised the implications of the loss.

Hall had one of his worst games of the season, something that played so heavily on the big full-forward's mind that he ultimately fled Sydney to recover.

Hall's tears were surprising. Barry is not known as Big Bad Barry for nothing.

He is one of the toughest players in a side that is rated the toughest in the competition. He is a country lad - they aren't meant to cry, either. But cry he did.


The following day in Sydney, one of league's most brutish and boofy players, Ryan Hoffman, cried like a baby when the Melbourne Storm lost the Grand Final against the Brisbane Broncos.

This wasn't just a quiet little cry in the corner away from the glare of the cameras. It was a different cry from the one we saw at the MCG. The Storm had about 10 minutes to get used to the fact they weren't going to win the Grand Final.

These weren't tears of frustration and desperation. This was a sad wail - a genuine sob right there in front of the entire television audience.

It went on and on and on. Hoffman is, by the way, the son of a blokey former league player, Jay.

What I loved about the Hoffman cry was that this young man has come from a solid rugby league household. His dad would have raised him to play the sport from a young age and obviously didn't discourage his son from expressing his feelings along the way.

The crying week went on. The Storm's Scott Hill cried at the club's presentation night - his last as a professional footballer. St Kilda's Nick Riewoldt wept tears of regret as he talked about his sacked coach, Grant Thomas, at his prize night.

It would be easy to write all of these boys off as bad losers. No doubt, losing must play some little part in all of this grieving.

But there is definitely a distinct change in the world order that indicates male sport has changed forever, and for the best.

For too long, males have suppressed their feelings of guilt, loss and sadness. Sportsmen have always been taught to cop it on the chin and move on like real men. Well, guess what, the new real man is a cry-baby and we quite like it that way.

The cynics among us will say that these blokes are just bad losers who should get a life. I like to think the opposite - that they are really committed young athletes who treat their roles with such intensity and professionalism that losing really hurts.

More importantly, these young men have quite unwittingly and spontaneously become great role models for mums and dads raising sons. I have always told my sons that it's OK to cry - win or lose.

They have been known to look at me sideways when I have said it. Not any more. Even my macho 14-year-old looked at Ryan Hoffman's tears and uttered a word of sympathy (and he's a Broncos fan).

The week of crying has added an entirely new dimension to sport that is here to stay.

We are finally seeing the fruits of our labours - a new generation of young men in touch with their sensitive sides who aren't too embarrassed to express themselves in public. The world of sport is already a better place for it.

http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,20541046-5005374,00.html

 

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mens Health starts with Men

Support

 

Prostrate Cancer Research and Male Depression  whcih are two of the largest areas which threaten Mens health and survival

 

  1. Men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy of males is 6 years less than females.
  2. Every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.
  3. Depression affects 1 in 6 men-Most don't seek help. Untreated depression is a leading risk factor for suicide. Rates of suicide are more than double the national road toll.

Movember (the month formally known as November) is a charity event held during November each year.

 

At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible.

 

Movember culminates at the end of the month at the gala parties. These glamorous and groomed events will see Tom Selleck and David Boon look-a-likes battle it out on the catwalk for their chance to take home the prestigious Man of Movember title.

 

Whilst growing a mo' is left to the guys, Mo Sistas (ladies that support their guys or love mo's!) form an important part of Movember with their powerful feminine touch, by recruiting Mo Bros, helping to raise funds and attending the highly anticipated Gala Parties.

 

But its not all fun and games, so why the extreme behaviour?

 

Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is 6 years less than females.

 

The obvious question is why?

Part of the answer is a lack of awareness about the very real health issues faced by males. The good old "she'll be right" attitude and a reluctance to see a doctor about an illness or for regular medical checks also contributes to the problem.

 

The aim of Movember is to change this attitude, make male health fun by putting the MO back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues.

 

The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are:

 

Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia ( www.prostate.org.au ) because every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.

 

Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue  ( www.beyondblue.org.au ) because one in six men suffer from depression at any given time but most don't seek help.

 

Testicular Cancer because it's the second most common cancer in young men aged 18 to 35.

 

We challenge you to change the face of men's health... 

www.movember.com.au  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Infantacide a tool of cowards
It almost seems as if killing your own is becoming a viable alternative for a scattering of gutless men too willing to lay down the lives of their children as collateral in their wars against their wives.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20726487-5007146,00.html

_________________________________________________________

 

Liam Magill's High Court Paternity Betrayal


The Greatest Love of all is a Parents love for their child

by James Adams

www.Fathers4Equality-Australia.org

 

Liam Magill's High Court case makes it OK to betray your kids and deny them their human rights

  

The greatest love of all is a parent?s love for their child. So discovering that your child you love is somebody else's is the greatest betrayal of all.

 

It is a triple betrayal: Firstly to discover that this greatest love of all is based on a lie. 

 

Secondly it is a betrayal of marriage - adultery. Connected to this, it is a huge financial fraud, since children are expensive little things.

 

But most importantly, the third betrayal is that these poor children are denied their human right to even know one of their natural parents. Like adopted children, these betrayal kids, these 'poor bastards' (literally!) are lied to and never meet their natural fathers. 

 

It's OK to betray

Today the Australian High Court said it is OK to lie, to betray your kids and your partner.

 

Liam Magill lost his appeal to have this betrayal recognised. Liam Magill is a broken man. He is on a disability pension as a result of stress and post-traumatic symptoms of finding out that two of his children were another man's.

 

These innocent kids are still denied their real father, their natural father. Their natural father is wealthy and he is known to the courts. How is this decision in the best interest of the children?

 

Children need their NATURAL fathers

Paternity betrayal is a ticking time bomb. What if these kids need a transplant or other therapy? With genetic medicine becoming common over the next 20 years, today's babies are going to discover not just that they have been lied to, but that their health has been put it medical danger.

 

Girls that grow up without their natural fathers, and especially girls who have another man as a 'step-father' are at risk. They are many times more likely to become pregnant as teenagers and suffer from premature puberty. Girls who grow up with a man who is not their natural father are likely to reach puberty in primary school! 

 

Men appear to be more than just sperm donors, and cash-machines, they provide hormonal or genetic protection for their natural children.

http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/s958787.htm

 

 

Child protection - remember Cinderella?

 

Remember Cinderella? These betrayed Cinderellas are put at risk. The child-protection issue is very real. The stats on child abuse are very clear; the children most at-risk of abuse are those who don?t live with both their natural parents.

 

Many speakers on this issue miss this key issue of betrayal and instead work hard at trying to blame the victims? The man is betrayed and the child is denied the human right to know and be cared for its natural parents.

 

Liam and the two children have been suffering. Some of this suffering is due to the costs of these children, the fraud and lying. But the real suffering is the betrayal of the greatest love of all?

 

Frequently quoted "experts" such as the Law Reform Commission's Wisbrot in have previously made it clear that they want DNA testing to only be available for mothers, and for it to be illegal for fathers. Today most DNA tests are done by mothers simply to get money. On the other hand, most DNA testing by men is motivated by truth or love. To protect children, DNA testing must be made compulsary at birth.

 

UN Rights of the Child is contravened by paternity betrayal 

The Australian Government has ratified the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child. Australia must ensure that children have;
"the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents... The right of the child to preserve his or her... family relations...That a child shall not be separated from his or her parents against their will... (and) the right of the child who is separated from one or both parents to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis."

http://www.unhchr.ch/html/menu3/b/k2crc.htm

 

_________________________________________________________

The Battle for Balance

 

Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume.  He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes:

 

'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue.

 

What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.'

 

To request a copy of this insightful document please write to

Alby Schultz MP

Federal Member for Hume

33 Ottiwell St

Goulburn NSW 2580

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Older Dads - SBS TV Documentary

Request for Interviews

 

Iris Pictures is an award winning documentary production company who specialise in longer form, intimate social documentaries. Most of our work is screened on the ABC or SBS TV. We are based at Film Australia, Sydney.

 

SBS TV have approached us to develop a four part series exploring the issues faced by Older Dads. The joys, the struggles, the realities. We are looking for men 50 years and older who have become dads for the first time or second time around.

 

Perhaps you are about to have a baby or already have a newborn or toddlers....teenagers or older children. Perhaps you are a 75 yr old dad with a 10 yr old son?or you are currently trying to conceive a child. I'd be open to all sorts of situations as we're looking for a cross section of stories.

 

Initially, I would like to do an interview on the phone with the possibility of filming early next year.

 

I'd greatly appreciate any interested dads (or potential dads) contacting Nicky Ruscoe on the following:

Mobile: 0418 626 981

Wk: 02 9413 8700

Email: nruscoe@filmaust.com.au

 

I am hoping to complete all phone interviews by November 17th.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and consideration.

Nicky

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Breathing Under Water

Understanding 12 Step Spirituality

Monday 13th November 2006

7.30pm to 9:30pm

You are invited to register for an evening with

FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.)

BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE

390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q.

For further information contact:

MTM Australia 07 3876 8710

 

Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in futu re generations.

 

________________________________________________________

 

Hey, Dad

for fathers who have a child with a disability

is a new addition to the Hey Dad series of programs and is being developed in partnership between Burnside, Centacare Broken Bay and The Spastic Centre and Lifestart with funding from FaCSIA.

 

6-7 February 2007 

7 Blackwood Place, Nth Parramatta

Ph: Andrew King on 0412 404 577

 

This training supports facilitators to target dads who have a child with a disability, and provide Dads and Kids Playgroups and a Dads' Workshops in either a three or five hour format. The training provides a suggested program and resources for workers to facilitate both types of groups. Themes explored in the Dads' Workshops include:

-  working in partnership with service providers  

- juggling the needs of your family, work and your own needs

- balancing the needs of other family members

- encouraging your child's emotional growth

- focusing on the future

 

The program will help organisations that support families who have children with disabilities, to involve fathers more easily into their service. When both workshops are provided once per school term, the manual provides enough resources to deliver an 18-month program.

 

________________________________________________________

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I?m hoping you are the people responsible for the ads on TV recently depicting a father playing with his sons.

 

As a Christian I can understand the point of what you are doing, but the ads really upset my grandson (who has no father) and his friends who are in a similar situation.  He has actually cried whilst watching the ads.

 

Could future advertising be slanted towards adults better, rather than showing these poor little children what they're missing out on?

 

Many thanks.

Catherine

 

Dear Catherine

 

Sorry to hear that your grandson appeared to get upset by watching one of our TV ads. Although I have no way of knowing for sure if it was one of our TV ads based on your description. The fatherlessness sadness seems to be displayed in many children all over Australia. That sadness is in there hearts because the father wound is very real. When Dad goes missing whatever the reason, it produces a certain level of heartbreak. I know the feeling well.

 

Healing can only come when we recognize the loss. The ads in question deliberately feature humour so as not to focus on the pain. It would seem that even in laughter the pain still exists. We are sorry to hear of your grandson's pain and pray that our father in heaven will reach out with his arms of love and surround your grandson with his healing touch as only he can. Thank you for your comments and be assured we value your comments highly.

 

Kind Regards

Warwick Marsh

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

Dear God

 

Help me be a valiant man,

and put the needs of my wife

and children before the needs

of my own sex drive.

Help me manage my testosterone;

not it manage me,

because my sexuality is

a wonderful servant,

but a terrible master.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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