X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 9308ADEB61 for ; Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:43:04 +1100 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 08291-10 for ; Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:42:50 +1100 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 203.16.214.141 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=203.16.214.141; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=ipmail02.adl2.internode.on.net; Received: from ipmail02.adl2.internode.on.net (ipmail02.adl2.internode.on.net [203.16.214.141]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 76205DEB52 for ; Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:42:50 +1100 (EST) Received: from eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net (HELO polyglot.com.au) ([150.101.193.82]) by ipmail02.adl2.internode.on.net with ESMTP; 26 Nov 2006 07:12:48 +1030 X-IronPort-AV: i="4.09,459,1157293800"; d="scan'208,217"; a="51166829:sNHT144650450" Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:43:34 +1100 Thread-Topic: Fair Divorce ??? 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Please click here =20 =20 Issue 221 - 13 th November, 2006 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads=20 * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick =20 Some time ago I received a request to speak at a Fair Divorce Forum at the Western Suburbs Leagues Club in Wollongong. When I first received this invitation, my inclination was to 'not accept' because I don't believe that divorce can be fair. Love is not fair. Life is not fair. My good friend Jeff Dakers prevailed upon me to reconsider, and so I include the following excerpt from my speech given last week for the readers of fathersonline. =20 What does the team at the Fatherhood Foundation believe about Fair Divorce? We believe that unfortunately there is not such thing because marriage is built from love and love is never fair. Famous author Ernest Hemmingway said, 'Love is just another dirty lie . . . I know about love. Love always hangs up behind the bathroom door. It smells like Lysol. To hell with love". =20 D H Lawrence, who spent some time here in Wollongong in the early 20th century said, "I'm not sure if a mental relation with a woman doesn't make it impossible to love her. To know the mind of a woman is to end up hating her." =20 These two famous people seem a bit negative about love and marriage but unfortunately they are not alone Lord Byron said, "Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil." Zsa Zsa Gabor said, "Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended." Helen Rowland said "Before marriage a man will lie awake thinking about something you said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it." Clint Eastwood sums it all up tongue-in-cheek, "There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I will get married again." =20 Marriage is based on an exchange of vows, which form a covenantal relationship in which everything you have becomes hers, and everything she has becomes yours. Children are born from the physical exchange of love between two people. The Bible calls it 'two becoming one'. "Herein is the mystery. If two become one how can they be separated?" =20 When two pieces of wood are glued together under pressure, if you try to pull them apart, you will rarely get an equal split. Love joins two people together. Marriage formalises love's union. Divorce not only destroys a marriage, but in the process it often also destroys those who are getting divorced. Each person has pieces of the other still sticking to them and that's one of the reasons divorce hurts like hell and should be avoided at all costs. In many ways the pain that children have to bear in acrimonious divorce is far worse because they are literally made from the timbers of their parents. To separate them forcefully as the Family Law Court does from their own biological father or mother is beyond comprehension. The unfortunate reality is that the process of suicidal litigation often hurts the children far more than anyone else. My voice here tonight is raised on their behalf as the one's least likely to be able to speak for themselves. I have experienced that sort of pain first hand, which qualifies me to speak, even though I would prefer not to be qualified on this issue. =20 =20 =20 Ovid said, "Love is a kind of warfare." Pat Benatar sang, "Love is a battlefield." My subject matter for this forum was further qualified by the wedding of Daniel, 22, & Tneal, 21, that I attended on the weekend. Neither Benatar nor Ovid's words would have deterred Daniel and Tneal from embracing the death found in marriage as both die, and one mysteriously appears in the ultimate act of love. Tneal said in her speech as she turned towards her handsome man in his white-vested suit, "I just want you to know that I love you with every bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we will get through anything." Daniel's response to Tneal was equally enthralling, "You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance you always fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have taught to appreciate God's wonders more. 4 years ago, or 50 million breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath with you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at the same time. Tneal . . . I absolutely love you." =20 Maybe we should all take a lesson from Daniel & Tneal's wedding. The reality is, we should all be aiming for better marriage not fair divorce. We will never have fair divorce because love and marriage are so all-consuming. This doesn't mean we shouldn't aim for fairer divorce especially for our children's sake. The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight for fairer divorce laws, not because we believe in fair divorce, but we must ensure no one party gains through this painful act of self-destruction, whether they be man or woman. =20 The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the gross inequities found in the current child support scheme which encourages the failed sole custody model and continues to rob children of their fathers even to this day. =20 The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the proliferation of divorce and fight to encourage a process of better marriage. To quote from the introduction of Twenty One Reasons Why Marriage Matters, published by the Fatherhood Foundation, "Marriage is an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for children and adults alike". We must rally together as a community to fight for, not just fair divorce but better marriage. =20 Maybe the answer to our quest for better marriage is found in the wedding speech of these two young married lovers. We must ask the author of love, our Father in heaven to join with us in our marriages because as Tneal says, "With God we will get through anything."=20 =20 Lovework =20 Keep love alive at all costs. Even when love is on life-support it can always be resuscitated. Use young Daniel's words to inspire you to scale the heights once again. =20 Yours for keeping love alive Warwick Marsh ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is=20 the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 =20 =20 =20 Where does a family start? It starts with a young man=20 falling in love with a girl -=20 no superior alternative=20 has yet been found. =20 Sir Winston Churchill =20 back to top=20 =20 Laughter =20 =20 =20 =20 back to top=20 =20 Single Dads=20 =20 Time for an Injection of Loyalty into the Family Law Crikey News 17 Nov 2006 Mirko Bagaric, a lawyer and author of several books, including Family Law (2nd ed, 2005), writes: We shouldn't treat scoundrels and faithful partners alike. That's why plans by the Federal Government to give fathers the automatic right to have their children tested to determine their paternity (in response to the farcical High Court decision where a father was denied damages for financially supporting two cuckoo children) don't go far enough. =20 The Magill case underscores a major divorce between law and morality. Wide-ranging reform of the family law system is necessary.=20 =20 The reforms should be underpinned by an injection of an old-fashioned concept which unfortunately rarely finds its way into the statute books. The concept is loyalty - which is an obligation or preference which one voluntarily assumes towards a living object or a cause, even when it is contrary to one's self-interest. =20 =20 Loyalty is a catalyst for an enormous amount of desirable human conduct. It has been proclaimed that loyalties ground more of the principled, honourable and other kinds of non-selfish behaviour in which people engage than do any other moral principles. Loyalty is the force that sees many make great personal sacrifices, by caring for sick or infirm relatives, friends or even pets. It should be encouraged.=20 =20 Loyalty and marriage are inseparable. People would not nurture and cultivate a marriage (and enjoy all of the benefits flowing from such an enterprise) if they felt that their partner would leave them at the first sign of hard times.=20 =20 The introduction of no fault divorce in 1975 was on balance a positive reform - grumpy partners should be able to move seamlessly on to their next normally unhappy relationship. However, the changes went too far.=20 =20 The reasons in favour of no fault divorces don?t always trump competing considerations.=20 Partners who commit egregious acts of disloyalty during marriage should cop a financial whack when it comes to dividing up the family assets. If the disloyalty results in cuckoo children, the cheating mother should pay damages to her partner.=20 =20 While we have a right to choose our partner (over and over again) this does not mean that all disloyalties should have no adverse legal consequences. The "garden variety" betrayal (such as where one partner has a deficit in terms of their contribution to housework or the bank balance) should be left in the garden.=20 =20 However, fundamental betrayals - those that destroy the core of a relationship - need to be actionable in the law.=20 =20 There are at least two sorts of betrayals that fall into this category. The first is physical abuse - this is a no-go zone in any relationship. The second is sexual infidelity - unless of course, the parties to the relationship agree that this is tolerable.=20 =20 Where such betrayals lead to separation the scoundrel must pay.=20 =20 If you're still not hooked on the idea of loyalty, that's fine too - your views are given expression in the fact that you don't need to get married. back to top=20 =20 All you need is Love Tneal & Daniel Peterson's Marriage Speeches 18th November 2006 =20 =20 Tneal: What I really want to say is that I love Daniel with my whole heart. He has been an amazing boyfriend, an awesome fianc=E9 and I can = see him being an even better husband! Yeah, we've had our hard times and we've had issues and problems that have tested our love for one another, but he has never left my side. =20 He has always supported me, no matter what. He supported me when I was sick and depressed from Glandular Fever; he supported me when I was out and about sailing; he supported me when I decided to do Uni part time. Daniel has never ever given up on me. He is one of the kindest, Godly, most considerate people I have ever met and he makes me want to be a better person. =20 It's funny how in some ways we are so similar but in others we are quite different. For those of you that know me well, I'm the organised one out of the two of us, but I am also the stress head. Daniel is what I would call a peacemaker, the rightful diplomat and therefore we help each other quite nicely. =20 When I was in high school, I wrote out a list of characteristics I wanted my future husband to have. I prayed for years, "Lord please find me someone who is a Christian, someone who is sporty, who likes sailing, someone who is a handy man, or who at least knows how to use a hammer and someone who will cherish me and I'll cherish back for the rest of our lives. Now you are probably thinking, "That's asking God a lot", but guess what? God answered my prayer, and he gave me Daniel! And although sometimes we joke about me wishing Daniel had a better memory, Daniel is exactly what I asked for and honey, I just want you to know that I love you with every bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we will get through anything. =20 Daniel: . . . But I guess the person I want to thank the most is Tneal, my Honey, my One, my Beautiful, my True Love and God for blessing us with this beautiful relationship. =20 Over the last four years I have been continually blessed to have you. We have laughed together, talked together, prayed together, walked together, travelled together. In fact one of my first memories of us is when I came to watch you sail for the first time . . . at this very spot. =20 As we continued to grow together, the more time I spent with you the more my heart confirmed that I was truly, deeply and most awesomely in love with you . . I would do anything for you. This was tested on our first Valentine's Day when you asked me to put lipstick on and kiss the Valentines Day card I was making. I had to steal a lipstick from mum's purse at midnight. The things you do for true love. =20 =20 If I could sum up my love for you in a nutshell . . . I would . . . but after thinking about it I realised that my love for you is uncontainable and indescribable. =20 You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance, you always fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have taught me to appreciate God's wonders more. 4 years ago, or 50 million breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath with you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at the same time. Tneal . . . I absolutely love you. back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 =20 =20 All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. =20 Leo Tolstoy =20 back to top=20 =20 Special Feature SUMMER OF 2006 =20 By Paul Sloan =20 Yamba - say it after me - Y.A.M.B.A. Yep, reckon if I were to retire - Yamba (after Buderim of course) would be the forerunner for destination of choice. What a place - fishing, surfing, sunburn, what else is there! We just spent a week down at Yamba last month, and boy did we have a great time. Sure the boat went well, sure the weather was good, sure the caravan park was fantastic - but something we weren't so sure of was how we would cope - this was going to be just our family - 2 tired parents, 2 teenagers, and a little 5 year old. No grandparents to help ease the burden of keeping three very different children amused, no friends to ease the teenager loneliness issue, and no Gloria Jeans for dad to escape to. The result - Fantastic! =20 The cabin - was just how we remembered it back in 1992; I am sure the holiday park owners knew we would be back, and wanted it to be special. The fees - not quite how we remembered it - but you know what they say; you get what you pay for. Jokes aside, this was a very special week for our family. We felt the need to reconnect to our children, especially our eldest, and the week all to ourselves was just what the doctor ordered. Our eldest at 16, is perhaps the epitome of what a teenager is supposed to do and be, and will certainly put the 'I' in individualism.=20 =20 Parents, if you are like me, we often consider the descriptive or era of 'Teenager' to be something of a disease - however - we should view it as a time of life, a time that will eventually pass - a time when they will test everything you ever said to them, testing the waters on a daily basis! Allow me a few words to describe one area of raising teenagers today that I am trying to come to grips with - and with 7 days in a pokey little cabin at Yamba, an issue that kept me awake and rather vocal throughout the week - MUSIC!!!!!!!!! =20 A wise man once said, that for parents to better connect with their teenage children, a deeper appreciation of their music choice should be strived for. Now dear readers, please let me vent here and open the box of issues currently being tossed around our dinner table of late. Many issues are raised on a daily basis when raising teenagers, and many are worthy of air time - yet due to my teenage years being spent in the 70's and early 80's, music played a big part of my life, hence the passion I feel toward my teenage son's choice of music (I think it's music?) =20 Hey parents, we know our 'Bay City Rollers' from our 'AC/DC's don't we; but throw into the equation the 'screamo' genre, and 'Senses Fail' sounds like 'Taking Back Sunday' sounds like 'Under Oath'. Now, for the uninitiated, the last three bands are a few of the big hitters when it comes to the 'screamo' style of music, and according to my 16-year-old son ? they are pretty 'sick'! But come on - why sing, I mean scream something when you can't even understand the words - I just don't get it. =20 The wise one's research suggests that nothing separates the generations more than music - you don't have to like it - but you can learn to appreciate that your kids (especially teens) do. Ask your kids about the message that the band is trying to get through, we might be surprised! To do this successfully, we need to actually listen. When teenagers want to talk, try to discipline yourself to hang around and listen. It can be inconvenient and you may be so tired or busy, but when they want to sit on your bed and talk after a school event or party, stay awake and listen!=20 =20 Needless to say - many nights in that little cabin at Yamba were spent listening to the 'sickest' band ? 'Under Oath', and many more bands that sounded pretty much the same. But, something I did learn was this; regardless of the music, the taste of clothes, the lip ring, or even the hair straightener (another story in itself), just allocating some quality time with your children, having open ears and an open heart - we get to appreciate what the teenager era is all about - and if we are really lucky; maybe even be allowed to enter their arena.=20 =20 =20 Parents - find time, visit a 'Yamba', take the UNO cards, turn the TV off, ask a question; and prepare yourself to be a little shocked, a little scared, and certainly feeling a little OLD. But believe me, nothing is more precious than seeing the gap between parent and child bridged - thankyou Yamba, thankyou to my beautiful wife and gorgeous children; and thankyou to my Lord God who makes the whole journey worthwhile. back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 Movember - Changing the face of Men's Health Movember (the month formally known as November) is a charity event held during November each year. =20 At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible.=20 =20 Movember culminates at the end of the month at the gala parties. These glamorous and groomed events will see Tom Selleck and David Boon look-a-likes battle it out on the catwalk for their chance to take home the prestigious Man of Movember title. =20 Whilst growing a mo' is left to the guys, Mo Sistas (ladies that support their guys or love mo's!) form an important part of Movember with their powerful feminine touch, by recruiting Mo Bros, helping to raise funds and attending the highly anticipated Gala Parties.=20 =20 But its not all fun and games, so why the extreme behaviour? =20 Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is 6 years less than females. =20 The obvious question is why?=20 Part of the answer is a lack of awareness about the very real health issues faced by males. The good old "she'll be right" attitude and a reluctance to see a doctor about an illness or for regular medical checks also contributes to the problem.=20 =20 The aim of Movember is to change this attitude, make male health fun by putting the MO back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues.=20 =20 The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are:=20 =20 Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia (www.prostate.org.au) because every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.=20 =20 Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue (www.beyondblue.org.au ) because one in six men suffer from depression at any given time but most don't seek help.=20 =20 Testicular Cancer because it?s the second most common cancer in young men aged 18 to 35. =20 We challenge you to change the face of men's health... =20 www.movember.com.au =20 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Battle for Balance =20 Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume. He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes: =20 'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue. =20 What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.' =20 To request a copy of this insightful document please write to Alby Schultz MP Federal Member for Hume 33 Ottiwell St Goulburn NSW 2580 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *=20 Welcome to Midlife Noel Giblett For One Night Only =20 Saturday 9th December, 2006 at KULCHA 1st Floor 13 South Terrace Fremantle. (above Dome Cafe') Tickets at www.kulcha.com.au or phone 9336 4544 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 Letters =20 Dear Fatherhood Foundation =20 It is good to see fathers and fatherhood being promoted in the media. =20 I do however have one criticism of an ad I have seen on television. Do you think it is appropriate to encourage a child, irrespective of the laugh value, to be consuming soft drink at such a young age? =20 And I am a little curious on what your take is on a father who happens to be single and an atheist. =20 Regards=20 Robert =20 back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 Dear God =20 =20 Leo Tolstoy seems to have a point. All that he understands is understood=20 because he loves. Maybe love is the most powerful force in the Universe? Maybe Elizabeth Barrett Browning was right=20 when she said, "Two human loves make one divine"? =20 Love is a complete mystery at the best of times and sometimes I feel like Ernest Hemmingway,=20 "To hell with love". But that is why 'love' is so powerful=20 because love has been to hell=20 and rose again on the third day. =20 Love is stronger than death. Let your love overcome my death so that I might become a source of life to those around me. back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_2D10_01C7112E.9374ED70 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 221 - 13 th November, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

 

Some time ago I received a request to speak at a Fair Divorce Forum at the Western Suburbs Leagues Club in Wollongong. When I first received this invitation, my inclination was to 'not accept' because I don't believe that divorce can be fair. Love is not fair. Life is not fair. My good friend Jeff Dakers prevailed upon me to reconsider, and so I include the following excerpt from my speech given last week for the readers of fathersonline.

 

What does the team at the Fatherhood Foundation believe about Fair Divorce? We believe that unfortunately there is not such thing because marriage is built from love and love is never fair. Famous author Ernest Hemmingway said, 'Love is just another dirty lie . . . I know about love. Love always hangs up behind the bathroom door. It smells like Lysol. To hell with love".

 

D H Lawrence, who spent some time here in Wollongong in the early 20th century said, "I'm not sure if a mental relation with a woman doesn't make it impossible to love her. To know the mind of a woman is to end up hating her."

 

These two famous people seem a bit negative about love and marriage but unfortunately they are not alone Lord Byron said, "Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil." Zsa Zsa Gabor said, "Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended." Helen Rowland said "Before marriage a man will lie awake thinking about something you said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it." Clint Eastwood sums it all up tongue-in-cheek, "There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I will get married again."

 

Marriage is based on an exchange of vows, which form a covenantal relationship in which everything you have becomes hers, and everything she has becomes yours. Children are born from the physical exchange of love between two people. The Bible calls it 'two becoming one'. "Herein is the mystery. If two become one how can they be separated?"

 

When two pieces of wood are glued together under pressure, if you try to pull them apart, you will rarely get an equal split. Love joins two people together. Marriage formalises love's union. Divorce not only destroys a marriage, but in the process it often also destroys those who are getting divorced. Each person has pieces of the other still sticking to them and that's one of the reasons divorce hurts like hell and should be avoided at all costs. In many ways the pain that children have to bear in acrimonious divorce is far worse because they are literally made from the timbers of their parents. To separate them forcefully as the Family Law Court does from their own biological father or mother is beyond comprehension. The unfortunate reality is that the process of suicidal litigation often hurts the childre n far more than anyone else. My voice here tonight is raised on their behalf as the one's least likely to be able to speak for themselves. I have experienced that sort of pain first hand, which qualifies me to speak, even though I would prefer not to be qualified on this issue.

 


Ovid said, "Love is a kind of warfare." Pat Benatar sang, "Love is a battlefield." My subject matter for this forum was further qualified by the wedding of Daniel, 22, & Tneal, 21, that I attended on the weekend. Neither Benatar nor Ovid's words would have deterred Daniel and Tneal from embracing the death found in marriage as both die, and one mysteriously appears in the ultimate act of love.                                                                                                                  

Tneal said in her speech as she turned towards her handsome man in his white-vested suit, "I just want you to know that I love you with every bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we will get through anything." Daniel's response to Tneal was equally enthralling, "You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance you always fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have taught to appreciate God's wonders more.  4 years ago, or 50 million breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath w ith you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at the same time. Tneal  . . . I absolutely love you."

 

Maybe we should all take a lesson from Daniel & Tneal's wedding. The reality is, we should all be aiming for better marriage not fair divorce.  We will never have fair divorce because love and marriage are so all-consuming. This doesn't mean we shouldn't aim for fairer divorce especially for our children's sake. The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight for fairer divorce laws, not because we believe in fair divorce, but we must ensure no one party gains through this painful act of self-destruction, whether they be man or woman.

 

The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the gross inequities found in the current child support scheme which encourages the failed sole custody model and continues to rob children of their fathers even to this day.

 

The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the proliferation of divorce and fight to encourage a process of better marriage.  To quote from the introduction of Twenty One Reasons Why Marriage Matters, published by the Fatherhood Foundation, "Marriage is an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for children and adults alike". We must rally together as a community to fight for, not just fair divorce but better marriage.

 

Maybe the answer to our quest for better marriage is found in the wedding speech of these two young married lovers. We must ask the author of love, our Father in heaven to join with us in our marriages because as Tneal says, "With God we will get through anything."

 

Lovework

 

Keep love alive at all costs. Even when love is on life-support it can always be resuscitated. Use young Daniel's words to inspire you to scale the heights once again.

 

Yours for keeping love alive

Warwick Marsh

___________________________________________________________


Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

 

Where does a family start?

It starts with a young man

falling in love with a girl -

no superior alternative

has yet been found.

 

Sir Winston Churchill

 

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Laughter

 
 
 

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Single Dads

 

Time for an Injection of Loyalty into the Family Law

Crikey News   17 Nov 2006

Mirko Bagaric, a lawyer and author of several books, including Family Law (2nd ed, 2005), writes:

We shouldn't treat scoundrels and faithful partners alike. That's why plans by the Federal Government to give fathers the automatic right to have their children tested to determine their paternity (in response to the farcical High Court decision where a father was denied damages for financially supporting two cuckoo children) don't go far enough.

 

The Magill case underscores a major divorce between law and morality. Wide-ranging reform of the family law system is necessary.

 

The reforms should be underpinned by an injection of an old-fashioned concept which unfortunately rarely finds its way into the statute books. The concept is loyalty - which is an obligation or preference which one voluntarily assumes towards a living object or a cause, even when it is contrary to one's self-interest.

 

Loyalty is a catalyst for an enormous amount of desirable human conduct. It has been proclaimed that loyalties ground more of the principled, honourable and other kinds of non-selfish behaviour in which people engage than do any other moral principles. Loyalty is the force that sees many make great personal sacrifices, by caring for sick or infirm relatives, friends or even pets. It should be encouraged.

 

Loyalty and marriage are inseparable. People would not nurture and cultivate a marriage (and enjoy all of the benefits flowing from such an enterprise) if they felt that their partner would leave them at the first sign of hard times.

 

The introduction of no fault divorce in 1975 was on balance a positive reform - grumpy partners should be able to move seamlessly on to their next normally unhappy relationship. However, the changes went too far.

 

The reasons in favour of no fault divorces don?t always trump competing considerations.

Partners who commit egregious acts of disloyalty during marriage should cop a financial whack when it comes to dividing up the family assets. If the disloyalty results in cuckoo children, the cheating mother should pay damages to her partner.

 

While we have a right to choose our partner (over and over again) this does not mean that all disloyalties should have no adverse legal consequences. The "garden variety" betrayal (such as where one partner has a deficit in terms of their contribution to housework or the bank balance) should be left in the garden.

 

However, fundamental betrayals - those that destroy the core of a relationship - need to be actionable in the law.

 

There are at least two sorts of betrayals that fall into this category. The first is physical abuse - this is a no-go zone in any relationship. The second is sexual infidelity - unless of course, the parties to the relationship agree that this is tolerable.

 

Where such betrayals lead to separation the scoundrel must pay.

 

If you're still not hooked on the idea of loyalty, that's fine too - your views are given expression in the fact that you don't need to get married.

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All you need is Love

Tneal & Daniel Peterson's Marriage Speeches

18th November 2006

 

Tneal: What I really want to say is that I love Daniel with my whole heart. He has been an amazing boyfriend, an awesome fiancé and I can see him being an even better husband! Yeah, we've had our hard times and we've had issues and problems that have tested our love for one another, but he has never left my side.

 

He has always supported me, no matter what. He supported me when I was sick and depressed from Glandular Fever; he supported me when I was out and about sailing; he supported me when I decided to do Uni part time. Daniel has never ever given up on me. He is one of the kindest, Godly, most considerate people I have ever met and he makes me want to be a better person.

 

It's funny how in some ways we are so similar but in others we are quite different. For those of you that know me well, I'm the organised one out of the two of us, but I am also the stress head. Daniel is what I would call a peacemaker, the rightful diplomat and therefore we help each other quite nicely.

 

When I was in high school, I wrote out a list of characteristics I wanted my future husband to have. I prayed for years, "Lord please find me someone who is a Christian, someone who is sporty, who likes sailing, someone who is a handy man, or who at least knows how to use a hammer and someone who will cherish me and I'll cherish back for the rest of our lives. Now you are probably thinking, "That's asking God a lot", but guess what? God answered my prayer, and he gave me Daniel! And although sometimes we joke about me wishing Daniel had a better memory, Daniel is exactly what I asked for and honey, I just want you to know that I love you with every bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we will get through anything.

 

Daniel: . . . But I guess the person I want to thank the most is Tneal, my Honey, my One, my Beautiful, my True Love and God for blessing us with this beautiful relationship.

 

Over the last four years I have been continually blessed to have you. We have laughed together, talked together, prayed together, walked together, travelled together. In fact one of my first memories of us is when I came to watch you sail for the first time  . . . at this very spot.

 

As we continued to grow together, the more time I spent with you the more my heart confirmed that I was truly, deeply and most awesomely in love with you . . I would do anything for you. This was tested on our first Valentine's Day when you asked me to put lipstick on and kiss the Valentines Day card I was making. I had to steal a lipstick from mum's purse at midnight. The things you do for true love.

 

If I could sum up my love for you in a nutshell . . . I would . . . but after thinking about it I realised that my love for you is uncontainable and indescribable.

 

You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance, you always fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have taught me to appreciate God's wonders more.  4 years ago, or 50 million breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath with you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at the same time. Tneal  . . . I absolutely love you.

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Thought of the Week

 

All, everything that I understand,

I understand only because I love.

 

Leo Tolstoy

 

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Special Feature

SUMMER OF 2006

By Paul Sloan

 

Yamba - say it after me - Y.A.M.B.A. Yep, reckon if I were to retire - Yamba (after Buderim of course) would be the forerunner for destination of choice. What a place - fishing, surfing, sunburn, what else is there! We just spent a week down at Yamba last month, and boy did we have a great time. Sure the boat went well, sure the weather was good, sure the caravan park was fantastic - but something we weren't so sure of was how we would cope - this was going to be just our family - 2 tired parents, 2 teenagers, and a little 5 year old. No grandparents to help ease the burden of keeping three very different children amused, no friends to ease the teenager loneliness issue, and no Gloria Jeans for dad to escape to. The result - Fantastic!

 

The cabin - was just how we remembered it back in 1992; I am sure the holiday park owners knew we would be back, and wanted it to be special. The fees - not quite how we remembered it - but you know what they say; you get what you pay for. Jokes aside, this was a very special week for our family. We felt the need to reconnect to our children, especially our eldest, and the week all to ourselves was just what the doctor ordered. Our eldest at 16, is perhaps the epitome of what a teenager is supposed to do and be, and will certainly put the 'I' in individualism.

 

Parents, if you are like me, we often consider the descriptive or era of  'Teenager' to be something of a disease - however - we should view it as a time of life, a time that will eventually pass - a time when they will test everything you ever said to them, testing the waters on a daily basis! Allow me a few words to describe one area of raising teenagers today that I am trying to come to grips with - and with 7 days in a pokey little cabin at Yamba, an issue that kept me awake and rather vocal throughout the week - MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

 

A wise man once said, that for parents to better connect with their teenage children, a deeper appreciation of their music choice should be strived for. Now dear readers, please let me vent here and open the box of issues currently being tossed around our dinner table of late. Many issues are raised on a daily basis when raising teenagers, and many are worthy of air time - yet due to my teenage years being spent in the 70's and early 80's, music played a big part of my life, hence the passion I feel toward my teenage son's choice of music (I think it's music?)

 

Hey parents, we know our 'Bay City Rollers' from our 'AC/DC's don't we; but throw into the equation the 'screamo' genre, and 'Senses Fail' sounds like 'Taking Back Sunday' sounds like 'Under Oath'. Now, for the uninitiated, the last three bands are a few of the big hitters when it comes to the 'screamo' style of music, and according to my 16-year-old son ? they are pretty 'sick'! But come on - why sing, I mean scream something when you can't even understand the words - I just don't get it.

 

The wise one's research suggests that nothing separates the generations more than music - you don't have to like it - but you can learn to appreciate that your kids (especially teens) do. Ask your kids about the message that the band is trying to get through, we might be surprised! To do this successfully, we need to actually listen. When teenagers want to talk, try to discipline yourself to hang around and listen. It can be inconvenient and you may be so tired or busy, but when they want to sit on your bed and talk after a school event or party, stay awake and listen!

 

Needless to say - many nights in that little cabin at Yamba were spent listening to the 'sickest' band ? 'Under Oath', and many more bands that sounded pretty much the same. But, something I did learn was this; regardless of the music, the taste of clothes, the lip ring, or even the hair straightener (another story in itself), just allocating some quality time with your children, having open ears and an open heart - we get to appreciate what the teenager era is all about - and if we are really lucky; maybe even be allowed to enter their arena.

 

Parents - find time, visit a 'Yamba', take the UNO cards, turn the TV off, ask a question; and prepare yourself to be a little shocked, a little scared, and certainly feeling a little OLD. But believe me, nothing is more precious than seeing the gap between parent and child bridged - thankyou Yamba, thankyou to my beautiful wife and gorgeous children; and thankyou to my Lord God who makes the whole journey worthwhile.

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Movember - Changing the face of Men's Health

Movember (the month formally known as November) is a charity event held during November each year.

 

At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible.

 

Movember culminates at the end of the month at the gala parties. These glamorous and groomed events will see Tom Selleck and David Boon look-a-likes battle it out on the catwalk for their chance to take home the prestigious Man of Movember title.

 

Whilst growing a mo' is left to the guys, Mo Sistas (ladies that support their guys or love mo's!) form an important part of Movember with their powerful feminine touch, by recruiting Mo Bros, helping to raise funds and attending the highly anticipated Gala Parties.

 

But its not all fun and games, so why the extreme behaviour?

 

Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is 6 years less than females.

 

The obvious question is why?

Part of the answer is a lack of awareness about the very real health issues faced by males. The good old "she'll be right" attitude and a reluctance to see a doctor about an illness or for regular medical checks also contributes to the problem.

 

The aim of Movember is to change this attitude, make male health fun by putting the MO back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues.

 

The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are:

 

Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia (www.prostate.org.au) because every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.

 

Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue (www.beyondblue.org.au ) because one in six men suffer from depression at any given time but most don't seek help.

 

Testicular Cancer because it?s the second most common cancer in young men aged 18 to 35.

 

We challenge you to change the face of men's health... 

www.movember.com.au
 

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The Battle for Balance

 

Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume.  He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes:

 

'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue.

 

What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.'

 

To request a copy of this insightful document please write to

Alby Schultz MP

Federal Member for Hume

33 Ottiwell St

Goulburn NSW 2580

 

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Welcome to Midlife

Noel Giblett

For One Night Only

 

Saturday 9th December, 2006 at KULCHA

1st Floor 13 South Terrace Fremantle. (above Dome Cafe')

Tickets at www.kulcha.com.au  or phone 9336 4544

 

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Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

It is good to see fathers and fatherhood being promoted in the media.

 

I do however have one criticism of an ad I have seen on television. Do you think it is appropriate to encourage a child, irrespective of the laugh value, to be consuming soft drink at such a young age?

 

And I am a little curious on what your take is on a father who happens to be single and an atheist.

 

Regards

Robert

 

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear God

 

 

Leo Tolstoy seems to have a point.

All that he understands  is understood
because he loves.

Maybe love is the most powerful force in the Universe?

Maybe Elizabeth Barrett Browning was right
when she said,

"Two human loves make one divine"?

 

Love is a complete mystery at the best of times

and sometimes I feel like Ernest Hemmingway,

"To hell with love".

But that is why 'love' is so powerful

because love has been to hell

and rose again on the third day.

 

Love is stronger than death.

Let your love overcome my death

so that I might become a source of life

to those around me.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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